Dr. Payne, John Doe, and an Evil Wiener

Greetings from crazy town!!  I am still ass deep in Halloween decorating.  I don't know what it is about this month but it always seems to be obnoxiously busy.  Don't people know that I have a party to plan and can't be bothered with trivial things like work, working out, walking the dog or....eating.  Pissssh!  In the interest of full disclosure, I have had some time this weekend to get a few things done but all of that was stymied last night after I put my Halloween contacts in EEEEYOW!!!  

Needless to say, they look AWESOME but I am completely inept at putting them in so it took me about an hour to get both eyes in.  Apparently, corneas don't take too kindly to being fussed with for that long.  Long story short, I was useless last night after I took them out so I didn't get anything else done. 

See - wicked awesome right??!?!

I woke up with some nasty eye goobers this morning (TMI??) and my left eye still looks like I held my own with Cheech and Chong so I doubt I will be spending much time outside or in public today.  The upside of that is that I'll hopefully be able to spatter significantly more blood around the house today.  But before I do that, here are some of the works in progress with perhaps an appearance or two by Cassie the Frankenwiener!  

That's our little Frankenwiener ... making friends with the cornerstone of our Halloween decorations this year, an animated John Doe rising corpse. 

Admittedly, I am a rookie at all of this Halloween prop building stuff but if you read my last post, you know that this year has called for some more creative decorating (not all of our decorations made it here and Manila is woefully understocked in the Halloween department).  So I have made quite a few things from scratch this time around (John Doe is NOT one of them although I do think he needs a bit more blood, don't you???).   One of the things I am most proud of is Doctor Payne (a quarter for anyone who comes up with a better name...I can't really think of one).  I ordered a couple Styrofoam mannequin heads off Amazon cause ya never really know when you might need a mannequin head right? Right.  I decided that doing a little paper mache-type cover on them would probably be a good idea since, if you've ever worked with Styrofoam (hello!! gravestones!) you know that it doesn't hold paint well at all.  So, I took some tissue paper and went to town.  Here's the before: 

There he is..in all his naked glory.

Several sheets of tissue paper, some mod podge, and a little acrylic paint later, he looked like this:

I realize I'm not Picasso so stop judging me.  It doesn't have to be perfect when you're gonna cover it with doctor's masks and theater blood, ok?

I think the Surgery/Morgue room will be legitimately scary or as close as I'm gonna ever get to having a haunted house.  Strike that.  I get the feeling someday I might actually have a real haunted house.  I'll be the creepy ol' lady in small town USA who loves Halloween more than Christmas and loves to scare the little kiddies.  But anyway, when this room is done, I think it will (at minimum) give people the heebs and make them think twice about using the restroom again.  (I'm forcing people to go through the room to use the potty.  It's either that, or they visit Mike Meyers in the master bedroom.  What to do ... what to do....)  OMG - TANGENT.  Sorry sorry!!  Back to it...



Here's the door: 

And I'd like you to meet my dear friend Dr. Payne:

I know it's a shite picture and something is lost on the whole scene because you can see the books buuuuut, like I said, work in progress so stop bitching!  Picture this with a slab in front of him and John Doe, lying in a bloody heap.  Funny thing is, even without all of that other stuff, this Doctor freaked my shit out several times last night.  My little heart went pitter patter (and not in a good way) every time I passed the room.  I think it's the way he's just sitting there, normal.  Even though I put him there and stuffed him with newspaper myself, it's very offputting to see a grown man just sitting quietly in the corner of your office....with a knife and a creepy glare.  Cassie didn't really take to him like she did John Doe.  Even after we both sat next to him so I could show her he wasn't real, she was shaking like a ..well...scared puppy.  And I gotta be honest, I'm pretty sure I closed the door to the bedroom for more than just my little dogs peace of mind..... 

And what does all of that mean?  THAT ROOM IS GONNA BE SCARY AS SHIT!!!  WOOT!

I had more I wanted to share with you but as usual, I've gone way over what is an acceptable blog word limit (in my mind anyway) so I will save some for later.  Happpppppy OCTOBER EVERYONE!!!

Murder, Mayhem and Creepy Dolls with a Bonus Rant on WHY GOOGLE CHROME SUCKS!

I think I'll start with the rant since it will explain why I am unable to use Picasa Web Albums OR Google Chrome to edit my photos the way I would like.  Actually, I'm so fed up with trying to get the systems to work, I don't even want to get too far in the weeds.  Suffice it to say, Picasa works only to view my photos now (unless you count "enhancing" as an advanced photo editing tool and I definitely do not). When I tried to edit the photos I wanted to publish on this post, it said that I needed to download Google Chrome (argh).  I say argh but I did it...and still...no dice.  Shortly after, I read a MILLION complaints about how the whole Google Chrome "thing" destroyed a lot of people's ability to edit their photos.  Needless to say, there are a whole bunch of people out there who use Picasa and Google+ far more than I ever did who are PISSED.  All I wanted was validation that I wasn't crazy ... that the shit just did not work anymore.  And it doesn't.  If you know of anyone who knows differently, please do tell.  If you are a Google Plus or Chrome Rep, first poo poo on you.  Second, if you can fix this, I take it all back...just please, for the love of all things photo edit, help us!  

On to what will most likely be a disappointing post.....

So, I am knee deep in Halloween Party prep and I really think our decorations would make even Rob Zombie proud!

See how this photo is super cool?  That's because 1.  it's not mine and 2. Google Chrome/Picasa were NOT used to edit said picture. 

I fully intend to do some tutorials on how to make some of this stuff because (and I don't mean to brag) some of it turned out AWESOME!  But, right now, I just don't have any time at all.  I can't even really figure out how I'm gonna pull this off at the moment....but I will....I will.  

One thing that sucks about being in Manila during my FAVORITE time of year is the town's (and probably country's) total lack of Halloween gear.  There are a few things at the local department store, mind you, but there is no Spirit Halloween or Party City equivalent and that totally sucks!  (I am gonna need a pass to use the word "sucks" as many times as I want during this post, k?)

Point is, even though I shipped a lot of the Halloween decorations we had, I didn't ship everything and even if I had...well...it's just never enough.  (Having said that, NO IDEA how the giant furry spider and two headed zombie baby didn't make the cut.  WTF Lindsey?!?!)  So, I have taken to "makin' stuff" - as Grandma Squidbilly might say. No suitable trophies for best costumes?  I got this!  No tombstones?  No problem!  No invitations?  Hallmark ain't got nothin' on me!  If it sounds like I'm being too boastful well, suck it!  I'm exhausted!  I have been breathing spray paint and various types of glue products for 2 weeks and it's not even October yet.  I think I'm allowed a little gloating. 

I was thinking, in addition to my house looking like a bodyfarm, they might send out the men in white coats if they were to look at my browsing history.  [That is my way of admitting that I am not this creative all by my lonesome.  There are LOADS of people who are as demented as I am and it has been a blast reading/watching all of their how-tos.]  But who has time to worry about mental health professionals at a time like this?  

Anyhoo - here's a sneak peak at some of the stuff I've been working on.  I don't guess there will be any spoilers unless, that is, you plan on flying 18 hours to attend this soiree.  In which case, book that flight and we'll make you up a coffin....er...bed. 

I'd show you the inside of the invite but, well, you're probably not invited....and I don't need a bunch of blog stalkers showing up at our front door.  Skelly on the right is a copy of the original drawing I did, left is the actual invitation and the envelope is just a simple manila envelope that I added a little creepy stencil to.  The theme is a Halloween/Dia de los muertos combo costume party - thus the sugar skull. :)

The beginnings of a fruit loop/raisin bran coffin/trophy

outside of best couple trophy - haven't added the final layer of "aging" or shellac but you get the idea

And the inside.  (Damn you Picasa and Chrome....damn you!!)  

What's in the box??!?!  Doll babies....that have no idea what they're in for. 

This is only the first step in making a creepy doll.  LOTS more to go but the damn spray paint is taking FOREVER to dry.  More to come...

I decided to buy and paint some masks both for decoration and so we'd have some extra costumes for anyone that dares to show up costume-less.  This is the bare mask.  Still a little creepy no? 

I found some guy's website that showed how to make a version of this mask.  He called him "skin face" but I think "vein face" is more appropriate.  Anyway, I think he needs more gore and some darker paint, don't you? 

I really like this sugar skull.  Simple to make but I think they're so striking.   I have made a few other little trinkets to go on a dia de los muertos altar - hopefully it will all turnout!

And this?  Well...I think you'll just have to wait. 

Nothing says thank goodness we have insurance ....

....like six Filipinos moving a flat screen.  

Yes yes ...I know there are only five here.

But that was before I said, "Do you mind if I take your picture?"  Sometimes, I really love this country :)

I have to give Mr. Simple Pleasures credit though - he didn't really even flinch through the whole process.   I feel sure he would have lurked over them if they were using the mounting system but thankfully, we decided on the ol' TV stand.  

Having Nieva around does not suck.  She even tolerates Cassie's box...um..."problem" really well.  I swear I don't know why we even buy toys.  All she ever wants to do is eat cereal and beer boxes. 

I love this picture for so many reasons.  First, Cassie's butt can barely be seen under the stool, still exhibiting OCD tendencies where cardboard boxes are concerned.  Then there's my husband who, when I said "pose", made THAT face.  And finally, you can see our movers are still figuring out how not to drop our flat screen. Anything could have happened but nothing really did.  Cassie didn't eat the frooooot loops, Zach didn't have a heart attack and the movers didn't drop our third child (the dog and the coffee machine being child one and two, respectively...depending on the day and caffeine requirements).  Sometimes I wonder if I make sense to anyone but myself.  Then again, who gives a crap.  If no one reads this, I can go back to doodling flowers and puppy dogs.  Whheeeeeeeeeee.  Er....perhaps just a wee too much rain for me the last few days.  CABIN FEVER is dangerous.  Why don't they do public service announcements?!?!

Moving day was a long time ago.  What can I say, I am woefully behind on the blogging I guess.  One of my dear friends (who might not remain dear for much longer) called me a "trophy wife" the other day.  Bastard.  But I have taken up oil pastels, curtain sewing, dog training, cooking, and collaging (is that even a word) so I guess, I can't really argue and in some ways, maybe I should take it as a compliment?  I'd rather be a trophy wife than simply a kept woman and don't you DARE try to tell me they're the same.  Oh....btw...I WILL have a job again one day soon dammit.  But until then, I am blogging and painting and teaching my damn dog to sit.  Oh...and watching the flat screen while doing my nails.  Padow!