Stuff I've Learned

Lest you think I have resting on my laurels for the last six months, I thought I'd provide a list of things I've learned since my last blog post to prove that this time off was not for....naught.  So, without further ado, stuff I've learned since disappearing from the blogger world (most of which, has absolutely nothing to do with blogging): 

1. Never over trust a fart. 

     a. Sub rule: You should work really hard to only fart once in yoga class. 

 --If the sub rule seems unnecessary, you have clearly not been in a recent yoga class at the studio I have been going to.  I am a firm believer that ...er...mistakes happen and once in a while, especially in those standing separate leg stretches, you just feel relaxed.  It's inevitable that things will slip out.  What I don't understand is the multi-farter.  Were it me, I'd tamp that shit down after the first whoof.  If they are loud, multiple and Buddha forbid, stinky -- I think perhaps it's time to call it quits.

2. A motorized bicycle is a perfectly suitable method to transport balloons.  It does not in any way impede the traffic flow or cause hazards to you or other drivers.  Nope - does not....will not. 


 3. If you own a bus in Manila, you are required to pee on the front tire.  In the middle of the day.  In traffic. 

     a. Sub rule:  You may also be required to urinate in the car wash stall of a private condo garage because, duh, the actuall WC you could use is at least three floors away and the chances of you making it there before you piddle yourself....well...by all means, don't risk it.  Pee three feet away from my parking spot.  Why not?!
     --I will never understand the lack of pee pee control here.  I can't help but think of the countless times my parents uttered the words, "You should have gone before we left."  Does that never occur to these folks?  I mean, I get it...traffic here can be horrendous and you drive for a living but surely SURELY there's some way to plan effectively enough where you are not forced to pee in full view of motorists at the corner of Makati Ave and Ayala. 

4. There is absolutely no way to explain to someone who doesn't live in Manila why it is so frustrating.  

     --We have tried to narrow the explanation down in to one or two little pithy phrases, "It's the land of not quite right," or "It's the little city that could...but didn't".  I have learned that we are in a privileged and exclusive club.  You're probably not in the club and that's ok -- keep trying...you never know.  There is nothing quite so fulfilling as complaining about Manila with someone else who lives in Manila. To become a member of this club, several things must occur in your life.  You must spend 3+ consecutive days in traffic for no less than two hours each way.  You must have gotten in at least two wrecks where the vehicles involved were not going over 3 miles per hour.  The thought must have occurred to you that, with half a tank of gas and 3 miles to travel, you probably should have gotten gas.  Why?  (see traffic requirement above)  And that's just life in your car.  There are approximately 725 additional pre-requisites for membership.  We are really really selective. 
  
5.  If you aren't an anti-social person, you might become one in Manila.  

     --I gotta say, if you don't live in my building, it's gonna be real real hard for us to be friends because it'll be a trash free day in Burgos before I leave the comfort of my apartment to get back out on the streets just to have drinks with a friend or see a movie.  If you have been lucky enough to score my time outside of the general Salcedo area, you...my dear....have broken through.  Congratulations!  And if you're the one who has left your neighborhood to come visit me, well...I am truly honored. 

6.  One working elevator in a building with 36 floors and 4 condos on each floor is probably not going to go well.  

     --Don't even get me started on what would happen if there were a true emergency on the 32nd floor.

7.  Paris fixes everything. 

     --Frustrated by the complete lack of selection and general frustration brought on by shopping in Manila?  Just apply one super sweet husband and the city of lights and, magically, you're cured.  Christmas in Paris 2014 -- best.idea.ever. 
 





8.  The beach (and other Philippines getaways) acts as the same sort of mental health medicine. 

     --It is true what they say, you will like the Philippines much more if you don't allow Manila to be your only window to its soul.  We are making dedicated efforts to get out of town these days.  Failing that, I also enjoy staycations in my apartment -- putzing around in my art room, playing with Cassie, going to Yoga etc.  The point is, wherever you are, you must pretend as if you're NOT in Manila.  And...go...

9.  Yoga is my new best friend.  Shout out to Yoga+ Makati!!  

     --They are not preachy or bitchy or snobby.  Their classes range from relaxing to really challenging and they are less than a block from my front door.  Sold!  'Me time' is almost never better spent than at this Yoga studio.  
Yoga+ Philippines

10.  Salcedo Saturday Market is STILL the best thing about living here. 

     --Returning from Paris meant I was back in the mood to cook which could have also meant that I was mere seconds away from a deep depression.  The grocery shopping has gotten better here but you still can't find everything you need.  This weekend though, I was able to find fresh sage, rosemary, ground cloves, and....the creme de la creme???  Fresh Fennel!  Last night I made Italian Wedding Soup.  Tonight, sweet potato and cauliflower fritters.  Thank you Salcedo Saturday Market...thank you!

Recipe from Better Homes and Gardens; Photo credit from BHG.com

 
11. BONUS:  Life is an adventure and no matter what happens, you just gotta keep living it.  Be grateful for what you have.  Rant about the things that bother you to the people who will forgive your ranting.  Find joy in the little things.  Adapt.  Overcome.  Thank the stardust super being, yourself, or whatever you believe in that you are still on this side of the top soil.  It's all one big circus and I don't know about you but I'm happy to be one of its acrobats/clowns/ring leaders/monkeys.  :) 

2 Wriggly worms, 1 suckly slug, and a partridge in a pear treeeeeeee

Another reason I will always miss America?

Let me hear you say, "I heart pesticides!"  You would if you saw little creepy crawlers while you were innocently cleaning your veggies from the market.  I know it's natural and all (they live in the dirt...helloooo!) but I had a series of ick/shudder/heeby jeebs moments while cleaning my Saturday  morning market finds.

And this is why I will always wash my produce thoroughly.  Don't go thinking grocery stores are any better.  I've seen what appeared to be maggots on perfectly good bell peppers at a store that will remain unnamed but rhymes with Shandmark.

And yes, those are gloves I'm wearing.  I always wear them when cleaning (food or otherwise) and I couldn't have been more relieved to have them on this fine Saturday.

Tamarind - looks like poo, tastes delicious!

Careful now, you might actually learn something if you read the following but don't worry, I promise to add some mind numbing commentary that I probably think is hilarious and makes you think I'm just plain weird. 

As I've mentioned before, one of the greatest things about living in the Philippines is direct access to all of the exotic fruits and vegetables.  With a market right outside our building every Saturday, I literally have no excuse not to try everything.  Now, admittedly, I did not acquire this particular batch of fruit at a market and this is technically my second box (it's THAT good) but I haven't had Internet for a week....so sue me.  

TAMARIND is a pod-like fruit that grows on a tree native to tropical Africa.  The name "tamarind" comes from tamar hindi or "Indian date" which is fitting since the tamarind tastes a bit like a sweet and sour date. 

Full grown Tamarind tree:

Photo Attribution

And here are the pods still attached to the tree: 

Photo Attribution

Now you are starting to understand the poo reference, no?


Most of us have had tamarind without even knowing it....ever eat Worcestershire sauce?  Tamarind is one of the main ingredients.  Who knew?!  It's also used in all kinds of seasonings (especially in Southeast Asia), chutneys, curries, etc.  In the Yin/Yang philosophy that is applied to many Asian dishes, the tamarind would be considered a "Yin" food because of its slightly acidic yet cooling qualities. 

Though it has some of the highest sugar content of any fruit, it also has some pretty substantial health benefits.  It's high(ish) in dietary fiber and has a significant amount of tartaric acid - which is apparently a very powerful antioxidant (and no, I didn't know any of this prior to 5 minutes ago, wikipedia, and a google search).  Tamarind is also a good source of iron, calcium, and thiamine.  It is used as a mild laxative, a digestive and as a remedy for bile disorders (ew!). 

If you like dates, I think you'll like the tamarind.  You kinda never know what you're going to get until you crack open the shell.  Sometimes, they are very sweet (more mature) and sometimes, super sour (younguns).  If they're dry, don't eat them.  Also, if they're covered in dead maggots (don't ask), I might shy away.  I like them in the shell because eating them is more like an activity.  If you're a fan of peanuts in the shell or peel and eat shrimp, you know what I mean.  Eating a tamarind isn't just good because they taste great but it's entertaining too. 

Having said ALL that, you must get over the appearance of the tamarind to enjoy the fruits (pun, as usual, fully intended) of your labor.  

You can see what I mean: 

 

Look at that!  Even with special lighting and all of the photo fixes Picasa could muster it still looks like Mr. Hanky the Christmas poo. 

The similarities are uncanny.  And btw, anyone else bothered yet slightly excited that there is a Mr. Hankey bobble head??

Sadly, I think tamarind is pretty hard to find in the States so you may be out of luck.  Then again, given above Christmas Poo reference, you might not be in the market for tamarind....like....ever. 

Amoeba, Youmoeba, Wemoeba

Rotgut.  We've all been there.  You feel fine then all of the sudden, a rumble, a cramp, and a sprint to the nearest er....relief station.  Go ahead and judge me and spout "ews" and "icks" until you're blue in the face, I don't care.  Shit happens and in the case of rotgut (more of a pet name than a diagnosis)....it REALLY happens. 

So how many of you right now are thinking it's me that has been afflicted???  If you're reading this and you have known me more than five minutes, then you almost certainly guessed that my knees are bruised from praying to the porcelain gods but you're wrong!  In this particular instance, I have dodged this parasitic bullet but it has laid waste to my typically burly man hunk of a husband.  Poor dear.  The fact that I'm writing this post should say a lot about how bad he's feeling -- I'm not even real scared about how mad he'll be when he's found out I told the world about his .... affliction. 

                                                                poor poor teddy :(

Now, to be clear, the culprit has yet to be identified but if it were up to Nurse Lindsey, I'd offer a diagnosis of 'too much, too soon' but I don't think you can find that anywhere in the annals of modern medicine (pun so intended, it hurts).  So it's either exhaustion that has weakened his immune system or some sort of bacteria, virus, or gasp! wheeze! shake! moan!....AMOEBAS.  That's right people, amoebas aren't just harmless little single celled life forms characterized by irregular blobby shapes.  NO NO....they're much much more than that. 

Here is where I was going to insert a fun fact or two or perhaps a picture of amoebic dysentery on the cellular level buuuuut, how lame would that have been?!?!  Instead, checky out what I found...

Though technically the cause of unheard of amounts of pain and suffering, who said Amoebiasis doesn't have a sense of humor.  Honestly, I've no idea what that has to do with anything I'm writing about here but I thought it was hilarious and with a sick significant other and a lazy dog, well, I'm pretty booooored.

ALSO....you know what's fun about attempting self diagnosis by way of the world wide interwebs?  You find gems like this:

In case you're unsure what you're seeing, that's Amoebic Dysentery.....the band.  It's worth checking out the article about them on last.fm if for no other reason than to eyeball the tags associated with the pics/article including but certainly not limited to:  "shitgrind, goregrind,  and noisecore"  ...whatever the hell all that means.  If you are feeling like something random to distract you from whatever productive things you might otherwise have engaged in, please, click here ----->Amoebic Dysentery

I guess I'm not ready to blame Manila for this first round of (S)ickness that has invaded our lives but I'll be keeping an eye on you, oh most populated city in southeast asia.  If this turns out to be your fault, I will have my vengeance....even if it comes in the form of canned everything and spending obscene amounts of money ordering costco food stuffs online.  Mark my words.....

Check out the new hood....

....which I'm happy to say is not a hood whatsoever.  We'll be living in the Salcedo neighborhood which, best I can tell, is a community within a community within a community.  Manila is HUGE but strangely enough, it's only the second largest city in the Philippines.  First is Quezon which is slightly larger by area and population but if the whole dang region is called the Northern Capital Region aka Metro Manila then let's just keep it simple and I'll reiterate that this place is HUGE.  So it's basically got what you'd consider counties and towns and suburbs and I guess Salcedo is basically a suburb of Makati and kinda similar to Shirlington where we lived before and which was I guess a suburb of Arlington.  Confused much?  Me too.

Point is, it's a cute little area that's close to a lot of fun things to explore and every weekend there are TWO community markets within walking distance.  The closest one to us (as in 10 feet from our lobby door) is the Salcedo Community Market.  We won't actually be moving into our place until probably July but Salcedo is within walking distance of our current hotel so we decided to check out our new "hood" this past Saturday.

So the sign must have lied, they DO allow dogs....

There are a lot of things to love about living in a tropical climate.  We have access to fruits people in the States will never see (because they're too delicate to ship), there's NO need for coats or any fabric heavier than cotton (woot!), and flowers....lots and lots of beautiful flowers.  I can't wait until we're moved into our permanent place so we can have them ALL OVER the apartment. 

Bessie has seen better days....

But not to worry, she was put to good use.  :)  Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I am still weary of the food here.  Something about this market though, made me feel more at ease.  Perhaps it's because it's in a "clean" area of town or maybe it's the fact that I could literally see the food being prepared.  It was too early for lunch so we didn't try any of the food the vendors were selling but maybe next weekend.  All I know is that every time I've tried something that looked "normal" (read, American), it has been awful.  I am a pretty adventurous eater but I've been taking it slow here.  Maybe the real trick though is to dive right into local fare?  I dunno.....I'm torn.  Canned chicken is gonna remain a staple for a while me thinks.  :)


Definitely buying some of this honey when we move in our place.  Doesn't get any fresher than that!

I know - the picture taking gods will be horrified.  Lighting is awful, husbear looks like a ghost.  Can I claim I did that on purpose and get a pass?  Truth is, I didn't really want this to turn out that great because then you might have noticed how far our place is from being ready.  The floors were super dusty and when they said they were renovating the bathrooms and kitchen, they weren't kidding.  I thought maybe that meant, a fresh coat of pain or some new appliances but no...whole walls were missing and concrete was everywhere.  Need I say how worried I am that our early July move in date was just some far fetched quote and nowhere near reaching reality?  Sigh.  At any rate, the place is huge, the view is great, and it's situated in just the sweetest part of town so I'm not complaining (too much). 

All in all, it was a very nice introduction to the neighborhood.  I sorta wish that we had waited a couple more weeks before trying to get a sneak peak.  Now I'll just sit around and KNOW what I'm missing.  On second though, maybe I should go pack and take more pics so I can get super anal about pre-planning furniture arrangement and wall painting......

Dirty peanuts, tiny squares of cut up t-shirts, trash cans, and knife sharpening -- all in a day's work for Manila's "traffic vendors"

Today and most of yesterday, I was weighing my blogging options.  There are two issues I'm inclined to write about.  One is poverty in Manila, a subject I'm fairly certain I will come back to time and time again.  The other was the laugh out loud trip home Zach and I had in traffic yesterday.  Then I realized, oddly enough, in this case I can write about both because they are related

My very brave and adventurous husband has rented a little Honda something or other to get around town until our car arrives.  Needless to say, I am NOT feeling quite so brave as yet and am starting to feel pretty sure that I will drive  little, if ever, in this town.  There are a number of reasons for this, many of which have to do with the fact that it is easier (and real real cheap) to get from our home to most places and quite honestly, I'm more than happy to cough up a little $$ to save some sanity.  But, Z is a red blooded American who does not intend to rely on someone else to get him around so I will dutifully support this caveman tendency (insert chest thumping, grunting, and honking).

Unfortunately for Zach, all his prior training in the driving department is 100% moot in Manila.  There are no rules, save for some color law that restricts who can drive on Wednesdays (I'm not kidding, this is a law and yes, THAT is how bad the pollution is).  Other than that, however, it seems to me that anything goes.  Crosswalks are for sissies and lines on the road that would otherwise be interpreted as pedestrian right of ways, are apparently directing traffic to speed up and aim directly for the blonde woman with the weird looking hot dog.  There are no lanes, no signals (but hey, that's pretty much like home sweet NoVa so not much to adjust to), and no enforced speed limits.  Honking is constant and like crosswalks, is left to interpretation.  One or two honks is a cabbie looking to get you to hop in his cab (where he will have probably turned the meter off and forgotten his way around Manila) and three honks is most likely a HUGE bus that is stopping in the middle of the road or making a uturn from the far right lane.  Stop lights are negotiable but if there is movement, it's best to just go along...red light or not.  Here's an overhead video someone took.  There are LOTS of photos out there and probably twice as many blogs written about the traffic in Manila so I KNOW I'm being redundant.  Having said that, take a looky loo at this video and try and tell me you wouldn't also be inspired to say something about it:

I'm starting to think I might not get to the poverty thing afterall.   It probably deserves a more dedicated posting anyhow.

So, on with the show....

The Jeepneys.  So many blogs and posters and rants have been dedicated to the jeepneys that I probably don't even need to waste my breath.  They are FASCINATING though and have both this odd historical mystique yet remain freaking annoying as all get out.  They're loud, dirty, emit more soot than anything I've ever seen that didn't produce coal, and are the absolute WORST about following any sort of traffic law or pattern.  People are crammed in and like, the buses, get off the Jeepneys in the middle of traffic.  I may have to update this with a video someday.  I've seen so many near death experiences in two days, words don't do it justice.  There are also these tricycle, sidecar like contraptions that I swear are like clown cars.  You've never seen so many people cram into one ...er...moving thingamajig.

But what really gets me are the street vendors.  I don't know that street vendors really describes it right.  They're more like traffic vendors.  These folks are walking in the middle of all this madness trying to sell stuff and in some cases, services.  I tried to take a few pics but it really doesn't translate.  There were men selling peanuts in the middle of a main thoroughfare.  I'm not talking about a 20 mph side street.  This was THE main road in Manila and though traffic was wall to wall, there were motorcycles and cars speeding in every direction.  It seems insane that someone would risk life and limb to try and sell a few peanuts but I guess that's where the poverty and humor in this story overlap.  They do what they have to do to survive and in this guy's case, it was selling dirty peanuts.  I'm not exaggerating there.  They were DIRTY.  Everything that lines the main roads in Manila is coated with a thick layer of soot (or what looks like soot anyway) and it pretty much stays like that until monsoon season when the rain comes and washes it all away.  Needless to say, peanuts are not spared this indecency and most of his product was the same color as the side of the buildings that lined the road.  I guess technically, you don't eat the outside but still....well, you get the point.  You get the point and I don't want to think about it anymore.

There's also a man (or several men) who sharpen knives while you wait for the lights to turn green or for traffic to start moving again.  I haven't seen them yet but I'll be keeping an eye out ... and a knife handy.  :)  There are people who sell tiny tiny cut up t-shirts (I guess to clean with??), chargers, dusters, brooms, Filipino flags and trashcans.  I am not making fun - just fascinated by the wares and the thought process behind picking the products to sell on the streets.  Car charges I totally get.  Even the tiny tiny cut up shirts I can understand because who hasn't spilled a diet coke in their console and wished they had anything ... absolutely anything...to clean it up with?  But full size brooms, trash cans, and flags?  I am not following the logic.  Then again, I've only been here 5 days - maybe it'll all be clear in a few more weeks.

Oh - and there's pagpag and balut....don't get me started.  Look it up.   Mine is not the first jaw to have dropped at the sight of these things....

AWOL

These last few days have left me with much to blog about.  From birthdays and The Christmas Story to La Mer (wahoo!) and Antoine Dodson butterflies;  I don't think there has ever been a series of days so rife with material!  Unfortunately, I will be out of town starting this Sunday and then we're moving halfway across the world.  Heck, in this case, it's WHOLEway across the world!  Regardless, I don't know how much I'll be able to blog about all of my Simple Pleasures but never fear, you know me, I have a list of all of the things I want to tell you my pretties!  I WILL get to them all!

I will be AWOL off and on for at least 3 weeks (sigh sigh sigh).  In the meantime, please enjoy a different kind of AWOL:

Alcohol without Liquid (AWOL)

er...what you say???

That's right, if you feel drinking your booze is just too much work, you too, can own your own alcohol vaporizer.  Jury is still out on the health considerations but hey, don't worry, you probably won't feel any more pain.  Not because you'll be drunk off the vapors but because you will have gotten your ass beat by other party goers for being so lame and any additional pain would just pale in comparison.  I double dog dare you to whip out your AWOL in a normal setting.   Hell, I think I'd kick your ass.  That or I'd take your picture and make you the subject of a Rant.

But because I'm a fan of your right to choose whether to be a turd or not, here's the link so you can buy your very own AWOL vaporizer thingy majiggy. 

Think they'll start selling them at Wal-Mart soon??  Is it me or does it look like a cross between a wacky tobaccy pipe and a er....instrument to boost certain body parts??  So gross.

Dirty Dirtkins

It's a conspiracy!  This nasty of all nasties was found in a reputable establishment.  Unlike my other recent run in with a reusable roller towel hand dryer thingy, this one was found in an outdoor sporting goods store that we visit occasionally.  At least the one from the antique store in the boonies was clean!  This one was clearly well used.  Let's just say it was another opportunity for me to test how well my clothes double as towels.