Stuff I've Learned

Lest you think I have resting on my laurels for the last six months, I thought I'd provide a list of things I've learned since my last blog post to prove that this time off was not for....naught.  So, without further ado, stuff I've learned since disappearing from the blogger world (most of which, has absolutely nothing to do with blogging): 

1. Never over trust a fart. 

     a. Sub rule: You should work really hard to only fart once in yoga class. 

 --If the sub rule seems unnecessary, you have clearly not been in a recent yoga class at the studio I have been going to.  I am a firm believer that ...er...mistakes happen and once in a while, especially in those standing separate leg stretches, you just feel relaxed.  It's inevitable that things will slip out.  What I don't understand is the multi-farter.  Were it me, I'd tamp that shit down after the first whoof.  If they are loud, multiple and Buddha forbid, stinky -- I think perhaps it's time to call it quits.

2. A motorized bicycle is a perfectly suitable method to transport balloons.  It does not in any way impede the traffic flow or cause hazards to you or other drivers.  Nope - does not....will not. 


 3. If you own a bus in Manila, you are required to pee on the front tire.  In the middle of the day.  In traffic. 

     a. Sub rule:  You may also be required to urinate in the car wash stall of a private condo garage because, duh, the actuall WC you could use is at least three floors away and the chances of you making it there before you piddle yourself....well...by all means, don't risk it.  Pee three feet away from my parking spot.  Why not?!
     --I will never understand the lack of pee pee control here.  I can't help but think of the countless times my parents uttered the words, "You should have gone before we left."  Does that never occur to these folks?  I mean, I get it...traffic here can be horrendous and you drive for a living but surely SURELY there's some way to plan effectively enough where you are not forced to pee in full view of motorists at the corner of Makati Ave and Ayala. 

4. There is absolutely no way to explain to someone who doesn't live in Manila why it is so frustrating.  

     --We have tried to narrow the explanation down in to one or two little pithy phrases, "It's the land of not quite right," or "It's the little city that could...but didn't".  I have learned that we are in a privileged and exclusive club.  You're probably not in the club and that's ok -- keep trying...you never know.  There is nothing quite so fulfilling as complaining about Manila with someone else who lives in Manila. To become a member of this club, several things must occur in your life.  You must spend 3+ consecutive days in traffic for no less than two hours each way.  You must have gotten in at least two wrecks where the vehicles involved were not going over 3 miles per hour.  The thought must have occurred to you that, with half a tank of gas and 3 miles to travel, you probably should have gotten gas.  Why?  (see traffic requirement above)  And that's just life in your car.  There are approximately 725 additional pre-requisites for membership.  We are really really selective. 
  
5.  If you aren't an anti-social person, you might become one in Manila.  

     --I gotta say, if you don't live in my building, it's gonna be real real hard for us to be friends because it'll be a trash free day in Burgos before I leave the comfort of my apartment to get back out on the streets just to have drinks with a friend or see a movie.  If you have been lucky enough to score my time outside of the general Salcedo area, you...my dear....have broken through.  Congratulations!  And if you're the one who has left your neighborhood to come visit me, well...I am truly honored. 

6.  One working elevator in a building with 36 floors and 4 condos on each floor is probably not going to go well.  

     --Don't even get me started on what would happen if there were a true emergency on the 32nd floor.

7.  Paris fixes everything. 

     --Frustrated by the complete lack of selection and general frustration brought on by shopping in Manila?  Just apply one super sweet husband and the city of lights and, magically, you're cured.  Christmas in Paris 2014 -- best.idea.ever. 
 





8.  The beach (and other Philippines getaways) acts as the same sort of mental health medicine. 

     --It is true what they say, you will like the Philippines much more if you don't allow Manila to be your only window to its soul.  We are making dedicated efforts to get out of town these days.  Failing that, I also enjoy staycations in my apartment -- putzing around in my art room, playing with Cassie, going to Yoga etc.  The point is, wherever you are, you must pretend as if you're NOT in Manila.  And...go...

9.  Yoga is my new best friend.  Shout out to Yoga+ Makati!!  

     --They are not preachy or bitchy or snobby.  Their classes range from relaxing to really challenging and they are less than a block from my front door.  Sold!  'Me time' is almost never better spent than at this Yoga studio.  
Yoga+ Philippines

10.  Salcedo Saturday Market is STILL the best thing about living here. 

     --Returning from Paris meant I was back in the mood to cook which could have also meant that I was mere seconds away from a deep depression.  The grocery shopping has gotten better here but you still can't find everything you need.  This weekend though, I was able to find fresh sage, rosemary, ground cloves, and....the creme de la creme???  Fresh Fennel!  Last night I made Italian Wedding Soup.  Tonight, sweet potato and cauliflower fritters.  Thank you Salcedo Saturday Market...thank you!

Recipe from Better Homes and Gardens; Photo credit from BHG.com

 
11. BONUS:  Life is an adventure and no matter what happens, you just gotta keep living it.  Be grateful for what you have.  Rant about the things that bother you to the people who will forgive your ranting.  Find joy in the little things.  Adapt.  Overcome.  Thank the stardust super being, yourself, or whatever you believe in that you are still on this side of the top soil.  It's all one big circus and I don't know about you but I'm happy to be one of its acrobats/clowns/ring leaders/monkeys.  :) 

Leave me alone!

....or, why every store in the Philippines is like walking into a Havertys.

First of all, I feel like I should apologize.  I made a commitment to publish one blog every month and I have obviously failed.  And to add insult to injury, I don't even have anything nice to say.  

Here's what I do have to say, "Why can't they just leave me alone??!!?"

You know that sinking feeling you get when you know you need to go shopping for a new couch or La-Z-Boy but you would rather get a shoddy root canal than enter a furniture store?  Well, multiply that by a BAJILLION, and you'll have some idea what it's like shopping in the Philippines.  

I'm sorry.  Ok, you know what?  I'm NOT sorry.  I recently made up my mind to minimize the qualifying statements I make and just stick to my guns.  So, here goes.  I am NOT sorry and this sh*t is ridiculous.  

Perhaps a more specific comparison is in order?  Imagine, if you will, walking into your favorite Target on a sleepy Saturday morning.  No one has really gotten out and about yet so it's pretty much just you and the people in line at the Starbucks in the front of the store.  You have no particular agenda though you do want to remember to get hairspray and deodorant.   Or wait...let's go with slightly more embarrassing....tampons and dandruff shampoo.  You grab a cart not a basket because you just want to stroll.  You don't need the weight of a basket on your arm...keeping you from browsing with reckless and relaxing abandon. With your gingerbread latte in hand and the world of Target in front of you, off you go!

Yes. More than anything in the whole wide world.

{Scene setter for below:  Please don't delude yourself...this did not happen at an open air market or a low-end mall/store.  I'd expect this type of behavior at a market or bizarre.  Easiest way to imagine the following is to pretend it happened in a hybrid Nordstrom/Target.  And go......}

Suddenly, your dream turns into a nightmare.  Before you've even picked up your (sad joke of a) basket, a security "guard" tells you to put your newly purchased hot coffee in the trash -- "No drinks" he says.  Apparently, this does not apply to the rich local lady with her brood of children and helpers and any number of assorted sippy cups and McDonalds fountain drinks.  You glare at him but throw your coffee away anyway.  Two steps in, you're accosted by salesmen with perfume.  Five of them.  Immediately in your face.  In your workout clothes with sweat still drying, perhaps you look like a solid mark...this lady NEEDS perfume.  On the other hand, YOU ARE IN YOUR WORKOUT CLOTHES!  WHO THE HELL NEEDS PERFUME IN THEIR WORKOUT CLOTHES?!?!? This is where you begin to rely heavily on the cover of your iPod.  It's not even that loud but you pretend you can't hear anyone.  Wish it worked the same with eye contact. 

Onward you go...you are determined.  Perfume boys be damned!  Two feet later at a small display, you are greeted by someone who clearly cannot see the lines of personal space surrounding you and though she's practically IN your ear, she ignores the iPod and says hello anyway.  Oddly, there's no offer to help.  She just stands there....waiting.  "I'm good,"  you say, "I don't need any help right now."  She smiles but doesn't leave.  So you do.  

But you are not leaving this store yet. You are so tired of being forced to buy things online.  You will succeed in this mission.....for hairspray...and nail polish remover.  Whatever the cost, you WILL succeed.  

The real shit thing here is, they have some good products at this place.  You want to browse and somewhere deep inside, you need to browse.  So you try.  You wander over to the haircare area, excited to see the beach hair spray that you've been buying on line all this time.  Who knew?!  But then, she's back.  And you don't know if it's a new she or an old she though, given the one to one shelf/salesperson ratio, you suspect it's a new she.  She's behind you.  You feel her there.  You initially try to ignore her...hoping she'll go away...for her own good.  The frustration is starting to bubble now and you're honestly afraid of what you might say to this poor unsuspecting saleslady.  But why the hell does she follow you??!  "Hi," you say, "I don't need any help. You can go back to what you were doing." She smiles but doesn't leave.  You keep walking.  She stays right behind you.  "Stop following me," you mutter under your breath but definitely at a volume she can hear.  She takes one step back, stops following you but doesn't actually leave.  Now she is pretending not to watch you but you can feel her eyes on you.  At this point, you think you might be going a little crazy. 

What started as a stroll with no agenda is morphing into something you can't escape fast enough.  Dreams of casual shopping are dashed and you begin to hasten through what would have been...should have been....a relaxing experience.  You rush to nail polish aisle, doing your best to stave off more aggressively friendly and ever-present salespeople.  You pick out two colors that, let's face it, will look hideous on you.  Then it happens, you see your very favorite brand of makeup and it seems as if, for the moment at least, NO ONE is around.  You shuffle over, keeping your head low and your podcast level high.  You have time to touch one.damn.eyebrow.pencil and she's on you.  "Hi ma'am!"...smiles, awkward smiles.  "Hi," deep sigh, "I don't need anything.  I'd let you know if I did.  You can go." SHE MOTHERGRUBBING STAYS!  You practically yell, "Fine! I'd have bought something if you would have left me alone!" You don't stay to watch her smile wither into well...a less awkward smile.  They never stop smiling; it's off putting. 

You just remembered you still need tampons and  shampoo but you can't imagine the hovering that would ensue so you bury that dream deep....real deep.  As you sprint to the cash register, just wanting it all to be over, you can't help but glance over to several missed aisles.  You are tempted to keep looking around and then you see them, lurking behind the aisle of your favorite B.B. Cream and you think to yourself, "I am gonna buy the shit out of Amazon when I get home."

The end.

P.S. As a result of above, I am determined to come up with some funny ways to handle salespeople here.  I don't want to be mean.  It sucks to be mean and I'm really no good at it but sometimes I do get frustrated..especially when I try to be nice at first but people don't listen.  They are not going to change.  For whatever reason, this is the way they do business so I have to figure out new ways to handle it.  I can't just let them follow me though...it's too much to bear.  Any ideas?!  

Found this little illustration at funnyjunk.com -- what do you think? 

And so it begins....fa la la la la la la la la

I'd like to share something with you that you might not already know about the Philippines.  It's something that happens every year and it starts in September.  You know how most of us complain that the Christmas decorations go up and the Christmas carols are blasted earlier and earlier every year in the States?  Well, stop complaining!  You ain't got nothin' on the Philippines!

It's the start of the "ber" months here in the Philippines which means (shudder/gasp/eyeroll) they are ALREADY starting to celebrate Christmas.  Not the "holidays" folks...Christmas!  You know, that holiday that we're still three months away from?  Yep...THAT one.  Obviously, the "ber" months are September, October, November, December but they don't stop there.  Nope - the Philippines observes the longest Christmas season in the world...THE WORLD!!!  I know we complain when we see our neighbor's lights up until February but in the Phils, they are literally STILL celebrating until the third Sunday in January which coincides with the Feast of the Santo Nino de Cebu. 

Now, before you go thinking I'm a Grinch, just hold it right there!  I love Christmas as much the next person.  I just don't think it needs to start before Halloween!  

They say that the Filipinos focus on more on the faith side of celebrations but I am gonna have to call their bluff a little bit on that one, having seen pictures of Christmas lights shaped like an elephant and parades that look more like Mardi Gras than Christmas. 

What does it mean?!?!?!?!?

I have spotted Christmas trees in the mall and they're already playing Christmas songs on the radio but I haven't noticed any lights yet.  That could just be because I'm not walking in the right places.  If there's one positive I draw from all this early celebration, it's that a little light in downtown Manila couldn't hurt anything.  There are plenty of streetlights and the constant glow from 24 hour businesses but Manila isn't what I'd call "pretty".  So, even though I'm loathe to admit it, I think Christmas lights could only improve this town's face value.  I will update this post when I've had the chance to take some of my own photos.  

Anyway - let me be the first to wish you .....

photo attribution

Sala Restaurant - European Fine Dining in Makati

Hubs and I were looking for a nice place to celebrate our anniversary in Manila and after reading several reviews, I chose Sala Restaurant -- billed as fine dining a la Europe.  To be honest, after a couple of weeks eating at restaurants where the phrase "too much salt" clearly isn't part of the vernacular, we were just looking for something....normal.  We got that (and more) at Sala.  I wouldn't say I was bowled over by the meals themselves but the dessert - best I've had in a looooong time.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  Let's go back to first impressions. 

Sala is small.  Super small.  Quaint might be a good word.  It's literally a "room" which makes sense given I think that's what "Sala" translates to - at least partially.  There's nothing offputting about the size, don't get me wrong.  We were just surprised.  The restaurant is located off of a VERY busy and cacophonous road but once you're inside, there's not a hint of the hustle and bustle of the world outside.  As many people have said before, Sala would be a great place for a business dinner or (as in our case) a romantic dinner.  

The staff were friendly but not oppressive, as can often be the case in Manila.  Sometimes too much is just too much ya know?  The drinks came quickly and were strong which is always a good thing when you know you're going to pay a little bit more.  

I was trying to be a good little blogger by writing down the descriptions of all of the food but, sadly, I left my little notebook behind and never went back to pick it up.  Long story short, the following is either from memory or from their online menu (which isn't that accurate because their menu is changing all the time).  Anyhoo...here's the little complimentary appetizer the brought us which I'm sure I'll do NO JUSTICE by describing it as a sweet tomato and goat cheese toast thingamajig: 

Our appetizers were fantastic although, again, I forget the lovely descriptions the restaurant used.  Mine was a creamy scallop soup and Z had a meat and cheese plate (I am sorry Sala - truly sorry.  I never said I was a professionally foodie ok?  Stop judging! Ok .... I'm better now.)

I had truffled white risotto with Jerusalem artichokes, sweet shrimp, and blue swimmer crab topped with a crisp tiger prawn.  It did not suck.   Though a fairly small dish, the risotto made it hearty and I finished and was neither stuffed nor hungry - perfectly prepared for dessert :).

Hubs ordered roast sea bass fillet with sweet shrimp, fennel, tomato, saffron and spinach orzo.  He thought it was great but I found it a bit fishy for my taste.  Then again, I'm one of those people who likes her fish to taste either like cocktail sauce or wasabi so maybe I'm not the best judge. 

And now for my favorite part and I'll go ahead and say I'm a bit biased here because I LOVE rhubarb.  I don't know many people who have even had rhubarb outside of my family but my mom used to make this wonderful rhubarb cake.  I'd ask for it all the time but rhubarb can be hard to find in the states.  I've NEVER seen it on a dessert menu but Sala had a dessert called "All About Rhubard" and all I can say is ....I think it changed my life.  It was SO SO SO good.  I'm not a huge dessert person both for health and just a general preference for salt vs. sweet but this was spectacular.  It was a rhubarb flavored crème brûlée, rhubarb sorbet and a warm pecan rhubarb crumble - that last one was like a mini-cobbler and it was so good, I almost wept. 

And here we are .... on our way to fat and happy

Makati Shangri La(AHHHHHH)

The Shangri La in Makati is a 5 Star luxury hotel in the heart of Makati (Manila's financial district).  It is also where we have a health club membership.  If we're feeling fed up with the traffic and need a release?  We go to the Shang.  Exhausted and could use some down time?  Da Shang.  Internet connection letting us down at our own hotel??  Shang to the rescue!  I don't think, after walking in the first time, I could have ever opted for an alternative.  It even smells lovely.  

It has everything you'd expect of a hotel of its caliber.  Beautiful pool, elegant high tea, and two of the best restaurants in town.  I love going there on the weekends and spending an entire morning/early afternoon.  Start in the gym, work hard, spend some time in the steam room (equipped with hot/cold whirlpools and wet/dry saunas), change into the swimsuit and relax by the pool with a beer and some good food. Tough life. 

I haven't tried them yet but Z swears the trainers are the best stretchy outers ever.  Apparently they'll bend you right to the point where you can't take it anymore and leave ya feeling like gumby.  

Anyway, here are some recent highlights of time spent at the Shangri La:

 

Coolest part about tea at the Shang?  There's an hourglass to time how long to let your tea steep.  When the sand runs out, time to enjoy.  Classy shit right?  I totally fit in.

No high tea would be complete without a string (and flute) band in lovely dresses...

....who kept playing on their way to break.

Some of the best poolside food I've ever had was served at the Shang.  That's a chicken sandwich on ciabatta bread (with a San Mig light in a glass of course).

This day did not suck.

Makati - Seen Around Town

Just another day in the life of a Texas transplant and her country boy.  We could also call this post, "crap we're not used to seein' and can't stop starin' at".

• Keeping an eye on street vendor wares has become a bit of an obsession for me, I'll admit.  What's even more interesting?  The crap people are buying!  For instance, who is the bigger fish in the following pond?  The guy on the left who spends all day walking in traffic selling flags and cigarettes or the guy on the right who has no reason to be in the middle of the street, is leaning on a running bus, and just bought ONE cigarette from the vendor?  Seems like the cards are stacked in favor of the guy selling feather dusters and ciggies, no?

 

• Traffic here also remains a source of great humor and fascination.  It seems, no matter how bumper to bumper the cars are, someone ALWAYS thinks they can fit through....sideways.

• They meant well I'm sure and, as always, their English is far better than my Tagalog but I couldn't help but picture a sweaty pig with lipstick and a frowny face when I saw this on the menu.  Then again, maybe I'm just reliving the Parada ng Lechon festivities.

 

•  YES!!!!  Dad would be over the moon excited about this development!  Found this little gem at a legit Starbucks in one of the nicest parts of town.  I'm sure it will come up again and again but these folks are CUHRAZY about their canned uber processed meat products. 

• Nothing says high class like rooms that are available by the hour. 

•  A bit of an oxymoron if you ask me.  Also, is it just me or does this "gaming cafe" look like no fun at all?  It's a far cry from skee ball and Ms. PacMan but who am I to judge?

• Perhaps a "you had to be there moment" but this was GRIDLOCK traffic and the guy was toolin' around barefoot.  Amazing. 

• Hey...whatever works.  It might not be Tom Cruise with his shirt off in Top Gun but they're having fun on a Sunday afternoon so I'm not judging.

• Um, yeah, that's an animal foot in a can at the S&R (the Philippines answer to CostCo).  To their credit, S&R had MANY MANY things we were ecstatic about.  Great snack selection, wine, beer, cereal, etc.  Even though it might be a tad off-putting for those of us not used to seeing it, I'm kinda glad they stay loyal to their traditional food preferences.  It'd be no fun at all if every place was just America repackaged. Don't get me wrong, I will NEVER eat some of this stuff but that doesn't mean I can't respect their filling the shelves with products they love.

 

• And I'll leave you with this.  In a country where almost no one owns a coat, there are people selling...wait for it......wait for it....coat racks.  

It was a Dark and Stormy Night

I wonder when I'll run out of rain-themed post ideas?  Hopefully not for a while since I think we're in for some pretty significant thunderboomers (there!  another name for a thunderstorm!).

So, if you're keeping up my dear four readers, last night I was considering NOT going to "The Blind Pig" with the hubs to meet some friends because it was POURING outside.  Thankfully, the rain abated, I threw on some clothes and we headed over to the general area where we thought this little Speakeasy was located.  Now, there have already been some super clever blogs about this place that I couldn't (and wouldn't) attempt to duplicate.  If you're interested, you can read more about The Blind Pig here:

Mr. Delicous: The Blind Pig, Makati's Best Poorly Kept Secret

Enroute: Through the Dark and Into Blind Pig Speakeasy Makati

Maraisms: A Night at Blind Pig Speakeasy Salcedo

At least I can say that I am not the only one who has broken one of the cardinal speakeasy rules by letting the world in on this little "secret".  It's been done before and heck, is probably being done right now by someone else since one of our companions is a fellow blogger and our husbands caught us taking the same (flashless) photos of the menu and rules.  Lame?  Maybe.  But at least we're not alone in our lameness.

I don't want to turn this into a review but I loved this place.  The drinks, while expensive, were worth every penny and I'm not exaggerating in the slightest when I say husbear's gin and tonics were the best gin and tonics I've EVER tasted.  There is a menu you can order from and I think between the 10 or so of us, we managed to try one of everything but, like other bloggers have mentioned, you can also just tell the bartender what you're feeling and he'll throw together something that will knock your socks off.  For my first drink, I decided to let him do just that.  I wanted strawberries, mint, and vodka -- "not too sweet" I said.  Well, alas, they were out of strawberries but offered me a choice of blueberry or raspberry.  I chose blueberry.  What arrived was nothing short of perfect.  She called it a Blueberry Caipirorka and it like a mojito but less sugary sweet and more....well blueberrily bliss like.  As great as my drink was, the Gin and Tonic Zach had with a kielbasa-sized chunk of ice was like drinking spring in a glass. Yum!

For my second drink, I ordered off the menu.  I thought, given the night we'd had so far, it was more than appropriate to order the Dark and Stormy (dark rum, fresh ginger syrup, and fresh lime juice).  It was great but would have been better with some food probably.  I don't know what it was exactly but I kept wishing the popcorn we'd ordered hadn't already been demolished.  The ginger gave it a nice little kick and left my lips burning just a tad but it was missing some sort of munchie.  Maybe I was just getting the midnight snackies??  Who knows.

The Dark and Stormy

The only drawback to our evening?  With our group, they should have renamed the joint a "Speakloudly".  I love socializing as much as the next person but I think some of the vibe of the place was lost on us.  It seems a more appropriate venue for a couple on their third date or perhaps a party of four.   Our 10ish colleagues and friends gathered for a farewell party were a bit overpowering in the somewhat diminutive establishment.  I wouldn't trade the group OR the conversation;  I'm simply saying I'll be back Pig....and I will make it my mission to get my prohibition vibe on.

Dammit! I totally forgot that I was going to make this posting about The Blind Pig different by telling you why the hell they call it that in the first place.  A quick search will get you that answer but since I think it's super cool and reminds me of dry county rules in today's day and age, I thought I'd just tell ya instead of making you look it up.

So a Speakeasy was also referred to as a "Blind Pig" or "Blind Tiger" back in the prohibition era.  Much like happy hour specials on food that you see in dry counties*, in Speakeasies a customer would pay a fee to see an attraction (like a blind pig or blind tiger) and would then be served a complimentary alcoholic beverage thereby circumventing the law.

[*In some dry counties, happy hours are restricted to food products only.  Meaning, the establishment can discount food stuffs as a way to draw customers in but NOT alcohol.  It's a wacktastic law in bassackwards bible belt towns.  Too many southern euphemisms there?  Too bad.  :)]

Anyway, I think it's an all around super cool idea and in case you're wondering, it did take us a hot minute to find the joint but when we did, it didn't disappoint.

It's dark because I was trying to obey the rules - no flash photography!

The only marking that helps you identify the "pig".  Um... super secret awesomness much?!?!