Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 24, 2020

little girl found

You didn't think I'd leave you hanging did you? 

In this blog, our stories don't end with being irreparably lost.  In this blog, we find the light.  We dig out.  We move forward.  And trust me when I say, I've been there.  I've been where you are.  Whether you're flying high in the clouds and receiving all of life's blessings or down in the pit of despair, I share ALL of those feels with you.  I really really do.  

I've felt the cold ceramic tile of a lonely bathroom floor as my tears puddled underneath my cheek.  I know the challenge of getting off that floor when I'd have rather just sunk into the concrete laid beneath.  I can't tell you that getting up is easy or quick.  Hell, I can't really tell you that the pain will ever end in its entirety but I can tell you that if you don't get off the floor, you'll never know what road that one solitary step will lead you down.  

So here I am, in this strange and wild blogosphere again - just trying to find my voice.  The journey is the reward.  Or that is what I tell myself.  In telling my stories or retelling the stories I hear and have learned from, I hope to continue building up my fortress of peace.  Because we can't do this alone, can we?  And what good is learning and growing if we don't find some way to share that with the world.  My world is smaller now, in a lot of ways.  But I still feel the burn of a voice inside telling me to call out to whoever will listen.  And so I will call out.  I will yell it for anyone who might be ready to hear...and more importantly, to those who aren't there yet.  

Your wounds are not your worth. That's not mine.  I heard it somewhere.  I don't worry about original thought anymore or original content, really.  What matters is the gravity of the message.  So, let me say it again - YOUR WOUNDS ARE NOT YOUR WORTH.  Your battles help create the warrior inside you.  Reach for resilience.  Just try.  And if you are not ready, remember this - today, this morning, and tomorrow when you awake - well, so far, that means you've had a hundred percent success rate at getting to the next day.  And that, friend, is something!

We are not lost - we are on a journey.  It is sometimes not quite clear where we're headed but what is certain is that we can't get there if we just sit still.  

So, that is my message for this website, blog, treatise, whatever.  No journey ever worth taking was paved with a simple sidewalk.  There will be mountains and valleys and sometimes you will go astray.  Sometimes, you will feel like a little girl lost.  But keep breathing...keep waking up every day....keep moving forward, just a little at a time and I promise that little girl lost will someday be found. 

The Little Girl Found, William Blake
All the night in woe
Lyca's parents go
Over valleys deep,
While the deserts weep.

Tired and woe-begone,
Hoarse with making moan,
Arm in arm, seven days
They traced the desert ways.

Seven nights they sleep
Among shadows deep,
And dream they see their child
Starved in desert wild.

Pale through pathless ways
The fancied image strays,
Famished, weeping, weak,
With hollow piteous shriek.

Rising from unrest,
The trembling woman pressed
With feet of weary woe;
She could no further go.

In his arms he bore
Her, armed with sorrow sore;
Till before their way
A couching lion lay.

Turning back was vain:
Soon his heavy mane
Bore them to the ground,
Then he stalked around,

Smelling to his prey;
But their fears allay
When he licks their hands,
And silent by them stands.

They look upon his eyes,
Filled with deep surprise;
And wondering behold
A spirit armed in gold.

On his head a crown,
On his shoulders down
Flowed his golden hair.
Gone was all their care.

'Follow me,' he said;
'Weep not for the maid;
In my palace deep,
Lyca lies asleep.'

Then they followed
Where the vision led,
And saw their sleeping child
Among tigers wild.

To this day they dwell
In a lonely dell,
Nor fear the wolvish howl
Nor the lion's growl.









Sunday, November 3, 2013

Why CAN'T we be friends??

I wish I could go into all of the gory details because it would be an easier way to get to the point but the Internet is too damn available to too damn many people who might get their feelers hurt so I'll just say this:  I am sick and tired of having to play nice with bitchy women.  Bitchy might not be the right word.  Maybe it's jealous, insecure, judgmental, passive aggressive, two-faced....or some combination of all of the above.  

Usually before I write about an issue, I will take a gander at what others have published.  I'm fine restating what's already been said in a different way (it's hard to have an original thought in this day and age) but I tend to want to read supporting and counter arguments ... just to out of curiosity.  When I did that for this post, I came across this "gem" (she says, in a drawl that is dripping with sarcasm):  Top Ten Things that Make a Woman Threatening to Other Women.  Fundamentally, the points made are pretty accurate but the suggestions the author makes to help your situation when you're the "offending" woman are just plain ludicrous.  As if you should shelf your high heels, play dumb, be less beautiful, and not spend your own hard earned money....just to get other women to give you the time of day.  Horse shit. 

I will admit that I have been intimidated by another woman's beauty or intelligence in the past but I have ALWAYS recognized that the fault is mine and unless the person is unkind, I will find away to get over my insecurities.  Otherwise, look at all of the relationships I would lose out on.  And ultimately, we are all different and beautiful in our own way so what does it really matter?  But if I have a moment of insecurity, others have LIFETIMES.  Years of practice scowling at the pretty young girl in the office - "well....we all know how SHE climbed the corporate ladder don't we?!"  Or maybe they point out that the intelligent woman is a snob....."listen to that uppity bitch!" 

After enduring decades of judgment on sight - I.am.tired.  I am perfectly willing to accept that there is such a thing as a first impression but I am also aware that WE ARE ADULTS.  We should know by now that there is more to a person than what is on the surface...that if someone speaks her mind or offers an opinion, she's not attempting to threaten your livelihood or overshadow your own voice....she simply has her own voice.  So sluts, smarties, bitches, and babes - let's all just get over ourselves and be friends.  And if we can't be friends, ya think we could just live and let live instead of sabotaging each others' happiness?  Life would be so so so much sweeter that way.


Thursday, August 8, 2013

I can't wear pointy shoes anymore...and 35 other ways my mid-30s differ greatly from my mid-20s..

1. My flats now officially outnumber my heels.

2. My freckles are combining to form one, large superfreckle.

3. I will never experiment with dark hair colors - gray is only well concealed by blonde.  Sorry my brunette friends.  It's a fact.

4. Vodka is (still) not my friend and more importantly, I am finally realizing she never really was.  Bitch.   

5. I rarely stay up past 11 or sleep in later than 7. 

6. I floss....more than once a day and without anyone telling me to. 

7. I unashamedly buy prunes at the grocery store and actually like the way they taste. 
If you buy this bag, you can trick yourself into thinking you're eating "plums" and not prunes.  Let's not get all attentiony to detailsy ok?  I know they're the same.


8.  My idea of a fun birthday is going to a midget restaurant and going to bed early enough that I can still make the Saturday morning market at 0730. (Seriously, that's what we're doing tonight.  Going to the "Hobbit House" - please try to tell me you're not jealous.  LIAR!)

9. My coffee maker cost more than most people's yearly salary in the Philippines. 

10. I still spend hours at the gym but I have realized life is too short not to have a piece of cake every once in a while. 

11. On the rare occasion I am spotted at "the club", I am usually trying to locate an empty barstool because...#12.

12.  I can't wear pointy shoes anymore....or let's be honest, ANY heels for more than 2 hours.  Screw you heredity and bad decisions!! Screw you!  

13. People are FINALLY doing the math.  She's 35?  Yeah...maybe she's really NOT having kids.  


14.  I think I'm in a different census bracket.  

15. My oldest nephew is in college....and has been for a while now.  This must hurt my sister worse than it does me. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!  

16.  The outside of the card that my husband gave me this morning says, "To the 35 year old woman who lives with me." WTF?!?!  I shudder to think what it says on the inside.  Then again, it's atop a Hermes bag so how bad could it be??

17. OMG 17! I don't even remember you anymore!

18. I no longer tight roll my jeans although I did give into the skinny jeans trend some time ago.  I am ashamed....(yes, I know that tight rolling was not a 2003 kinda thing but a 35-item-long list is tough ok??)

19. My toes are perpetually polished....and almost always by someone else!  BAM!  I found a 35 year old perk. 

20. I cook.  Like....a lot.  Real meals and shit. 

21. I barely remember what it's like to live in Texas but I will never stop being a Texan!


22. I haven't cried at the sound of a Matchbox Twenty song in over 10 years but I still sing along (er...yell) with P!nk.  That bitch speaks the truf!

23. I no longer consider tight jeans and a halfsy top wardrobe staples.  That is HALF true.  

24. I am a responsible and dedicated pet owner.  Consider this an open apology to Harley, Chevy and Rufus - who I loved but didn't really know how to take care of. 

25. There it is - 25.  TEN EFFING YEARS AGO?!?!  What the hell happened? Well, everything, thank god. 

26. In six months, I will have been away from "home" for 10 years. 

27. I looooooooove grocery shopping.  I liked it in my mid-20s but I couldn't afford anything so, as you can imagine, not so fun.  Now I could (happily) spend a whole day at Wegmans or Harris Teeter or Kroger or Target Superstore.  Sigh...I miss 'Murrica. 

28. I am a wife...and a pretty good one most days. 

29. I regularly plan for retirement and can visualize the library I will build in our dream home....on a lake...surrounded by animals...and family...and....you get the idea. 
 
That picture is like porn to me.

30. I don't thoughtlessly destroy furniture on creative whims.  Hello decoupage!

31. I covet...and can actually afford a full set of Le Creuset cookware.  

32. I have transitioned into quality vs. quantity.  At least, in my mind I have.  Hard.to.let.go.

33. I am pretty good at keeping plants alive.  When I first started dating Z, he had me watch his cactus "Clint" when he went out of town.  I left Clint on the patio - in the winter - in Virginia.  Whoops.
 
RIP Clint

34. I realize I still have a lot of growing up to do but I try to be a better person every day because even though I hope I have a lot of livin' to do, you just never know. 

35. I am happy.  For real....really happy.

How has your life changed in the last 10 years?  Hey FB friends and family...feel free to respond on my actual blog.  I can ask you to do this because, dammit, it's my birthday! :)

Sunday, August 4, 2013

What's your TV pick me up?

When I was a Sophomore in high school, I can vividly remember being so broken hearted and confused that I could barely breathe.  Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING could bring me up out of my teenage girl funk. 

Then one Thursday night, I was sitting alone in my room watching TV (thanks mom and dad for spoiling me so much that I had my own phone line AND TV in my room) and Friends came on.  I don't remember what episode it was exactly or whether I had watched it at all before but something they said or did made me laugh...out loud.  I had been crying so hard that my eyes had nearly puffed shut (as they tend to do when I cry; I guess I figure, go hard or go home).  Then suddenly, I was brought out of the depths of despair by a TV show and I was LAUGHING!*** It was at that moment that I realized that the boy that had broken my heart (and would do so several more times in the years that followed) wasn't the last boy I would love and that life would...somehow...go on.   It's all very dramatic, isn't it?  But that's what being a teenage girl is.  Drama.  

If I'm erring on the side of full disclosure here, I would say that I am still prone to fits of inexplicable tears.  Well, they're explicable to me but that is beside the point.  What I'm trying to say is that, from time to time, I give in to the blues.  I wail and sigh and play sad songs and then something happens.  Cassie does something so ridiculous I couldn't possibly keep crying.  Z says "let's play tennis tomorrow" ... how can I stay mad at someone who wants to play tennis with me?  I am HORRIBLE at tennis so he must be a saint.  And then sometimes, my funk is broken by something on television.  Friends has long since gone off air but I own the first season because I think I owe it to those five wacky kids.  That, and it's still funny.  I chuckle EVERY SINGLE TIME I think of the couch moving episode.  "PIVOT!  PIVOT!"


I don't really watch a lot of TV anymore.  Weird time zones and a general lack of time to vegetate are at the root of that I suppose.  But there are a lot of things on TV that instantly make me smile or in lieu of smiling, make me feel like my life ain't all that bad (ahem, can you say Intervention and Hoarders??).   Same goes for movies - I have a RomCom, Audrey Hepburn, 80s movies, and horror movie collection that is unparalleled but in the interest of simplicity, let's just stick to TV.

What are your TV pick me ups??

***some may call this bipolar but I think that may be a bit presumptuous.