Courage

I didn't make a resolution this year.  Well, I guess that's a lie.  In the middle of a yoga class on 31 December 2014, the instructor suggested (if we were so inclined) that we could set our intention for the year and I did just that.  So in a way, I guess that was me making a resolution.  

It's not that I don't think the idea of making resolutions is a good thing, I just believe that our resolutions for ourselves should constantly be in a state of tweaking, you know?  The intentions that I set for 2015?  Well, I think I will hold on to them for now.  They, like me, are a work in progress and actually I am really really trying to follow through so I don't want to jinx myself by sharing them with the Intersphere. 

I will share a resolution of the day though.  It's one that constantly rears its head in my personal and professional life and I'm sure that I am not unique in wanting to have more of this in my back pocket.  And what is it that I want more of out of myself on a daily basis???

Courage.

Simple.  

But not at all simple. 

I watch Ted Talks and listen to girl power blogs (shout out to Call Your Girlfriend; the podcast for long distance besties everywhere).  I try to equip myself with the right motivation so that, in a time of crisis or opposition, I will steel myself but mostly I cave in.  Unless I have the opportunity to spout my opinion in an email and then I deliberate and deliberate and edit and "save as draft" for weeks before I send the damn thing.  By the time I've remembered that I never sent it, the point is beyond moot.  

So why do we do this?  And in particular why, as women, do we do this?  What will it take to lock in the courage that we deserve.  For me, I can plot the life circumstances that led/lead to me having ample courage and other occasions where that same courage was destroyed as if it had never existed in the first place.  I am deeply affected by people's opinion of me.  Sad but true.  I am (ahem...overly) sensitive and quick to apologize, fix, worry, ruminate, stew, rehash, sort out, fret, rinse, soap, wash, repeat -- at the sign of a disagreement. It takes years for me to build up the courage that I believe I deserve yet seconds to watch it all come crumbling down at the hands of a short sighted moron. 

What a hypocrite I am.  I am always trying to enable my female colleagues and friends to put their opinions out there.  I want them not to be afraid to have lives and thoughts and passions of their own, regardless of their circumstances.  I think that I have inspired a few people along the way.  I hope that I have anyway.  So why, when faced with someone who disagrees with me do I so badly want to make them feel comfortable that I almost change my original opinion.  Hold the phone.  Let me clarify something, I don't actually change my fundamental beliefs or opinions (unless they need changin') but I make people believe that I see logic in their argument when there are definitely occasions I see none.  In some ways, this isn't a bad way to operate.  The best way to get an audience with someone (with the strategic plan to change their mind) is to make them believe that you actually put some credence in their opinion.  That is only sometimes the conscious tact I'm taking though.  

Why the deliberation?  Why the soft peddling in delivering a message?  Why do we (particularly the women "we") try to package our opinions so that they are digestible for everyone?  This CAN'T be necessary.  There has to be a better way and I believe that way has something to do with courage. 

People won't like it when you tell them they're wrong.  You, by the way, will sometimes BE WRONG.  But to really live with the satisfaction that you're being honest with yourself requires the courage to constantly publicize your VERY WORTHY opinions.

I wrote an email today.  I haven't sent it yet but I will tomorrow.  It needs sending.  It craves to be shared with the audience that needs to read it.  They will not like it.  They might ignore it.  They might get mad about it but there's something we forget when we're scared -- we're not the only ones.  What if your audience is equally scared of you?  What if they need courage to talk to you about issues, complaints, personal dilemmas?  In the long run, wouldn't we all be better off by being courageous enough to show some vulnerability.  Sticking up for something you believe in strongly is hard because you're showing someone your hand.  You have given them power because they now know how you truly feel.  On the other hand, you have taken back your voice -- and that, holds all the power in the world.

"Don't...call me babe!" Pamela Anderson - the feminist activist???

I have recently started listening to one of the greatest podcasts ever --How did this get made --which is essentially a review/summary of HORRIBLE movies discussed on air between 3 cohosts (who are also comedians) and usually at least one guest.  Some of my favorite reviews include Sleepaway Camp (which you can watch in its entirety on YouTube), Roadhouse, and Over the Top.  Seriously, they are hilarious.  Go check them out.  I would recommend watching said horrible movie before you listen to the podcast for full effect but it's not necessary.  

As in the case of Barb Wire.  I have never seen nor will I ever see that movie but I did listen to the How Did This Get Made podcast where they discussed this trainwreck and it was...memorable.  The woman comedian on the podcast, June Diane Raphael, is not only hysterical but she also lends a sympathetic tone to the podcast...usually acting as the lone defender of some of the most awful movies in history.  That's not to say she likes the movies.  It's more that she's trying to find the one redeeming quality where redeeming qualities are in short supply.

"Fans of gratuitous side boob, you're in luck!"  -- that's how the podcast for Barb Wire starts and it should give you a good idea of where the conversation is headed. That is, until June decides to find the elusive redeeming quality of the movie which is apparently Barb Wire's role as....a feminist?!?!?  Listening to June attempt to defend this hypothesis is priceless.  Do yourself a favor and download this podcast. 

The kickoff of June's defense of Barb Wire as a feminist (and the reason the conversation took this turn) was based on the visceral response Pam Anderson aka "Barb" has any time someone calls her "BABE": 

On the flip side (and perhaps the more honest version of events), one of the other cohosts, Jason Mantzoukas, calls Pam Anderson a, "stone cold dumb dumb," -- a phrase he uses frequently but which is most appropriate within the parameters of this movie.  

Whatever your stance, take a listen.  If you're really brave, watch the movie too....and let me know how it is. 

I don't know whether it's the copious breasticles, the big hair, or the satin gloves but this TOTALLY screams feminism to me!

You're Really Photogenic aka You're Not That Good Looking in Real Life

Yet another demonstration that 1. my noggin' works in mysterious ways and 2. there are people out there whose noggins (work with me here) are even more messed up. 

So, someone delivered what I thought was a really nice compliment the other day:  "Those pictures from the other night were great.  You are really photogenic!" Awwww, blush blush...."Thanks," I said.  

Jump to the following day during a long stare into an unflattering mirror.  I do my best (and worst) thinking in the bathroom.  And no, you stinky boys, not on the toit-ey....while getting ready.  Neanderthals!  This particular instance of deep thought was definitely leaning toward the "worst" category....cause here is the ridiculous theory that entered my mind:   "I wonder if this person saying I was photogenic means that I'm really not that good looking in real life."  WHAT?!?!  I immediately wanted to unthink it but....too late...there it was.  Poor girl - she didn't even know that when she delivered a heartfelt compliment that it would later be torn apart by my inner insecure fairy.  Hmmm...need a different word.  Fairies seem like they'd be confident all the time, no?  

Anyhoo - there it is folks.  Some stupid shit that only a woman would dare to think.  I mean, there is not a snowball's chance in Arizona that a similar thought has crossed a dude's mind while contemplating a COMPLIMENT....a COMPLIMENT!!!  What is wrong with me/us/women?  

Or is it just me? 

Nope - cause take a gander at exhibit A:  What does photogenic really mean?

and Exhibit B:  You are SO photogenic

Hopefully, those are the least educated discussions on the topic.  I don't even dare quote some of these people.  Just read for yourself and feel utter shame for the human race but know that green really brings out the color in your eyes and you take a really good picture.  :)

Why CAN'T we be friends??

I wish I could go into all of the gory details because it would be an easier way to get to the point but the Internet is too damn available to too damn many people who might get their feelers hurt so I'll just say this:  I am sick and tired of having to play nice with bitchy women.  Bitchy might not be the right word.  Maybe it's jealous, insecure, judgmental, passive aggressive, two-faced....or some combination of all of the above.  

Usually before I write about an issue, I will take a gander at what others have published.  I'm fine restating what's already been said in a different way (it's hard to have an original thought in this day and age) but I tend to want to read supporting and counter arguments ... just to out of curiosity.  When I did that for this post, I came across this "gem" (she says, in a drawl that is dripping with sarcasm):  Top Ten Things that Make a Woman Threatening to Other Women.  Fundamentally, the points made are pretty accurate but the suggestions the author makes to help your situation when you're the "offending" woman are just plain ludicrous.  As if you should shelf your high heels, play dumb, be less beautiful, and not spend your own hard earned money....just to get other women to give you the time of day.  Horse shit. 

I will admit that I have been intimidated by another woman's beauty or intelligence in the past but I have ALWAYS recognized that the fault is mine and unless the person is unkind, I will find away to get over my insecurities.  Otherwise, look at all of the relationships I would lose out on.  And ultimately, we are all different and beautiful in our own way so what does it really matter?  But if I have a moment of insecurity, others have LIFETIMES.  Years of practice scowling at the pretty young girl in the office - "well....we all know how SHE climbed the corporate ladder don't we?!"  Or maybe they point out that the intelligent woman is a snob....."listen to that uppity bitch!" 

After enduring decades of judgment on sight - I.am.tired.  I am perfectly willing to accept that there is such a thing as a first impression but I am also aware that WE ARE ADULTS.  We should know by now that there is more to a person than what is on the surface...that if someone speaks her mind or offers an opinion, she's not attempting to threaten your livelihood or overshadow your own voice....she simply has her own voice.  So sluts, smarties, bitches, and babes - let's all just get over ourselves and be friends.  And if we can't be friends, ya think we could just live and let live instead of sabotaging each others' happiness?  Life would be so so so much sweeter that way.

Hey you! Delicate flower! Yeah, you should really park over there...

I find the singling out of female drivers especially funny in a place where anything goes when you're behind the wheel.  I am not sure whether this is supposed to be a reward for taking our chances on the street or punishment for our perceived driving inabilities.  It's either, "Sorry you had to go through that, please feel free to park here," or "Jesus look out!  Please don't park by the menfolk.  We don't want you girlies denting up the car next to ya." 

I will say that, of the crazy drivers on Manila streets, the women are the LEAST of our problem.  If there's a blinker engaged or a full stop at a stop sign (or hell, stop LIGHT), I will often look over and see a woman behind the wheel.  

At any rate, it's pretty damn funny that they'd go to the trouble of painting a sign.  You can't tell by the picture but this is a whole row reserved for females .... right next to the garage entrance.  

Oooooh - I just had a thought though.  What if they started doing this at clubs or restaurants but instead of just "parking for females" it became "parking for females in high heels"?  OMG - I might actually get to wear those fancy shoes I'm always dreaming about. 

SURVEY TIME AGAIN - This shit just got real. Real ugly, that is.

I am shamelessly reposting this from my facebook to here even though the only people that will probably read it, already have....on facebook. 

Here's the link that inspired this particular rant.  It's not so much the article but some of the schmos that commented.  Even though a lot of them are right, it doesn't diminish my desire to smack them about the face with a soggy banana.

Women in Combat - Huff post article

"I don't usually do this but today, I can't help it. To be honest, I don't know how to feel. My instinct is to lash out in defense of equal rights (much as I lashed out at my husband when he said this was nonsense last night). First, I'm sorry to him for getting so immediately angry. There's something about this argument that is so distasteful - I can't quite put my finger on it. I *think* what I believe is this: there are situations where a woman's presence in a special forces situation could be hugely beneficial and I think said woman should be afforded the same type of training so that she is prepared to face the same dangers. That said, I also think that if a female is to hold the same exact position as Navy Seal or Army Ranger, she MUST be able to adhere to the same physical standards - standards that are currently (for most women) impossible to uphold due to our physical makeup. 

So, I'm conflicted. I get the counterargument to this decision and I agree with a lot of it. BUT and it's a big BUT, I completely disagree with the vitriol behind a lot of the comments people are leaving in response to this decision. War is a disgusting, dangerous and divisive endeavor - and one that women have been a part of in some form or fashion throughout history. For some to claim that we are living in some la-la land where only men are disfigured or killed in battle is ludicrous. Look at how many women have fought and died for our country in the last 10 years. There should be thoughtful consideration when making these decisions and any acceptance of ANYONE into a special forces unit should be something that is dealt with on a case by case basis and if that person does not qualify, they're out.

The debate will rage on and I, no doubt, will be one of the many who waffle. When it comes to allowing women on the front lines however, my vote is 100% yes. Just because we have periods or frequent UTIs doesn't mean we can't protect our country - in fact, I'd argue that all the shit we go through as women makes us stronger in a lot of ways. I'm not so off the reservation that I don't realize that our emotional makeup can also be significantly different than a man's but not every woman is built of the same stuff. There are men who are clearly not cut out for combat either but that doesn't mean we should sideline them as a rule. The special forces issue will continue to be just that...an issue.

All this little girl can do is speak from experience and the only experience I have that is similar is when I applied for several police departments. The only one that even came close to being challenging physically was the Austin Police Dept. I understand that they've changed the testing to "accommodate" female recruits but I can happily inform you that when I tested, I completed the only physical test they offered - and I did so faster than 80% of the other recruits. That was just one test though and I'm sure that I couldn't have faced and overcome every challenge that my male colleagues would have handled with relative ease. But there are things I/We do better...physically and emotionally so I think there's a need for inclusion....I just can't figure out how it would work.

So here I am - taking no real stance. I'd be a horrible president. I'd kinda like people to just stop saying such mean shit about women though - is that too much to ask??"

NOW - What do you ladies and germs think?  Gimme all ya got...I can take it.  Well, I might cry but I will get really angry and throw a barbell at you first.