Murder, Mayhem and Creepy Dolls with a Bonus Rant on WHY GOOGLE CHROME SUCKS!

I think I'll start with the rant since it will explain why I am unable to use Picasa Web Albums OR Google Chrome to edit my photos the way I would like.  Actually, I'm so fed up with trying to get the systems to work, I don't even want to get too far in the weeds.  Suffice it to say, Picasa works only to view my photos now (unless you count "enhancing" as an advanced photo editing tool and I definitely do not). When I tried to edit the photos I wanted to publish on this post, it said that I needed to download Google Chrome (argh).  I say argh but I did it...and still...no dice.  Shortly after, I read a MILLION complaints about how the whole Google Chrome "thing" destroyed a lot of people's ability to edit their photos.  Needless to say, there are a whole bunch of people out there who use Picasa and Google+ far more than I ever did who are PISSED.  All I wanted was validation that I wasn't crazy ... that the shit just did not work anymore.  And it doesn't.  If you know of anyone who knows differently, please do tell.  If you are a Google Plus or Chrome Rep, first poo poo on you.  Second, if you can fix this, I take it all back...just please, for the love of all things photo edit, help us!  

On to what will most likely be a disappointing post.....

So, I am knee deep in Halloween Party prep and I really think our decorations would make even Rob Zombie proud!

See how this photo is super cool?  That's because 1.  it's not mine and 2. Google Chrome/Picasa were NOT used to edit said picture. 

I fully intend to do some tutorials on how to make some of this stuff because (and I don't mean to brag) some of it turned out AWESOME!  But, right now, I just don't have any time at all.  I can't even really figure out how I'm gonna pull this off at the moment....but I will....I will.  

One thing that sucks about being in Manila during my FAVORITE time of year is the town's (and probably country's) total lack of Halloween gear.  There are a few things at the local department store, mind you, but there is no Spirit Halloween or Party City equivalent and that totally sucks!  (I am gonna need a pass to use the word "sucks" as many times as I want during this post, k?)

Point is, even though I shipped a lot of the Halloween decorations we had, I didn't ship everything and even if I had...well...it's just never enough.  (Having said that, NO IDEA how the giant furry spider and two headed zombie baby didn't make the cut.  WTF Lindsey?!?!)  So, I have taken to "makin' stuff" - as Grandma Squidbilly might say. No suitable trophies for best costumes?  I got this!  No tombstones?  No problem!  No invitations?  Hallmark ain't got nothin' on me!  If it sounds like I'm being too boastful well, suck it!  I'm exhausted!  I have been breathing spray paint and various types of glue products for 2 weeks and it's not even October yet.  I think I'm allowed a little gloating. 

I was thinking, in addition to my house looking like a bodyfarm, they might send out the men in white coats if they were to look at my browsing history.  [That is my way of admitting that I am not this creative all by my lonesome.  There are LOADS of people who are as demented as I am and it has been a blast reading/watching all of their how-tos.]  But who has time to worry about mental health professionals at a time like this?  

Anyhoo - here's a sneak peak at some of the stuff I've been working on.  I don't guess there will be any spoilers unless, that is, you plan on flying 18 hours to attend this soiree.  In which case, book that flight and we'll make you up a coffin....er...bed. 

I'd show you the inside of the invite but, well, you're probably not invited....and I don't need a bunch of blog stalkers showing up at our front door.  Skelly on the right is a copy of the original drawing I did, left is the actual invitation and the envelope is just a simple manila envelope that I added a little creepy stencil to.  The theme is a Halloween/Dia de los muertos combo costume party - thus the sugar skull. :)

The beginnings of a fruit loop/raisin bran coffin/trophy

outside of best couple trophy - haven't added the final layer of "aging" or shellac but you get the idea

And the inside.  (Damn you Picasa and Chrome....damn you!!)  

What's in the box??!?!  Doll babies....that have no idea what they're in for. 

This is only the first step in making a creepy doll.  LOTS more to go but the damn spray paint is taking FOREVER to dry.  More to come...

I decided to buy and paint some masks both for decoration and so we'd have some extra costumes for anyone that dares to show up costume-less.  This is the bare mask.  Still a little creepy no? 

I found some guy's website that showed how to make a version of this mask.  He called him "skin face" but I think "vein face" is more appropriate.  Anyway, I think he needs more gore and some darker paint, don't you? 

I really like this sugar skull.  Simple to make but I think they're so striking.   I have made a few other little trinkets to go on a dia de los muertos altar - hopefully it will all turnout!

And this?  Well...I think you'll just have to wait. 

Probably the weirdest thing I've ever purchased

I just spent $0.99 on silence.  I shit you not.  I spent a dollar for 10 seconds of silence on iTunes.  This probably begs several questions starting with "Why?" and perhaps ending with, "Are you drunk?".   Well, smart ass(es), I have perfectly logical answers for both of those questions but first let me introduce Brett Black and his album, "Silent Tracks of Useful Lengths".  

For just $0.99 a piece, you can buy anywhere from 5 seconds to 5 minutes of silence.  Let's not quibble about the fact that you're paying just as much for 5 minutes as 5 seconds ok?  If you're all hung up on that, maybe you should spend YOUR dollar on "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"?  

Here's the blurb from the Album Notes: 

Sssh... don't disturb the silence... Just like it says, this debut album by Brett Black is literally completely silent! It's a series of silent tracks ranging from 5 seconds to 5 minutes. Inspired by nothing much and the rather quiet room the tracks were recorded in, the album was produced over a mammoth recording session of about an hour and a half.

Of particular note is the track "Silence - 1 minute (Stadium Remix)" - an arrangement that was carefully reconstructed to sound best played in football grounds when they want one minute's silence. "Silence - 5 minutes" is the battleship piece of the album - written about the parents in the world who yearn for a spell of peace and quiet.

Lastly, the album was mixed so that those who like to play their music at full volume can really let their hair down!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

But here's the thing.  This guy isn't some guru of yoga, tantric sex, or the peaceful hereafter...he's just a guy that wanted to insert some dead air into a playlist and thought, hey...maybe other jokers need dead air too.  Which brings me to my justification for purchasing 10 seconds of silence . I am getting geared up for Halloween and one of the rooms is an operating room....gone bad.  I have a bazillion cool sound effects and creepy songs but it totally kills the mood if they're just played back to back.  I mean...who goes from blood spilling to a sinister ghost laugh in a quarter second?  No one, that's who!!  So I am happily inserting 10 seconds between sound effects and who knows, if I'm feeling pretty flush, I might even buy the 5 and 20 seconds of silence.  Shhhhhhhhhh...

 You can buy Brett's Sounds of Silence here or just get it on iTunes like I did. 

And so it begins....fa la la la la la la la la

I'd like to share something with you that you might not already know about the Philippines.  It's something that happens every year and it starts in September.  You know how most of us complain that the Christmas decorations go up and the Christmas carols are blasted earlier and earlier every year in the States?  Well, stop complaining!  You ain't got nothin' on the Philippines!

It's the start of the "ber" months here in the Philippines which means (shudder/gasp/eyeroll) they are ALREADY starting to celebrate Christmas.  Not the "holidays" folks...Christmas!  You know, that holiday that we're still three months away from?  Yep...THAT one.  Obviously, the "ber" months are September, October, November, December but they don't stop there.  Nope - the Philippines observes the longest Christmas season in the world...THE WORLD!!!  I know we complain when we see our neighbor's lights up until February but in the Phils, they are literally STILL celebrating until the third Sunday in January which coincides with the Feast of the Santo Nino de Cebu. 

Now, before you go thinking I'm a Grinch, just hold it right there!  I love Christmas as much the next person.  I just don't think it needs to start before Halloween!  

They say that the Filipinos focus on more on the faith side of celebrations but I am gonna have to call their bluff a little bit on that one, having seen pictures of Christmas lights shaped like an elephant and parades that look more like Mardi Gras than Christmas. 

What does it mean?!?!?!?!?

I have spotted Christmas trees in the mall and they're already playing Christmas songs on the radio but I haven't noticed any lights yet.  That could just be because I'm not walking in the right places.  If there's one positive I draw from all this early celebration, it's that a little light in downtown Manila couldn't hurt anything.  There are plenty of streetlights and the constant glow from 24 hour businesses but Manila isn't what I'd call "pretty".  So, even though I'm loathe to admit it, I think Christmas lights could only improve this town's face value.  I will update this post when I've had the chance to take some of my own photos.  

Anyway - let me be the first to wish you .....

photo attribution

Why I love the Brits, the Aussies, and the Canucks

There are lots of reasons actually.  Not the least of which includes my being able to travel to their countries and understand what they're saying.  Well....MOST of what they're saying.

I've been a bit of a news whore the last week or so and while reading an article about the G20 summit, I came across this statement by Henry Smith the Member of Parliament for Crawley:  "Putin really is a tosser."

Doesn't matter if you agree with him or not but you gotta love the Brits and their slang.  I'm sure it's because I'm American (and southern at that) but there's something about hearing them curse that's always just a little bit....cute. 

Photo attribution

But it's not just the curse words.  It's things like "trainers" and the other "rubbers" that make me smile.  So, without further ado, a few of my favorites (attributed to their countries where possible, of course): 

(If you are British, Canadian, or Australian I hope you won't take offense to the terms Aussies, Canucks, and Brits.  It's all in good fun...jolly good.  tee hee)

A over T - Aussies (Ass over tits, head over heels)
Barbie - Aussies

Bathers - Aussies (swimming gear)
Beastly - Brits
Bees knees - Brits
Bikies - Aussies (motorcyclists)
Bikkies - Aussies (not to be confused with Bikies.  Bikkies are biscuits. Um...adorable.)
Bloody - British
Blooming - Aussie/Brits
Bollocks - Brits
Boomer - Aussies (very large; an exceptionally large male kangaroo.  Stone Cold Steve Austin is probably a boomer.)
Brekkie - Aussie (breakfast.  and btw, i'm starting to think zach would really fit in down under since he calls a sandwich a "sandwy".)
Bugger - Brits
Cheeky - Brits
Choke a darkie - Aussie (take a poop.  ahahahahahahaha hahahahaha hahahahaha!)
Dishy - Brits (it means good looking.  how cute is that?)
Chuck a sickie - Aussie (calling off work when you're not really sick)
Doodle - Aussie (penis)
Dog's bollocks - as opposed to bollocks, this is apparently a good thing

Fanny - British (be careful in Britain though - it's actually referencing a woman's FRONT BITS.  who knew?!?!)
Footy - Aussie (Australia rules football) 
Get Stuffed - Canucks (Go eff yourself)
Giv'n her - Canucks (means to complete an act to its full potential.  short for given her hell)
Gobsmacked - Brits
Gorp - Canucks (trail mix)
Hoser - Canucks (loser)
Housecoat - Canucks (bathrobe)
Hydro - Canucks (electricity)
Kerfuffle - Canucks (stressful situation or commotion)
Knapsack - Canucks (backpack)
Lollies - Aussie (candies or sweets)
Mutt's Nuts - Brits (obviously another way to say dog's bollocks - LOVE it!)
What are you on about? - Brits (aka shut the eff up!) 
Rainbow sneeze - Aussie (vomit)
Rubbish - Brits
Run a message - Canucks (run an errand)
Scrumping - Brits but totally not what you're thinking.  It means to go stealing (apples from someone else's tree, for instance)
Shag - British (duh)
Sod, Sod's law, Sod it - Brits (sod's law is like Murphy's law....if anything can go wrong it will. )
Tosser - Brits (a jerk, someone who masturbates all the time.  and, bonus points if you guess what hand gesture goes along with this insult....)
Wanker - Brits (see tosser)
Weatherin' - Canucks (term to describe bad weather.  "It's weatherin' here so be careful." 

So there you have it!  A not-so-exhaustive list of slang-isms from our allies.  Please feel free to share some of your favorites that I've left off.  I know there are LOTS more out there!

Happy Friday!  (Thursday night if you're in Amurrica)

Channeling Tom Selleck - Distraction from Syria, Part 2

I'm not saying we shouldn't read the news.  I'm simply offering a break from dreariness of it all.  So, in the spirit of giving back to my fellow Americans, here's a little piece of my distorted mind that I hope will make you smile.   Happy Friday!  Happy Thursday night if you're on the other side of the world!
 -----------------------
(UPDATE:  After re-reading this, I feel compelled to offer a quick caveat.  Just because someone appears on this list, does NOT mean I find them dreamy.  Some people just fit the mold so perfectly, they couldn't be overlooked. K...I feel better now.)

The other day, Z wore a shirt unbuttoned just so to reveal a patch of burly man chest hairs.  He will HATE that I used the word "burly" there. In fact, he might hate that I brought up his chest hairs in a public forum at all.  But who cares!?

I always giggle and say something like, "What's up Tom?" when he does this but secretly, I think it's pretty sexy.  Men SHOULD have chest hair and I absolutely HATE IT when they shave but that, my friends, is a story for another post.  You guys (er...mostly gals, I suppose) know what I'm getting to here don't you?  Who is the king of chest hair?  That's right...Tom Freakin' Selleck! He's also the king of mustaches but, again, story for another post.

So my handsome husband and Tom Selleck got me thinkin' - who else in our wide world is unafraid of chest hair exposure (aka man cleavage).  Down the rabbit hole I go......to bring you "The Not So Definitive List of People You Might Know Who Often (or Even Occasionally) Show The World Their PG-rated Short and Curlies".  OMG - I KILL me!

I find Simon Cowell to be a total DB but he is a frequent chest-hair-revealer so, on the list he goes.

Jude-mutha-grubbin-Law

It's rumored that Tom Jones' chest hair is actually insured...to the tune of 7 MILLION big ones!

Holy shit!  I just had me a gibgasm!  What a hunka man he was/is!  Nom nom nom nom nom

And in other news....

Because surely a wet suit/vest outfit needs to be unzipped....down to there.

And of course, the one and only...TOM SELLECK.  Ignoring the fact that he's advertising girly cigarettes, is that not the best photo of him ever?  Look at those eyes!  The dimples!  The chesticles!  Burly.Man.Hunk. 

Need a break from news about Syria?

Why not do a bit of time traveling with me? 

I have been on a bit of an artsy fartsy kick lately which obviously means I am still jobless.  But that, my friends is not the point.  The point is, in my search for the perfect images to satisfy my little collage heart, I finally found a used bookstore in our neighborhood.  The selection is far from vast but I did manage to find a few gems including a 1973 National Geographic.  Not only did this NatGeo provide me with some good clippings,  it also led me on a bit of a stroll down memory lane.  Though 1973 is a few years before my time, I still feel like these pictures are a part of my past.  That, and some of them made me laugh hysterically so I thought I'd share.  My how far we've come.... 

Look at that beast! I sometimes wonder how these cars were ever able to turn even the simplest of corners.  The turn radius on these caddies must have been horrific.  Still, nothin like driving your hearse to the yacht club. What do you think that guy is thinking?  "Look at my streamlined new ride!  If I look the other way, I might be able to see all the way to the front grill.  Why...this Cadillac is practically a compact car!" - No?  You don't think that's what he is contemplating?

Not just Chromocolor but SUPER Chromacolor.  WTF is chromacolor?!?! Hey, but how could you ever turn down a TV that came with its own white plastic stand and a faux wood finish?

Tee hee.  Think this pretty much speaks for itself.  Yep - that's right....there's a projector involved.

Ah - the good ol' flying "W"

The "Accutron" - bringing technology....and awkward design elements to a wrist near you.