Cassie has always been a sucker for the bad boys

 

Can't take her anywhere

Stupid pride and grocery bags!

I am SO disappointed in myself right now!  On the way home from the gym today, there was the most fabulous picture taking opportunity and I failed!  I have no excuse really.  I was carrying one (not terribly heavy) grocery bag and was in a (not really at all) hurry to let Cassie out.

I actually thought to myself, "Don't worry about it Lindsey.  If you don't take a picture, SURELY you'll be able to find something on line that helps people understand."  Seriously, that's how lazy I've become?  It's not even laziness - it's pride.  Every good blogger or photographer (not that I'm claiming to be either) knows that you MUST have your camera at the ready at all times because you never know when that perfect moment will appear.  And I did! I did have my effing camera and I could have easily stopped. But I always have a twinge of guilt when taking photos that I think are fascinating but that are just status quo for the subject.  It's as if I fear they think I'm mocking them which isn't the case at all...it's just fascinating.  Asians don't have this problem and hell, I've had about 5 people ask to take a picture of Cassie and I don't flinch so I really SHOULD know better.  But I suck...nuff said.

Point is, no one would have cared!  And if I'd just taken the picture,  I'd be able to share with you the most genius contraption I've seen in the recent (and maybe even distant) past.

There were several work trucks parked alongside the hotel next door to us and some workers were milling about on the sidewalk.  Sitting or leaning or smoking - whatever...blah blah blah.  The day had just taken a turn for the oppressive.  Earlier it had been dry and relatively cool with a breeze but the afternoon showers were making their way in and so was the moisture -- making for a pretty uncomfortable time to take a break on the sidewalk.

So, I was walking by them all, smiling, attempting to be respectful and sympathetic but so so so glad that my cool hotel room was just yards away.  And then I saw it, someone had found the perfect way to beat the afternoon heat - or at least catch a comfortable siesta.  This guy had rigged a full size hammock INSIDE the cabin of one of the work trucks that was parked in the shade.  And he was zonked.

It was perfect but words will never do it justice.  Perhaps a diagram??

 

 +

      


argh, I can't even make a good diagram!  Anyway, you get the idea.  Thing on the left plus thing on the right=awesome. 

And I missed it all....
Mission not accomplished. 
         

SURVEY TIME AGAIN - This shit just got real. Real ugly, that is.

I am shamelessly reposting this from my facebook to here even though the only people that will probably read it, already have....on facebook. 

Here's the link that inspired this particular rant.  It's not so much the article but some of the schmos that commented.  Even though a lot of them are right, it doesn't diminish my desire to smack them about the face with a soggy banana.

Women in Combat - Huff post article

"I don't usually do this but today, I can't help it. To be honest, I don't know how to feel. My instinct is to lash out in defense of equal rights (much as I lashed out at my husband when he said this was nonsense last night). First, I'm sorry to him for getting so immediately angry. There's something about this argument that is so distasteful - I can't quite put my finger on it. I *think* what I believe is this: there are situations where a woman's presence in a special forces situation could be hugely beneficial and I think said woman should be afforded the same type of training so that she is prepared to face the same dangers. That said, I also think that if a female is to hold the same exact position as Navy Seal or Army Ranger, she MUST be able to adhere to the same physical standards - standards that are currently (for most women) impossible to uphold due to our physical makeup. 

So, I'm conflicted. I get the counterargument to this decision and I agree with a lot of it. BUT and it's a big BUT, I completely disagree with the vitriol behind a lot of the comments people are leaving in response to this decision. War is a disgusting, dangerous and divisive endeavor - and one that women have been a part of in some form or fashion throughout history. For some to claim that we are living in some la-la land where only men are disfigured or killed in battle is ludicrous. Look at how many women have fought and died for our country in the last 10 years. There should be thoughtful consideration when making these decisions and any acceptance of ANYONE into a special forces unit should be something that is dealt with on a case by case basis and if that person does not qualify, they're out.

The debate will rage on and I, no doubt, will be one of the many who waffle. When it comes to allowing women on the front lines however, my vote is 100% yes. Just because we have periods or frequent UTIs doesn't mean we can't protect our country - in fact, I'd argue that all the shit we go through as women makes us stronger in a lot of ways. I'm not so off the reservation that I don't realize that our emotional makeup can also be significantly different than a man's but not every woman is built of the same stuff. There are men who are clearly not cut out for combat either but that doesn't mean we should sideline them as a rule. The special forces issue will continue to be just that...an issue.

All this little girl can do is speak from experience and the only experience I have that is similar is when I applied for several police departments. The only one that even came close to being challenging physically was the Austin Police Dept. I understand that they've changed the testing to "accommodate" female recruits but I can happily inform you that when I tested, I completed the only physical test they offered - and I did so faster than 80% of the other recruits. That was just one test though and I'm sure that I couldn't have faced and overcome every challenge that my male colleagues would have handled with relative ease. But there are things I/We do better...physically and emotionally so I think there's a need for inclusion....I just can't figure out how it would work.

So here I am - taking no real stance. I'd be a horrible president. I'd kinda like people to just stop saying such mean shit about women though - is that too much to ask??"

NOW - What do you ladies and germs think?  Gimme all ya got...I can take it.  Well, I might cry but I will get really angry and throw a barbell at you first.

A day in the life of my google search box...

...in case "they" are watching.

Given the recent deluge of news on wire tapping, cyber spying and general whining about privacy violations, I thought it might be interesting (to no one but me probably) to see just what my google search and general interwebs browsing behavior reveals about my personal habits. 

So, here's my morning so far...with explanations, where available:

• Blogger: Simple Pleasures in a Complex World - edit post (probably some lame misspelling that I desperately hope no one noticed before)
• Facebook
• Facebook
• Facebook
• Blogger
• Google log in
• Facebook
• Facebook
• Blogger: Moments of Lucidity (commenting on Donna's post about a man getting beat up by a toddler) Check it out: Moments of Lucidity
• Blogger: Simple Pleasures (yep - still no one has commented or probably even read my last post)
• Facebook stalking times a million
• Blogger: Hollywood: Where HOT Comes to Die (I have no shame.  She's hilarious. Don't believe me?  See for yourself -- Hollywood: Where HOT comes to die)
• Blogger stalking times 12 (I think I just went down the list of blog links on Hollywood's site to see if there were any I could steal.  I can't even be bothered to search for cool blogs on my own...)
• Blogger: Simple Pleasures (Layout and Template edits - because maybe if I put this widget before that widget, someone will visit me!?!?!)
• Minutes of Mayhem: Things they've learned by spying on you (dammit!  now you all know where I stole the idea for this post from.  Not to mention, I found this website by trolling Hollywood's Blog links.  My creativity points for the day have plummeted.)
• Minutes of Mayhem: Justin Bieber's Penis (Um....I have no excuse.  It was just there....and I am forever scarred.  What has been seen cannot be unseen.)
• Facebook times 6 (all daddy well wishing stuff.  Let's not even try and figure out how this came right after the Beeb's penis.  I already think I am going to need counseling after this sharefest.)
• Amazon - The shopping cart that will never die.  I have been working on this order for two weeks.  Will I ever see my Kashi Go Lean and heather gray leggings??? Probably not.
• Google Search : Interview questions for household help (don't judge me...everyone in the Phils hires help) This is also where I went away from the wide world of interwebs and was productive for probably a record 45 min stretch.  Yes...you should be impressed.
• Google News - wha?!?!?  How'd this get here???
• Treat tote bag review- another hold up on the Amazon order because apparently I HAVE to have the perfect training treat bag and cannot waste $5 on something sub par so down the rabbit hole of reviews I went.
• Facebook - cute pic of a dog on a couch...must.comment.now
• Google News
• Google Search - Wuthering Heights (only because the horrible 2011 movie version was on tv)
• Minutes of Mayhem:  yeah...back to the Beeb's penis.  I don't know why.  Can I claim the tab was still open???
• Star Movies - to confirm that Piranha 3DD is, in fact, on in an hour (IT IS!)
• Simple Pleasures - edit post (this one!)
• Google news - but only to find an article about cyber spying so I can grab another word for....cyber spying.
• Minutes of Mayhem: Things they've learned by spying on you.  Ok Ok, here it is:  Things they've learned by spying on you  If you'll please please please click that link, you'll start to understand my Bieber...problem.  It wasn't my fault!   It was just there!

Opposite Day

Here's the thing. Do NOT ask yes or no questions in the Philippines. It will get you nowhere. In fact, if you could channel your inner child and just pretend to be playing "opposite day" every day, that would be for the best. "Egg white omelet with no cheese and very little oil" OBVIOUSLY means "Gimme the whole egg and nothing but the egg, extra cheese and lay that grease on super thick!" In case you didn't know, now ya know. 

I guess that's not the best yes/no example but surely you get my drift. If given the opportunity, and sometimes when it is DIRE that someone be honest as opposed to just aiming to please, the Filipino folks will almost always default to "yes" (or whatever it is that they think you want to hear). For instance, never say, "Is this water filtered?" Silly human! Silly silly American fool. You must state explicitly and perhaps in a written format, "I would like filtered water only." In fact, you're better off just asking for a bottle of water and calling it a day. Chances are, if you ask for filtered water, you may very well get a tall glass of filtered water but those ice cubes floating harmlessly about in your pretty little glass? NOT FILTERED ICE CUBBIES (or is that CUBIES? if I'm going to make up a word, I should at least take an honest stab at the right way to spell it)! So just forget. Assume the worst, realize you're not being insulting by asking specifically and then reconfirming...again...and again.

The taxi drivers here are pretty nice but a head nod indicating they are familiar with the area or the address you've provided is NOT enough my fair complected friend. It's an interesting dilemma. Why bother even taking a cab if you're the one who has to figure out, turn by turn, how to get there? I have two damn cars but sometimes going 4 blocks in them and trying to find parking isn't worth the hassle so dammit, I am cabbin it. There's no doubt in my mind that $2 is a decent investment when it eliminates my having to deal with the ridiculous lack of traffic enforcement in this town. But anyway, what was my point? Oh - there is nothing more disconcerting then getting in a cab, explaining where you're going, having the cabbie nod in understanding, and then getting to the moment of truth, the big turn of all turns and the cabbie turns around and says, "Right or left ma'am?" Well how the bloody hell should I know? You stopped following my cute little google maps directions 5 turns ago and now we're stuck between a shanty town and a hard place. Thanks. So, I just smile and say, "yes". Let him figure it out!

So I guess it's either this:

Or this:

(That's the "minute burger", by the way. I'm guessing there's nothing minute or very burger like about it at all.)

[Here's where I offer my apologies to our country hosts. I am sorry that I am a whiny little American and I hope that my posts do not offend anyone who hails from this wonderful country. I like it here...I really do. I much prefer it to SEVERAL alternatives and I am looking forward to getting to know the Philippines. I PROMISE I will write an equal number of rave reviews...just give me time. I am on my third sinus infection and my third week of living in a dungeon. It's not your fault. I'm not being a very good neighbor or guest. Can we blame my dog or husband somehow?? Sorry Cassie/Husbear...it's a small price to pay for all the love I give right?? RIGHT?!?!]

Boy Band Say Wha???

A friend of mine recently sent me a text with the following partial lyrics to the Kenny and Dolly classic, Islands in the Stream:

"Baby, when I met you there was peace unknown
I set out to get you with a fine tooth comb
I was soft inside, there was somethin going on"

What.the.fizzzuck???

Who sets out to find someone with a fine tooth comb?  Do they have lice?  Tangles?   And why is he soft inside? WHAT exactly is going on?  More importantly, why do we blissfully sing the lyrics to such songs and never question the thought process?  Someone wrote that shit!  Like, on paper...and set it to music...and then mystery of all mysteries, MADE KABILLIONS of dollars.  Yes, I love the song. Yes, I will continue to sing it at the top of my lungs whenever I hear it but NO I do not understand.

So, that got me to thinkin (as I sometimes do during jobless stretches or periods of intense heat)....what other song lyrics make the human race look like idiots for putting them in the Top 40?   I know I have zippy readership but I'm imploring...begging like a fat kid during Eid...PLEASE give me some of your thoughts because I know I'll forget some.  My goal is to compile (without googling**) the Top 20 weirdest song lyrics of our time.  I think I can come up with about 10 (cheating a bit by using some historical input provided by husbear) but I really want to hear whatchoo got?!? (ok ok - I didn't make it to 10 but I'm tired and I really wanted to post this shiznit tonight!)

 Here's mine (in an as-yet undetermined order because I can't possibly rack and stack without the input of the masses...er...the three people I'm hoping will respond): 

1. Spice Girls, "Wannabe"  - I count 45 occasions where a version of the word "want" occurs but even more notable?  The reference to a "zigazig" and then the subsequent release, "ah".  What does it mean?!?!?!  

"Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah"


2. Lionel Richie, "Easy" - Now, I don't know how well this fits into the whacked out lyrics category but my lord, how often have we all been perplexed at that weird moment he just yells "EW!" (or is it, "OOH!"?)  in the middle of an otherwise chill song? Did he crap his white Lionel Richie pants or what?

2 and a half.  Lionel Richie (yeah, you read that right), "Say you, Say me" - In this case, I'm pretty sure I'm stretching the limits of my own category but when that song hits the bridge, I feel like I've landed on another planet.  It's a romantic little dittie but just when you think it's reaching it's quiet crescendo,  it SEXPLODES.  Don't believe me?  Check out this you tube vid around 2 min 50 sec in.  Thank me later.

And by the way, will someone please name this movie?  I have seen it and I thought it was pretty fab (at least, back in the dizay) but husbear says he doesn't think "people his age" will know the movie.  C'mon people...prove him wrong! 

3. Kenny and Dolly, "Islands in the Stream" - see above

4. Pearl Jam, "Yellow Ledbetter" - Best I can tell, no one has ever figured out what the hell Eddie Vedder is saying in this damn song but we still all loved this little B Side gem.  Here's a compilation of what I remember with some gaps filled in by the world wide interwebs.  I'm pretty sure none of us are right and it's just a sick sad joke the band played on our grungy asses.  (And no, mom, I still don't forgive you for not letting me go see them when they came to town!!  Maybe he'd have told me the secret meaning behind the song!?  Scarred...deeply scarred).

"Unsealed on a porch a letter sat.
Then you said, "I wanna leave it again."
Once I saw her on a beach of weathered sand.
And on the sand I wanna leave it again. Yeah.
On a weekend I wanna wish it all away, yeah.
And they called and I said that "I want what I said" and then I call out again.
And the reason oughta' leave her calm, I know.
I said "I know what I was the boxer or the bag."

Ah yeah, can you see them out on the porch? Yeah, but they don't wave.
I see them round the front way. Yeah.
And I know, and I know I don't want to stay.
Make me cry..."
**Thanks to husbear for reminding me of this classically misheard tune. 

5. Tricky Daddy, Sugar (Gimme Some) - I think this may have to be up there in terms of the most ridiculous.  There's a lot to build on here but I think, to save time, I'll skip to the sugary sweet center of this uber hip hop wonder:

"Sweetie you look so incredible
So delicious and so damn edible
All I need is some honey or syrup
With a lil' butter to rub down all your curves
And no need for the lemonade
Just a twist of lime and some grape Kool-Aid
Can I call you Caramel?
Cuz I'm bout to go coo-coo to taste your Coco Puffs
One bowl ought to fill me up
But that milk gotta be cold enough
So supper time that'll hold me up
I might choke myself if I don't slow it up, but
Honey, you look like a honeydew melon
Or strawberry with the whipped cream filling
Or the top part of the peach cobbler
But uh, the fruit platter ought to do me better"

What the hell is so great about the fruit platter? Is there dip?  I will give ol' Trick Daddy props on one point however....nothing is worse than warm milk on the Coco Puffs but perhaps I'm missing the true spirit of this jam??

6. Tracy Byrd, "Watermelon Crawl" - And then there are some songs that you can only understand when you come from a certain, er, region of the States.  I happen to pick up what this particular song is layin' down buuuuuut, I can totally understand why other people hear this on the radio and vow to never tune to a country western station...ever...again. 

"When the band started playin the watermelon queen
Said let me show you somethin' that you ain't ever seen
She grabbed me by the arm said come on lets go
She dipped down, spun around, and do-ce-doed

She rocked back on her heels dropped down to her knees
She crawled across the floor and jumped back to her feet
She wiggled and she giggled and beat all you ever saw
She said this is how you do the watermelon crawl"

Yeah, that image belongs to someone so don't go stealin it.  Seriously, stop it! Crawl Art

7. REO Speedwagon, "Keep on Loving You" (shouts out to my sis! dis is yo jammmmm!) - So I may or may not have played this on my tape recorder via my "party line" to a boy that broke up with me in the 3rd grade.  Cause, you know, nothing says 'I'm SO over you' like REO Speedwagon's cheesy soft core rock ballad, "Keep on Loving You."  But my little 8 year old love pangs have little to do with the following stupendulous lyrics:

"You should've seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was somethin missin
You should've known by the tone of my voice, maybe
But you didn't listen
You played dead
But you never bled
Instead you lay still in the grass
All coiled up and hissin"

8. LFO, "Summer Girls"- Careful reading the following.  I can offer no reassurances that you will maintain your current level of brain cells by the time you reach the end.  But, for fun, you should really read the whole thing out loud....and think about what it took to put that crap on paper and set it to "music". 

"Cherry Pez,cold crush,rock star boogie
Used to hate school so I had to play hookie,
Always been hip to the B-boY Style
Known to act wild and make girls smile,
Love New Edition and the Candy Girl
Remind me of you because you rock my world
You come from Georgia where the peaches grow
They drink lemonade and speak real slow
You love hip hop and rock n roll
Dad took off when you were 4 years old
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby when you're near
You love fun dip and cherry Coke,
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

In the summertime girls got it going on,
Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like,
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike

Bugaloo shrimp and pogo sticks
My mind takes me back there oh so quick
Let you off the hook like my man Mr. Limpet
Think about that summer and I bug,cause I miss it
Like the color purple,macaroni and cheese,
Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees
Call you up but whats the use
I like Kevin Bacon,but I hate Footloose
Came in the door I said it before,I think I'm over you
but I'm really not sure
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch"

What the hell do these jugnuts have against Footloose any damn way?

 
So that's all I have for now.  Gimme what you got or else I will find you and zigazig your coco puffs with a fine tooth comb.

It was a Dark and Stormy Night

I wonder when I'll run out of rain-themed post ideas?  Hopefully not for a while since I think we're in for some pretty significant thunderboomers (there!  another name for a thunderstorm!).

So, if you're keeping up my dear four readers, last night I was considering NOT going to "The Blind Pig" with the hubs to meet some friends because it was POURING outside.  Thankfully, the rain abated, I threw on some clothes and we headed over to the general area where we thought this little Speakeasy was located.  Now, there have already been some super clever blogs about this place that I couldn't (and wouldn't) attempt to duplicate.  If you're interested, you can read more about The Blind Pig here:

Mr. Delicous: The Blind Pig, Makati's Best Poorly Kept Secret

Enroute: Through the Dark and Into Blind Pig Speakeasy Makati

Maraisms: A Night at Blind Pig Speakeasy Salcedo

At least I can say that I am not the only one who has broken one of the cardinal speakeasy rules by letting the world in on this little "secret".  It's been done before and heck, is probably being done right now by someone else since one of our companions is a fellow blogger and our husbands caught us taking the same (flashless) photos of the menu and rules.  Lame?  Maybe.  But at least we're not alone in our lameness.

I don't want to turn this into a review but I loved this place.  The drinks, while expensive, were worth every penny and I'm not exaggerating in the slightest when I say husbear's gin and tonics were the best gin and tonics I've EVER tasted.  There is a menu you can order from and I think between the 10 or so of us, we managed to try one of everything but, like other bloggers have mentioned, you can also just tell the bartender what you're feeling and he'll throw together something that will knock your socks off.  For my first drink, I decided to let him do just that.  I wanted strawberries, mint, and vodka -- "not too sweet" I said.  Well, alas, they were out of strawberries but offered me a choice of blueberry or raspberry.  I chose blueberry.  What arrived was nothing short of perfect.  She called it a Blueberry Caipirorka and it like a mojito but less sugary sweet and more....well blueberrily bliss like.  As great as my drink was, the Gin and Tonic Zach had with a kielbasa-sized chunk of ice was like drinking spring in a glass. Yum!

For my second drink, I ordered off the menu.  I thought, given the night we'd had so far, it was more than appropriate to order the Dark and Stormy (dark rum, fresh ginger syrup, and fresh lime juice).  It was great but would have been better with some food probably.  I don't know what it was exactly but I kept wishing the popcorn we'd ordered hadn't already been demolished.  The ginger gave it a nice little kick and left my lips burning just a tad but it was missing some sort of munchie.  Maybe I was just getting the midnight snackies??  Who knows.

The Dark and Stormy

The only drawback to our evening?  With our group, they should have renamed the joint a "Speakloudly".  I love socializing as much as the next person but I think some of the vibe of the place was lost on us.  It seems a more appropriate venue for a couple on their third date or perhaps a party of four.   Our 10ish colleagues and friends gathered for a farewell party were a bit overpowering in the somewhat diminutive establishment.  I wouldn't trade the group OR the conversation;  I'm simply saying I'll be back Pig....and I will make it my mission to get my prohibition vibe on.

Dammit! I totally forgot that I was going to make this posting about The Blind Pig different by telling you why the hell they call it that in the first place.  A quick search will get you that answer but since I think it's super cool and reminds me of dry county rules in today's day and age, I thought I'd just tell ya instead of making you look it up.

So a Speakeasy was also referred to as a "Blind Pig" or "Blind Tiger" back in the prohibition era.  Much like happy hour specials on food that you see in dry counties*, in Speakeasies a customer would pay a fee to see an attraction (like a blind pig or blind tiger) and would then be served a complimentary alcoholic beverage thereby circumventing the law.

[*In some dry counties, happy hours are restricted to food products only.  Meaning, the establishment can discount food stuffs as a way to draw customers in but NOT alcohol.  It's a wacktastic law in bassackwards bible belt towns.  Too many southern euphemisms there?  Too bad.  :)]

Anyway, I think it's an all around super cool idea and in case you're wondering, it did take us a hot minute to find the joint but when we did, it didn't disappoint.

It's dark because I was trying to obey the rules - no flash photography!

The only marking that helps you identify the "pig".  Um... super secret awesomness much?!?!