From time to time (read: DAILY), I am guilty of going down random rabbit-holes on the interwebs. I have admittedly gotten lost searching "celebrity deformities" more than once as it is by far one of the more satisfying time wasters. Now, because I am a typically nice person and have a guilty conscience, I would like to caveat that I don't think the following deformities/abnormalities/quirks make any of these people less beautiful or talented but I think sometimes we forget that these folks are real people. They poo poo on the potty, probably pick their nose, and don't wake up looking like they do on the cover of the magazines we are constantly buying. These little irregularities just happen to bring home that fact. No chance I'm even close to the first person who has shared these photos but hey, the beauty of a personal blog is that it's personal. I can do what I want! None of the following are my photos (obvi!), fyi. No attribution provided because there are so many copies out there, it's impossible to find the original. So, without further ado....DEFORMITIES OF YOUR FAVORITE STARS:
In the interest of full disclosure, I think that his elbow has gotten significantly better over the last several years. Apparently, it was calcium buildup after he fell on it while filming a scene for The Doors.
I think this is my favorite. I may have even already blogged about it. I would have NEVER seen this on my own. Thank you webstalkers! Anything that helps us make fun of T.C. is appreciated.
OUCH!
Toe nubbins!!!!
No one looks at her damn belly button anyway!
Again, I'm guessing 99.999999% of the world's male population could give two shits about her thumbs!
Of course, his quirk is super cool!
Admit it, you're jealous you can't do "nanoo nanoo!" with your toes!
Way too distracted by his abs to even notice he has nipples...much less three of them.
And this is like a mini tribute to Granny D. I used to untwist her twisty toes for fun. Grandparents will let you do anything, I swear.
First of all, I want apologize to a fellow blogger for stealing her idea but honestly, even though she has written countless reviews of unusual fruits in her "weird fruit diaries" - I thought for sure she would have steered clear of this one. For one, it's not really what you'd think of as a fruit in the first place and secondly, she has kids and there's NO WAY they would try this. Buuuuut, I was wrong....at least partially. I am still pretty sure her kids didn't try this but I also don't think think she was aware that it's technically a fruit. Needless to say, I didn't find it when I searched "weird fruit diaries" and "bitter gourd" so I thought I was safe. And now my justification for continuing with this post? It IS a fruit and I cooked it differently so hopefully this won't count as outright theft. If you want to check out her take on the bitter gourd, please do! She even came up with a catchier title-- the bitter truth
I picked up my bitter gourd from the market across the street and when I asked how bitter it was, the lady said, "Not really bitter." She's a liar. It's bitter...supah bitter.
There she is - in all her bitter splendor.
The inside is a weird spongy mess. Scoop all that out!
Ready for a fun fact? When the fruit gets real real ripe, it looks like this:
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?! I am not sure I would have carried on with this experiment had I seen that ahead of time. It looks like something from a fruity horror flick.
In addition to scooping the spongy goop out, the key to reducing bitterness is slicing the gourd super thin.
Ok - so...admittedly, taco seasoning is not what most would consider a "go to" item when cooking bitter gourd but this was before our HHE (and pantry contents) arrived so it was the best I could do.
And the really real for real key to reducing bitterness? Adding Rice Vinegar. Some would consider this cheating and it would certainly change the flavor of whatever you're cooking WITH the bitter gourd but there is no way I would find this a pleasing experience without it. So, I doused and then soaked my chopped gourd (does that sound dirty to anyone else?) for about 15 minutes.
I had some shredded pork, chickpeas, diced tomatoes, and onions leftover from an earlier concoction so I just threw it all together. The result? I can honestly say it wasn't bad. I had husbear try a bite and he said it basically tasted like a pickle. So....I guess it could have been worse. I realize it doesn't look appetizing and you probably shouldn't have to work so hard to make something taste....edible - but I guess that's what makes discovering new things fun eh?
And for the grand finale? People are so wackadoodle that they've made a drink out of this phallic disaster. Oh dear...I think this post has turned ugly.
(Nasty horror shot and bittermelonman photos courtesy of every blogger's friend, Wikipedia; Everything else by yours truly.)
Last year was a VERY busy year for us so you'll, I hope, forgive that I am just getting around to posting some 2012 tidbits. Some things I'm sure I'll never get around to but there's at least one thing that I have to spread the word about or I won't be able to live with myself. See, last May, husbear and I rented an RV (we'll call her "Bessie") and drove a sorta upside down horseshoe through Arizona, Utah, Colorado, and New Mexico then through Texas, Arkansas and Tennessee to get back to Northern Virginia. It was a fantastic trip and I'm so so glad we did it. I hope to share more of our adventures in the NO SHIT wild wild west but first and foremost, I need to let you in on a little secret.
Should you ever be in the neighborhood (and trust me, you won't ever be....so just drive there on purpose ok?), you should stop by this little museum/curio/roadside attraction/junkyard/all around awesome venue: THE TINKERTOWN MUSEUM. It was the ONE damn thing I really wanted to do on this roadtrip that didn't involve majestic scenery, hiking until we were purple in the face, or eating BBQ (we did all that too and yes....it was equally awesome). Er...maybe not equally. Because if you're me, the Tinkertown Museum pretty much epitomizes everything that is right and good in the world of road trips.
A sign found in Tinkertown that puts into words why RVing is still so popular and why we did this instead of a European vacation.
My husband had a moment's hesitation where he almost insisted we keep driving because we we needed to "start covering some ground" but a quick look at my face and I think he knew it was a fight he ever had a chance of winning. In any case, he did right by me and indulged my inner child (thank you dear) by stopping at this relic.
There have been many articles written and interviews given about this place so I won't bore you with the history. If you want to know more, you can do so by clicking here, here, or here.
And here's a video of Tinkertown with possibly the worst flute music I've ever heard:
What I will say is that almost everything in Tinkertown was MADE BY HAND over a 40 year period by one guy, Ross Ward (the dearly departed).
I think, in my case, I'll just let the pictures tell the story. Here are just a few snapshots from the museum that was made "while you were watching TV"....
I can't remember how much we paid to get into the museum but it was worth every damn penny so cough that shit up if you find yourself in Sandia, NM.
Wish this picture did justice to the scale of the place and the work that went in. I mean, one guy carved ALL that stuff! Sorry, I know it's a crap picture - I was TOO excited!
Even Mary Poppins makes a visit. How very superkalifragilisticexpialidocious!
PBR me ASAP
This was one of my favorites though I can't say I understand it. The Rusty Wyer Band is jamming out (you can see the whole band here) but what's that scary little ol' lady doin? I don't know but it makes a great photo op.
Seriously? How freakin' cool is that?? Who needs to drive all the way to Tombstone when you can have THIS experience at Tinkertown? Um...no one.
This is one of the many "automated" displays. There's a little switch you can turn that makes the chicken run away from the chef. If you look close, you can see the chicken there....and the chef running after him with a meat cleaver. Can you imagine? The chicken alone must have taken him a full day to carve. Crazy when you think about it!
This one makes me think he may have had a wee carving....problem/addiction.
Forgive the poor picture quality but this was pretty neat too. He did a scaled Big Top circus and up top were real photos of circus performers.
The deets: Tinkertown is open from April 1st through October 31st, 9 a.m. to 6 p.m., 7 days a week -- last admission sold at 5:30 pm
And one more thing, I think I have to thank my parents for instilling in me the ability to appreciate things like this. This place truly is a simple pleasure in a complex world and I'm glad we went just a little bit out of our way to visit. The dinosaur museum at Thanksgiving Point in Utah was another great example of this but I guess that's a story for another day. Anyway, thanks to mom and dad for all the quirky road trips - makes you appreciate the little things.
Given the recent deluge of news on wire tapping, cyber spying and general whining about privacy violations, I thought it might be interesting (to no one but me probably) to see just what my google search and general interwebs browsing behavior reveals about my personal habits.
So, here's my morning so far...with explanations, where available:
Blogger: Simple Pleasures in a Complex World - edit post (probably some lame misspelling that I desperately hope no one noticed before)
Facebook
Facebook
Facebook
Blogger
Google log in
Facebook
Facebook
Blogger: Moments of Lucidity (commenting on Donna's post about a man getting beat up by a toddler) Check it out: Moments of Lucidity
Blogger: Simple Pleasures (yep - still no one has commented or probably even read my last post)
Facebook stalking times a million
Blogger: Hollywood: Where HOT Comes to Die (I have no shame. She's hilarious. Don't believe me? See for yourself -- Hollywood: Where HOT comes to die)
Blogger stalking times 12 (I think I just went down the list of blog links on Hollywood's site to see if there were any I could steal. I can't even be bothered to search for cool blogs on my own...)
Blogger: Simple Pleasures (Layout and Template edits - because maybe if I put this widget before that widget, someone will visit me!?!?!)
Minutes of Mayhem: Things they've learned by spying on you (dammit! now you all know where I stole the idea for this post from. Not to mention, I found this website by trolling Hollywood's Blog links. My creativity points for the day have plummeted.)
Minutes of Mayhem: Justin Bieber's Penis (Um....I have no excuse. It was just there....and I am forever scarred. What has been seen cannot be unseen.)
Facebook times 6 (all daddy well wishing stuff. Let's not even try and figure out how this came right after the Beeb's penis. I already think I am going to need counseling after this sharefest.)
Amazon - The shopping cart that will never die. I have been working on this order for two weeks. Will I ever see my Kashi Go Lean and heather gray leggings??? Probably not.
Google Search : Interview questions for household help (don't judge me...everyone in the Phils hires help) This is also where I went away from the wide world of interwebs and was productive for probably a record 45 min stretch. Yes...you should be impressed.
Google News - wha?!?!? How'd this get here???
Treat tote bag review- another hold up on the Amazon order because apparently I HAVE to have the perfect training treat bag and cannot waste $5 on something sub par so down the rabbit hole of reviews I went.
Facebook - cute pic of a dog on a couch...must.comment.now
Google News
Google Search - Wuthering Heights (only because the horrible 2011 movie version was on tv)
Minutes of Mayhem: yeah...back to the Beeb's penis. I don't know why. Can I claim the tab was still open???
Star Movies - to confirm that Piranha 3DD is, in fact, on in an hour (IT IS!)
Simple Pleasures - edit post (this one!)
Google news - but only to find an article about cyber spying so I can grab another word for....cyber spying.
Minutes of Mayhem: Things they've learned by spying on you. Ok Ok, here it is: Things they've learned by spying on you If you'll please please please click that link, you'll start to understand my Bieber...problem. It wasn't my fault! It was just there!
Today and most of yesterday, I was weighing my blogging options. There are two issues I'm inclined to write about. One is poverty in Manila, a subject I'm fairly certain I will come back to time and time again. The other was the laugh out loud trip home Zach and I had in traffic yesterday. Then I realized, oddly enough, in this case I can write about both because they are related
My very brave and adventurous husband has rented a little Honda something or other to get around town until our car arrives. Needless to say, I am NOT feeling quite so brave as yet and am starting to feel pretty sure that I will drive little, if ever, in this town. There are a number of reasons for this, many of which have to do with the fact that it is easier (and real real cheap) to get from our home to most places and quite honestly, I'm more than happy to cough up a little $$ to save some sanity. But, Z is a red blooded American who does not intend to rely on someone else to get him around so I will dutifully support this caveman tendency (insert chest thumping, grunting, and honking).
Unfortunately for Zach, all his prior training in the driving department is 100% moot in Manila. There are no rules, save for some color law that restricts who can drive on Wednesdays (I'm not kidding, this is a law and yes, THAT is how bad the pollution is). Other than that, however, it seems to me that anything goes. Crosswalks are for sissies and lines on the road that would otherwise be interpreted as pedestrian right of ways, are apparently directing traffic to speed up and aim directly for the blonde woman with the weird looking hot dog. There are no lanes, no signals (but hey, that's pretty much like home sweet NoVa so not much to adjust to), and no enforced speed limits. Honking is constant and like crosswalks, is left to interpretation. One or two honks is a cabbie looking to get you to hop in his cab (where he will have probably turned the meter off and forgotten his way around Manila) and three honks is most likely a HUGE bus that is stopping in the middle of the road or making a uturn from the far right lane. Stop lights are negotiable but if there is movement, it's best to just go along...red light or not. Here's an overhead video someone took. There are LOTS of photos out there and probably twice as many blogs written about the traffic in Manila so I KNOW I'm being redundant. Having said that, take a looky loo at this video and try and tell me you wouldn't also be inspired to say something about it:
I'm starting to think I might not get to the poverty thing afterall. It probably deserves a more dedicated posting anyhow.
So, on with the show....
The Jeepneys. So many blogs and posters and rants have been dedicated to the jeepneys that I probably don't even need to waste my breath. They are FASCINATING though and have both this odd historical mystique yet remain freaking annoying as all get out. They're loud, dirty, emit more soot than anything I've ever seen that didn't produce coal, and are the absolute WORST about following any sort of traffic law or pattern. People are crammed in and like, the buses, get off the Jeepneys in the middle of traffic. I may have to update this with a video someday. I've seen so many near death experiences in two days, words don't do it justice. There are also these tricycle, sidecar like contraptions that I swear are like clown cars. You've never seen so many people cram into one ...er...moving thingamajig.
But what really gets me are the street vendors. I don't know that street vendors really describes it right. They're more like traffic vendors. These folks are walking in the middle of all this madness trying to sell stuff and in some cases, services. I tried to take a few pics but it really doesn't translate. There were men selling peanuts in the middle of a main thoroughfare. I'm not talking about a 20 mph side street. This was THE main road in Manila and though traffic was wall to wall, there were motorcycles and cars speeding in every direction. It seems insane that someone would risk life and limb to try and sell a few peanuts but I guess that's where the poverty and humor in this story overlap. They do what they have to do to survive and in this guy's case, it was selling dirty peanuts. I'm not exaggerating there. They were DIRTY. Everything that lines the main roads in Manila is coated with a thick layer of soot (or what looks like soot anyway) and it pretty much stays like that until monsoon season when the rain comes and washes it all away. Needless to say, peanuts are not spared this indecency and most of his product was the same color as the side of the buildings that lined the road. I guess technically, you don't eat the outside but still....well, you get the point. You get the point and I don't want to think about it anymore.
There's also a man (or several men) who sharpen knives while you wait for the lights to turn green or for traffic to start moving again. I haven't seen them yet but I'll be keeping an eye out ... and a knife handy. :) There are people who sell tiny tiny cut up t-shirts (I guess to clean with??), chargers, dusters, brooms, Filipino flags and trashcans. I am not making fun - just fascinated by the wares and the thought process behind picking the products to sell on the streets. Car charges I totally get. Even the tiny tiny cut up shirts I can understand because who hasn't spilled a diet coke in their console and wished they had anything ... absolutely anything...to clean it up with? But full size brooms, trash cans, and flags? I am not following the logic. Then again, I've only been here 5 days - maybe it'll all be clear in a few more weeks.
Oh - and there's pagpag and balut....don't get me started. Look it up. Mine is not the first jaw to have dropped at the sight of these things....
I have been looking forward to writing this post for some time. My mother-in-law, Shirley (bless her thoughtful heart) bought me the board game "A Christmas Story" last year for Christmas. Now, like a lot of people, I LOVE this movie and was thrilled to have the board game. All I really needed were some victims to play with me. After 7 months I was finally able to coerce my mother and husband into playing.
After a long day of packing, we decided to settle in with some beers and some family fun time. It started out innocently enough although my husband (who is NOT a fan of the movie) was clearly playing under duress. That's ok though. I had my mom and some sweet tea vodka to boost my confidence...oh, and a wiener dog. The board was cute, with pictures of Ralphie's house, the schoolyard, etc and the playing cards were shaped like Christmas ornaments (very clever).
If we would have just walked away at this point, all would have been well.
Here's the deal, the instructions made NO sense! When I say no sense, they literally were indecipherable. From the very start, I was confused. I say "I" because although Mom and Zach had agreed to play, they did NOT agree to read the instructions. In other words, I was determined to figure this out. I really wanted this to be fun for them so I focused intently on reading the directions. I focused but I felt my eyes going crossways. The game said to start from "home" but there was no "home" marked on the board. It only got worse from there....really really really really a WHOLE lot worse.
You can't see it all but it says "Ralphie's House" there. We can only assume that's what the game creators meant when they said "home".
I stole the following from one of MANY Amazon user reviews: "Here is an actual quote from the directions: To move down the sidewalk, players discard one card and move as many spaces as the number on the card. However, cards printed with a '1' will move a player '2' spaces if played in this manner. If a player does not wish to discard a card to move on the sidewalk, they may move one space only. ....WHAT?!?!"
A rare moment where all of the leg lamps were standing up right. It took me 5 tries to get this picture because those damn things were flopping all over the place.
An elusive Ralphie card. We still have no idea what the numbers mean....
Uncontrollable giggles start as I give up on the real directions and attempt to make my own just to keep Mom and Zach from walking out on me. Zach is enjoying the lunacy of it all but I could tell my time is running out...
Not helping!!
We laughed, we cried, we ended up smoking cigars on the front porch while Mom and Zach read me the trivia questions.
Still, all in all, it was worth it for the laughs. I won't be playing this again but I will hold onto the box and maybe make some Christmas decorations out of the contents.
To be honest, I had almost as much fun reading the reviews on Amazon the next day as I did "playing" the game the night before. Here's a snippit from one of my favorites:
(But really, you should do yourself a favor and check out all of the reviews...they're hilarious! You can find them all here)
"A Christmas Story game is the Hindenburg of board games. Oh the humanity! My girlfriend and I spent an hour trying to understand the directions and laughing at the typos. The game makes no sense. The leg lamp pieces tip over way too easily (like if you breathe on them or look at them).
And the questions themselves--they were so hard they could have been in Latin for all we cared.
After slogging through the first two pages of incomprehensible directions, I actually thought the game was a joke, like an April Fools Day prank. It was not. Luckily, we purchased the game for $1 at a garage sale. We overpaid. Next time, I hope "A Christmas Story" board game manufacturers think twice before nearly ruining our favorite holiday movie"
So this is what I heard on the way home from work tonight. Apparently, they're all over Iraq but until I laid eyes on the little guys, I thought the ruckus belonged to a herd of angry cats. Seriously strange sound. I've heard coyotes and wolves but this was a new one on me. I definitely wasn't prepared for the noise to belong to a dog lookin' thing. According to all of the super lame research I've done tonight, they aren't scared of people and are known to carry rabies. Glad I got all my shots. Too bad about Z :( Guess I'll have to put him out of his misery if he starts foaming at the mouth.
I'm quite sure NONE of you are as lucky as I am to have a freakin' hilarious brother in law. I have pretty much adored John Land since my sister introduced me to him and we became horrible horror movie watching buddies when I was 12. Just about everything he does is worthy of a three stooges highlight reel. From mailing fake poo to falling through a roof to his hatred of pigs and his reaction to almost being killed by a "handpainted" piggy coffee mug one Christmas. We share laughs and exchange pranks and although my father might disagree (tee hee), we are lucky that he joined this family. Well, folks, he's struck again and let's just say his humor has only ripened with age....and it is really really really ripe.
Nothing much else to do except introduce you to Lindsey's 33rd birthday, brought to you by John Land:
If I'd only known how true this was....
ack! Pop up singing-butterfly-zombie Dodson. I'm not sure what's scarier...that, or the face I'm making.
Reliving Halloween....all he needs is a wig and a wife beater
Cute polka dot paper...maybe this was one of the other Land family presents??
Hmmm....starting to suspect something. Unless Kris wants me to control my cholesterol...
Don't be jealous, I have my very own Antoine T-shirt..."They raping everyone in here..."
Zach is clearly thrilled with the new addition to our t-shirt family.
I love my present....for real!
And just in case any of you have been living in a cave for the last couple of years or would like a reminder of how ridiculous Antoine truly was/is, here's a throwback...
