Dirty Dirtkins

It's a conspiracy!  This nasty of all nasties was found in a reputable establishment.  Unlike my other recent run in with a reusable roller towel hand dryer thingy, this one was found in an outdoor sporting goods store that we visit occasionally.  At least the one from the antique store in the boonies was clean!  This one was clearly well used.  Let's just say it was another opportunity for me to test how well my clothes double as towels. 

Adult Swim

I am considering going to the pool tomorrow after my workout but I'm conflicted.  It has been a long week and I would very much like some nice, quiet, relaxing time poolside but that NEVER happens at our pool.  We live smack dab in the middle of suburbia and our pool is like kid frickin' central.  Sometimes it's really awful.  Take the swim classes, for instance.  OH the swim classes.  I fully support children learning to swim but why does it have to be EVERY day from 10 am to 2 pm, 6 to 8 PM, AND on the weekends?  And of course these are not your standard swim classes. No no, these instructors are truly devoted and extremely loud 13 year olds.  Go "row row" your own damn boat!  I want to read my trashy magazine without hearing you tell another 4 year old to arch his back or blow bubbles.  Bleh!

I think I am just annoyed because it feels like the pool was built for children and the parents feel entitled to let them run free but dammit, we pay for our place here too and all we get is 15 minutes every hour of kid-free swim time.  Last week, during "break time" I was hit by a frisbee twice and my book was ruined by some noodle mishap.  It really makes me understand things like the No Kids Allowed Movement.  I mean, to be honest, I would definitely pick the flight/hotel/restaurant that banned kids over the alternative.  Sorry moms and dads but it's my vacation/business trip/meal too and sometimes...just every once in a while...I'd like it to be effing QUIET!  CALM PEACEFUL!  DAMMIT...why am I yelling?!?!

"I want to lock it all up in my pocket.  It's my bar of chocolate.  Give it to me now!"

This got me thinking about the whole kid free life we've picked for ourselves.  I amazed at how many people still respond to our ambitions to NOT have children with "That's what I said when I was your age," or "You'll change your mind.  I did."  My husband is pretty upfront about our choice and by upfront, I mean blunt.  He pretty much puts it out there that he thinks people who have kids are downright crazy.  That's an exaggeration but he clearly thinks we've made the "better" decision and I agree.  At least, I think we've made the best decision for ourselves.  I also am extremely tolerant and supportive of all of our friends who've had children.  It's wonderful to see people having children that WANT to have children. 

Zach and I were lucky to have found each other.  We agree on the big things: money, sex, religion, and children.  Some aren't so lucky.  Like this guy who created a dating website to help people find other people who don't want children.  Apparently this is a real issue for single folks.  How sad.

I just finished a book all about a couple who had gotten married after making an agreement to not have children and then the husband changed his mind and decided he needed to procreate!  GASP!  The horror!!  

I do have noise blocking headphones which are a nice alternative when quiet just is not an option but sometimes it just irks me that it's necessary for me to lug my $200 headphones to the pool just to get some peace and quiet.    There are three pools in this area that homeowners can go to.  Can't we make just ONE of them kid free? Sometimes I feel bad that I get so irritable about the whole situation but then I run across sites like this: http://www.leavethembehind.com/ and I know I'm not alone.

This is Walden Pond, a "peaceful" pond beloved by Thoreau.  It looks EXACTLY like our pool on the weekends!

So to all my family and friends with children, I'm sorry if I've offended.  I love all of you and your kids...I just don't want them at my pool tomorrow unless they're 10 or over.  Having said that, if they're 10 or over, I'd still prefer it if they didn't talk.  ;-) 

And one more thing, if you can bring your kids to the pool, why can't I bring my dog?  She's certainly more well behaved than some of those rugrats and she sits on command.  I'm just sayin'.

Chicken, Mio amore!

Italian Baked Chicken

Marinara

1 TBSP olive oil
1/4 onion finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1/2 tsp dried basil
1 bay leaf
5 TBSP tomato sauce
2 tsp sugar
1 tsp dried oregano
1 teaspoon italian seasoning
3/4 can rotel (diced tomatoes)
pinch salt
(p.s. if you're short on time, just use canned marinara)

Chicken

4 chicken breasts
1/2 cup parmesan
1 cup italian style bread crumbs (or regular bread crumbs with italian seasoning mixed in)
1/2 cup flour
2 eggs beaten
1 to 1 and 1/2 TBSP olive oil

Marinara:  Saute onion and garlic in olive oile.  Add tomatoes and remaining ingredients.  Stir for 2 minutes.  Remove bay leaf.  Put half of sauce on the bottom of a  buttered baking dish and set remaining half aside.

Chicken:  Preheat oven to 400 degrees.  Combine bread crumbs and cheese.  Dip each chicken breast in flour, then eggs, then bread crumb/cheese mix.  In a large pan, heat olive oil.  Saute chicken on medium high heat for about 2 minutes per side.  Move chicken to baking dish and top with remaining sauce.  Sprinkle with Parmesan.  Bake for 30-35 minutes.  (I pounded out my chicken until they were uniform and a little bit thinner.  Thirty minutes was plenty after tenderizing.)

You can see why I had to flatten some of the cluckers.  They weren't very uniform.

There wasn't very much to coat the bottom of the pan but you don't really need a ton.

The dredging trifecta

Color me flavor locked!  Don't they look yum already!?!

Before baking

After baking

GET...IN...MY....BELLAY!!!

Don't give them any lip!

...or chin...or cheek...

I have no idea why this bothers me as much as it does but every time I go to get my eyebrows waxed (which, btw has become standard practice for me ever since I saw my wedding photos...yikes), the lady always asks, "You want mustache wax too?"  Now look, I'll admit it took me a long time to notice my eyebrows were a wee unruly.  I should have gotten a clue when my best gal pal ASKED if she could pluck them in college but I just thought she wanted to have a little makeover night.  So anyway, it's entirely possible that I'm overlooking some minor excess lip hair but I have polled the most important judge of such things and he says I don't have a manstache.  If the hubby is ok with my lip fuzz then why can't the nail salon people just let me be!?!? 

I'm sure some will say it's their job to upsell but I have actually sensed a judgmental edge to their little voices when I've said no.  At minimum, I get a "You sure??"  Am I the only one with this problem?  Does anyone else get the 'tsk tsk' treatment when they decline lip/chin waxes?  Just curious...

I have made the executive decision that no hairs will be waxed from my face unless they bear a color other than blond i.e. if you can see it from a 2 feet out, it's going the way of the Dodo bird.

On a related note, has anyone seen Just Go With It?  The eyebrow lady in that movie...freakin' hilarious!!

It's Alive! It's Alive! It's...it's....flippin' creepy!

Sometimes it's best just to dive right in so here I go.

What....

An  unassuming Frankenstein pop-up book....

the heck....

Those are body parts.  He's burning body parts...which, of course, you can jiggle by pulling the dealy wopper there...

is that?!?!?!

You're wondering what could possibly happen you pull that tab, aren't you??

yessir! THAT just happened!

Not only was it real, when we came back by the discount shelf later....it was GONE!  I thought Kendall was lying at first and perhaps maybe it was just buried under some other books.  But no, it was gone.  Purchased by some poor schmo who clearly hadn't turned to the ASS page.  Having said that, do I regret not snatching the book up when I had the chance?  You freakin' bet I do!  When am I gonna get another chance to own Frankenbooty????
Happy Wednesday friends!!!

Potty Humor

My niece Kendall and I spent one day during her visit hiking in the Shenandoah Mountains.  On our way up the mountain, we stopped at a uh...we'll call it "quaint" antique/convenience store.  I actually think the only items in the store that were younger than Kendall consisted of food products although that's debatable.  We decided it would be a good idea to use the ladies before heading up the mountain.  It was a decision we would almost immediately regret.  In hindsight, I should have taken more photos of the bathroom and the surrounding area but it was just too awful to linger. 

We did, however, manage to get a shot of the most offensive item....the old fashioned roller towel hand dryer!!  I honest to goodness haven't seen one of these things since I was 10 years old.  I thought for sure they didn't make them anymore!  But there it was...staring at me like I was back in the 80s.  To give the proprietor some credit, it didn't look dirty.  Having said that, we still didn't use the dang thing...preferring to air dry than be THAT adventurous. 

In most cases, I am happy to relive my youth but I would prefer this particular device stay locked up in a museum with 70s/80s era artifacts.  I don't care how "green" you are, this is simply unnecessary. 

The really weird thing is that it was the newest thing in the bathroom.  Look at the flippin' wall for goodness sake! Disgusting!

These pictures are from websites that STILL SELL THESE THINGS!!!!! I'm serious!  You can get one for your very own restaurant or convenience store but if you do, I'd keep a mop outside the bathroom door because no self respecting person would use the dang thing and you'd have a sloppy mess where people were wringing their hands outside the bathroom.                       

 It's a bit frightening that they chose blue for the color of the cloth, no?  I mean, I understand why.  White shows more dirt but er....at least you know what you're getting into with white.  ugh.

www.weightwash.co.uk/products.htm
This website described its roller towel as "lovely".  How sweet.

Get ya Fro on!

 A little break in the shopping extravaganza for some frozen yogurt at the Yogen Fruz in Tysons Corner.   Obviously, it's a smaller yogurt shop than most but I really like how they'll infuse their yogurt with fruit for you BEFORE you decide on toppings.

The biggest drawback to this location is a lack of seating.  I think most people pick up ice cream to take a break from shopping and the only chairs around are at the Starbucks behind it and those are usually full (although Kendall must be my lucky charm because we were able to grab a table AND chairs!!)

I had vanilla flavored yogurt (I'm boring) with mango and graham sprinkles.  Yum!

And Miss Kendall opted for the banana infused chocolate with chocolate swirl flakes.

Tysons Corner with Kendall --DANGER DANGER DANGER!!

 A day of shopping with Miss Kendall started off at Nordstrom.  They were having a fall shoe preview but we decided that fall was way way way away in Texas and that although these little fringy numbers were cute, she wouldn't get to wear them for a long time.

 So we got these!  Which are totally appropriate for a 14 year old!

 See!  I'm sure these will be fine for Spanish class!

 This is where the DANGER DANGER DANGER comes from.  Kris and John are definitely in trouble with this one!

BUT...before my sister kills me, these are NOT the shoes we ended up buying.  Unfortunately, Kendall is the only one with a pic of those so you'll just have to wait to see what her final decision was.

 Both of us decided we need one of these hanging racks in our rooms/closets.  How super convenient for outfit planning!!!  

 This was a winner of a shirt...especially with her little blue tank top underneath.  Brought through some blue that wasn't in the shirt so it looked super cute with the jean shorts.

 Ah yes.  It figures the only picture of me is the one where I'm digging out my wallet.  Perfect!

Testing out some of her boyfriend's perfume

Ok...so I got something for myself too

Don't we make good mannequins?  Ok, one of us does...I unfortunately was looking the wrong direction.

Friends Kabob

Her first souvenir from NoVa.  They gave us one of their cool pens!

 My niece rolled into town yesterday so I'm sure the them of many upcoming posts will include our adventures.   To kick things off (both in the blogosphere and to mark her arrival), we started with Friends Kabob in Tyson's Corner.  I wanted to expose Kendall to some food that was outside of her Texas norm and the easiest place to start with folks who haven't had much in the way of ethnic food is your standard Kabob house.   Since we were going shopping over in Tyson's, I picked Friends Kabob -- an old fave of hubs and I.

The food was great, as usual.  Kendall especially liked the Basmati rice.  Unfortunately, the service was extremely slow (I forgot this place was better for calling ahead) and it was hot as crap in there!! 

One of many "smile shots".  My camera has a function where it automatically takes a picture when it catches people smiling so she kept trying to get people to smile...only to sabotage the whole process by giggling.

She'll kill me for putting this on here but I thought it was pretty funny.  I think she was enjoying herself.

Perfectly cooked and delicious as always.

Bull Pizzle

Today was a very special day in our house because we got a new shipment of Bully Sticks from Best Bully Sticks!!  Now, if you don't know what bully sticks are or don't have dogs, you may not know what I'm talking about and to be honest, until a couple months ago, if you'd uttered the words "bully stick", I'd have looked at you like you were from Mars too. 

Before I go into the dirty details, I'd like to kick my shouts out to Callie and Andrew.....and Jack, the wonder dog.  They are ALL responsible for Cassie's addiction.  It's really kind of sad to see her deteriorating like this.  It's possible we will have to stage some sort of intervention.

You see, these are BIG chewies...not intended for runt doggies like my Cassie but she doesn't know that.  She's thinks they're "baby bear"....which is, btw, my way of saying juuuuust right. 

Christmas for K9s!

 I should probably break the news now.  See that unassuming looking stick there?  It's actually the inside of a bull penis.  That's right people...my dog is chewing on a bull dong.  Awesome.  My husband has taken to calling them Bull Pizzle...thus the title of this post.   I suppose if you don't laugh you'll cry. 

Thankfully, these are the odor free variety and they're "natural"...whatever THAT means.  I mean how freakin' unnatural could a bull penis be?!?!

Can I have it????  puh puh puhlease?!? 

 Whatever though...they keep her entertained forever which is all I care about. 

Peace out mom!  Going to gnaw down on my bull pizzle!

Look at that thing!  It's as long as her and she's a wiener dog!

Look at that shiznit!  She's actually holding it with her paw.  Lord knows what she'd do with opposable thumbs!