Thursday, August 29, 2013

Skinny Bitches and Little People

That's my birthday, in a nutshell.  Ok ok - so I'm just a wee (pun intended) behind in posting this but since it's technically still my birthday month, I'm allowed a certain amount of tardiness.  It's written in the law of August birthdays.  Look it up if you don't believe me.  

There are a lot of things I could have done to mark the occasion of my birthday.  I could have gone out to a nice dinner or treated myself to some cheesecake....you name it.  But when it came time to decide what would make the day really memorable, I chose The Hobbit House and I think when you see the photos, you'll understand why there really was no other option. 

This is on our way out and I'm sure that's obvious for a number of reasons, not the least of which includes the fact that I'm sitting on the ground in one of the more seedy parts of town.  When I say "seedy", you should really start to have visions of people peeing on sidewalks and women "singing" at karaoke bars.  And when I say "singing", I mean selling their souls and bodies.  But anyhoo....I was having fun so who cares!

As you can see, The Hobbit House is staffed (predominantly) by little people.  It is as hokey and as kitschy as you can get with references to Tolkien, T-shirts with any number of little person catch phrases ("small is beautiful", "i love hobbits" ...you get the idea), and a bathroom stall door so short I could easily see people coming and going from inside.  But it's one of those things that has made so many international top 10 lists that you just have to do it....once.  And once only.  I actually think that I owe the friends that went with us BIG TIME...because this was their second trip.  I honestly can't imagine going back; I guess it would have to be someone's birthday.  :)
 
That's our waitress Monette along with Z and our bottles of "complimentary" booze.  Complimentary in quotes because we had to drink several beers to acquire them.  I shudder to think what they might actually taste like and would have preferred the original offer of a free t-shirt with the purchase of several beers but....when in Rome. Monette was fabulous.  If you ever find yourself at The Hobbit House, ask for her.  She'll treat you right.  She might overcharge you - but she'll treat you right.  (Our bill was ENORMOUS by Manila standards and we still can't figure out if the math was done incorrectly or we just drank THAT much.  Perhaps a little of both.)  I think Monette would have been in love with the guys in our party regardless of the amount we spent.  She was nice to me but I could have been the Queen of England and she wouldn't have known - the girl was smitten.

She was nice enough to stop and take a picture with me though :)
Monette also indulged my "skinny bitch" requests (Thank you Katie!).  Long story short, a skinny bitch is a drink that my sister in law turned my on to and once I explained what it was to Monette, every time she delivered my drink, she would smile and say, "And a skinny bitch for the lady!"  Something about those words coming from that little lady in The Hobbit House in Manila - well....I think my life is a little more complete.

One thing I am enormously thankful for?  We did NOT NOT NOT eat at The Hobbit House.  Other than the peanuts that were on the table, none of us had anything that you could, well, chew.  On the one hand, it might have been smart to eat something given all of the adult beverages we were ingesting.  On the other hand, huh-uh no way!  The Hobbit House is one of those places you NEVER want to see in the harsh light of day and, as a rule, if you don't want to see a place in the daytime, you most certainly do not want to eat there. 

Then again, maybe if I'd ordered chips and salsa or something, the final picture of the night would not have turned out like this: 


Oh, one more thing.  The Hobbit House does boast some of the best live music around.  If you do a little research, you'll find many tripadvisor and yahoo reviewers say the same.  There were a couple different bands the night we were there and Z actually convinced one lady to play Johnny Cash....twice.  Again, it's one of those things that you don't entirely appreciate while it's happening but think about it.  We're sitting in a land far far away, drinking beer at The Hobbit House, and listening to Johnny Cash songs - live.  Just sayin....
Ring of Fire bitches....Ring of Fire (and yes, that's a scrunchy)

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

you sat on the ground. did you burn your pants afterwards?????

O.O

xo,melissa

Jane Droll said...

HA!!! i would probably visit this place ONCE. just for the experience and for bragging rights!

last summer the boyfriend and i were heading home from Newport Beach when we saw a sign that said: BIKINI BAR. MIDGETS HERE TODAY 4PM. i swerved the car across the road so that we could go! we could not stop laughing. until we got inside. it was ONE WEIRD SCENE, and we didn't stay long!

Lindsey said...

Ha - it's all fun and games until there's a little person in a bikini.....