(Or, The Day That Road Rage Won)
Everything started out fine. I woke up, went to Yoga, had a nice early lunch, took a quick nap and then felt motivated enough to hoof it to the grocery store. Things started going down hill from there....
I should have known not to go to the grocery store that is in the middle of a busy shopping area at 3 pm on a Sunday but what can I say? My good sense escaped me.
I should have known they'd be out of things they normally have like ....onions??
I should have known that when I products I wanted were stocked, they'd have just a tinge of mold. Enough that I couldn't scrape it off and feel good about myself.
I should have known that turning left, from the left lane, onto a one way street on the way home was a bad idea and I would clearly be in the wrong. (insert record scratching sound.....) Wait, what?!?
What ensued after I made a LEGAL turn amounted to some of the worst road rage I have experienced. Not just in the Philippines but ever. I won't go into all the deets but suffice it to say, instead of admitting he was wrong, this particular driver decided honking and flashing his lights and following me home....was the proper way to behave.
I have calmed down considerably since but it got me to thinking, how SHOULD we deal with road rage, our own and others'? So, down the Internet rabbit hole I go....
Things to remember while you're in the grips of road rage:
1. “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of
throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” - Buddha
Here's a great little article from tinybuddha.com
Dealing with other people's road rage
2. Try to imagine the other person as a human being who goes through the range of emotions and issues throughout their day. What if the other driver had considered the frustrations that I'd already dealt with today? What if I had known he had a sick child or dog or had been up all night? There is no excuse for being a turdbucket but remembering that other people are ... people...can sometimes help.
3. Laugh it off. Because really - it's silly. I mean, there was absolutely no reason for either of us to have gotten so angry. What a couple of jackrabbits we must have looked like. His honking and aggressively tailgating and my colorful language -- all pretty foolish.
4 . Never underestimate the other driver's capacity for mayhem. Picked up that advice from roadragers.com.
I've already admitted (sorta) that I exchanged some words with this gentleman. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have. Turns out he's the kinda guy who not only doesn't follow road laws but also takes GREAT offense to being reminded of the laws by a woman. When I not only turned out to be a woman but also a woman who felt like defending herself, I think things turned a corner (pun intended). Maybe it was subconscious but I think he was embarrassed at my nerve and that embarrassment quickly turned into increased aggression. I underestimated what would come next and his capacity for being a true jerk.
5. If you don't have tinted windows and have no insight into number 4, maybe don't flip the other guy off. That needs no attribution. Consider it a free piece of advice from yours truly.
And I guess, when all else fails, you could try this:
Or this - although, it might go against the spirit of this post. Still funny though..
And if that seemed inappropriate, maybe you should stop reading now. Because let's be honest, no matter how much deep breathing I try to do or how many motivational podcasts I listen to, I will still probably wake up tomorrow and adhere more to the following than anything I have said so far. Que sera sera.
I will try really really hard not to shake my fist or give anyone the middle finger though. REALLY REALLY REALLY I WILL. Until I get some tint on my windows and then it's ON! <wink>
I didn't make a resolution this year. Well, I guess that's a lie. In the middle of a yoga class on 31 December 2014, the instructor suggested (if we were so inclined) that we could set our intention for the year and I did just that. So in a way, I guess that was me making a resolution.
It's not that I don't think the idea of making resolutions is a good thing, I just believe that our resolutions for ourselves should constantly be in a state of tweaking, you know? The intentions that I set for 2015? Well, I think I will hold on to them for now. They, like me, are a work in progress and actually I am really really trying to follow through so I don't want to jinx myself by sharing them with the Intersphere.
I will share a resolution of the day though. It's one that constantly rears its head in my personal and professional life and I'm sure that I am not unique in wanting to have more of this in my back pocket. And what is it that I want more of out of myself on a daily basis???
Courage.
Simple.
But not at all simple.
I watch Ted Talks and listen to girl power blogs (shout out to Call Your Girlfriend; the podcast for long distance besties everywhere). I try to equip myself with the right motivation so that, in a time of crisis or opposition, I will steel myself but mostly I cave in. Unless I have the opportunity to spout my opinion in an email and then I deliberate and deliberate and edit and "save as draft" for weeks before I send the damn thing. By the time I've remembered that I never sent it, the point is beyond moot.
So why do we do this? And in particular why, as women, do we do this? What will it take to lock in the courage that we deserve. For me, I can plot the life circumstances that led/lead to me having ample courage and other occasions where that same courage was destroyed as if it had never existed in the first place. I am deeply affected by people's opinion of me. Sad but true. I am (ahem...overly) sensitive and quick to apologize, fix, worry, ruminate, stew, rehash, sort out, fret, rinse, soap, wash, repeat -- at the sign of a disagreement. It takes years for me to build up the courage that I believe I deserve yet seconds to watch it all come crumbling down at the hands of a short sighted moron.
What a hypocrite I am. I am always trying to enable my female colleagues and friends to put their opinions out there. I want them not to be afraid to have lives and thoughts and passions of their own, regardless of their circumstances. I think that I have inspired a few people along the way. I hope that I have anyway. So why, when faced with someone who disagrees with me do I so badly want to make them feel comfortable that I almost change my original opinion. Hold the phone. Let me clarify something, I don't actually change my fundamental beliefs or opinions (unless they need changin') but I make people believe that I see logic in their argument when there are definitely occasions I see none. In some ways, this isn't a bad way to operate. The best way to get an audience with someone (with the strategic plan to change their mind) is to make them believe that you actually put some credence in their opinion. That is only sometimes the conscious tact I'm taking though.
Why the deliberation? Why the soft peddling in delivering a message? Why do we (particularly the women "we") try to package our opinions so that they are digestible for everyone? This CAN'T be necessary. There has to be a better way and I believe that way has something to do with courage.
People won't like it when you tell them they're wrong. You, by the way, will sometimes BE WRONG. But to really live with the satisfaction that you're being honest with yourself requires the courage to constantly publicize your VERY WORTHY opinions.
I wrote an email today. I haven't sent it yet but I will tomorrow. It needs sending. It craves to be shared with the audience that needs to read it. They will not like it. They might ignore it. They might get mad about it but there's something we forget when we're scared -- we're not the only ones. What if your audience is equally scared of you? What if they need courage to talk to you about issues, complaints, personal dilemmas? In the long run, wouldn't we all be better off by being courageous enough to show some vulnerability. Sticking up for something you believe in strongly is hard because you're showing someone your hand. You have given them power because they now know how you truly feel. On the other hand, you have taken back your voice -- and that, holds all the power in the world.
