Everything started out fine. I woke up, went to Yoga, had a nice early lunch, took a quick nap and then felt motivated enough to hoof it to the grocery store. Things started going down hill from there.... I should haveknown not to go to the grocery store that is in the middle of a busy shopping area at 3 pm on a Sunday but what can I say? My good sense escaped me. I should have known they'd be out of things they normally have like ....onions?? I should have known that when I products I wanted were stocked, they'd have just a tinge of mold. Enough that I couldn't scrape it off and feel good about myself.
I should have known that turning left, from the left lane, onto a one way street on the way home was a bad idea and I would clearly be in the wrong. (insert record scratching sound.....) Wait, what?!? What ensued after I made a LEGAL turn amounted to some of the worst road rage I have experienced. Not just in the Philippines but ever. I won't go into all the deets but suffice it to say, instead of admitting he was wrong, this particular driver decided honking and flashing his lights and following me home....was the proper way to behave. I have calmed down considerably since but it got me to thinking, how SHOULD we deal with road rage, our own and others'? So, down the Internet rabbit hole I go....
Things to remember while you're in the grips of road rage: 1. “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of
throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” - Buddha Here's a great little article from tinybuddha.com Dealing with other people's road rage 2. Try to imagine the other person as a human being who goes through the range of emotions and issues throughout their day. What if the other driver had considered the frustrations that I'd already dealt with today? What if I had known he had a sick child or dog or had been up all night? There is no excuse for being a turdbucket but remembering that other people are ... people...can sometimes help. 3. Laugh it off. Because really - it's silly. I mean, there was absolutely no reason for either of us to have gotten so angry. What a couple of jackrabbits we must have looked like. His honking and aggressively tailgating and my colorful language -- all pretty foolish. 4 . Never underestimate the other driver's capacity for mayhem. Picked up that advice from roadragers.com. I've already admitted (sorta) that I exchanged some words with this gentleman. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have. Turns out he's the kinda guy who not only doesn't follow road laws but also takes GREAT offense to being reminded of the laws by a woman. When I not only turned out to be a woman but also a woman who felt like defending herself, I think things turned a corner (pun intended). Maybe it was subconscious but I think he was embarrassed at my nerve and that embarrassment quickly turned into increased aggression. I underestimated what would come next and his capacity for being a true jerk. 5. If you don't have tinted windows and have no insight into number 4, maybe don't flip the other guy off. That needs no attribution. Consider it a free piece of advice from yours truly. And I guess, when all else fails, you could try this:
Or this - although, it might go against the spirit of this post. Still funny though..
And if that seemed inappropriate, maybe you should stop reading now. Because let's be honest, no matter how much deep breathing I try to do or how many motivational podcasts I listen to, I will still probably wake up tomorrow and adhere more to the following than anything I have said so far. Que sera sera.
I will try really really hard not to shake my fist or give anyone the middle finger though. REALLY REALLY REALLY I WILL. Until I get some tint on my windows and then it's ON! <wink>
Lest you think I have resting on my laurels for the last six months, I thought I'd provide a list of things I've learned since my last blog post to prove that this time off was not for....naught. So, without further ado, stuff I've learned since disappearing from the blogger world (most of which, has absolutely nothing to do with blogging):
1. Never over trust a fart.
a. Sub rule: You should work really hard to only fart once in yoga class.
--If the sub rule seems unnecessary, you have clearly not been in a recent yoga class at the studio I have been going to. I am a firm believer that ...er...mistakes happen and once in a while, especially in those standing separate leg stretches, you just feel relaxed. It's inevitable that things will slip out. What I don't understand is the multi-farter. Were it me, I'd tamp that shit down after the first whoof. If they are loud, multiple and Buddha forbid, stinky -- I think perhaps it's time to call it quits.
2. A motorized bicycle is a perfectly suitable method to transport balloons. It does not in any way impede the traffic flow or cause hazards to you or other drivers. Nope - does not....will not.
3. If you own a bus in Manila, you are required to pee on the front tire. In the middle of the day. In traffic.
a. Sub rule: You may also be required to urinate in the car wash stall of a private condo garage because, duh, the actuall WC you could use is at least three floors away and the chances of you making it there before you piddle yourself....well...by all means, don't risk it. Pee three feet away from my parking spot. Why not?! --I will never understand the lack of pee pee control here. I can't help but think of the countless times my parents uttered the words, "You should have gone before we left." Does that never occur to these folks? I mean, I get it...traffic here can be horrendous and you drive for a living but surely SURELY there's some way to plan effectively enough where you are not forced to pee in full view of motorists at the corner of Makati Ave and Ayala.
4. There is absolutely no way to explain to someone who doesn't live in Manila why it is so frustrating. --We have tried to narrow the explanation down in to one or two little pithy phrases, "It's the land of not quite right," or "It's the little city that could...but didn't". I have learned that we are in a privileged and exclusive club. You're probably not in the club and that's ok -- keep trying...you never know. There is nothing quite so fulfilling as complaining about Manila with someone else who lives in Manila. To become a member of this club, several things must occur in your life. You must spend 3+ consecutive days in traffic for no less than two hours each way. You must have gotten in at least two wrecks where the vehicles involved were not going over 3 miles per hour. The thought must have occurred to you that, with half a tank of gas and 3 miles to travel, you probably should have gotten gas. Why? (see traffic requirement above) And that's just life in your car. There are approximately 725 additional pre-requisites for membership. We are really really selective. 5. If you aren't an anti-social person, you might become one in Manila.
--I gotta say, if you don't live in my building, it's gonna be real real hard for us to be friends because it'll be a trash free day in Burgos before I leave the comfort of my apartment to get back out on the streets just to have drinks with a friend or see a movie. If you have been lucky enough to score my time outside of the general Salcedo area, you...my dear....have broken through. Congratulations! And if you're the one who has left your neighborhood to come visit me, well...I am truly honored.
6. One working elevator in a building with 36 floors and 4 condos on each floor is probably not going to go well.
--Don't even get me started on what would happen if there were a true emergency on the 32nd floor.
7. Paris fixes everything.
--Frustrated by the complete lack of selection and general frustration brought on by shopping in Manila? Just apply one super sweet husband and the city of lights and, magically, you're cured. Christmas in Paris 2014 -- best.idea.ever.
8. The beach (and other Philippines getaways) acts as the same sort of mental health medicine. --It is true what they say, you will like the Philippines much more if you don't allow Manila to be your only window to its soul. We are making dedicated efforts to get out of town these days. Failing that, I also enjoy staycations in my apartment -- putzing around in my art room, playing with Cassie, going to Yoga etc. The point is, wherever you are, you must pretend as if you're NOT in Manila. And...go...
9. Yoga is my new best friend. Shout out to Yoga+ Makati!!
--They are not preachy or bitchy or snobby. Their classes range from relaxing to really challenging and they are less than a block from my front door. Sold! 'Me time' is almost never better spent than at this Yoga studio. Yoga+ Philippines 10. Salcedo Saturday Market is STILL the best thing about living here. --Returning from Paris meant I was back in the mood to cook which could have also meant that I was mere seconds away from a deep depression. The grocery shopping has gotten better here but you still can't find everything you need. This weekend though, I was able to find fresh sage, rosemary, ground cloves, and....the creme de la creme??? Fresh Fennel! Last night I made Italian Wedding Soup. Tonight, sweet potato and cauliflower fritters. Thank you Salcedo Saturday Market...thank you!
Recipe from Better Homes and Gardens; Photo credit from BHG.com
11. BONUS: Life is an adventure and no matter what happens, you just gotta keep living it. Be grateful for what you have. Rant about the things that bother you to the people who will forgive your ranting. Find joy in the little things. Adapt. Overcome. Thank the stardust super being, yourself, or whatever you believe in that you are still on this side of the top soil. It's all one big circus and I don't know about you but I'm happy to be one of its acrobats/clowns/ring leaders/monkeys. :)
....or, why every store in the Philippines is like walking into a Havertys. First of all, I feel like I should apologize. I made a commitment to publish one blog every month and I have obviously failed. And to add insult to injury, I don't even have anything nice to say.
Here's what I do have to say, "Why can't they just leave me alone??!!?"
You know that sinking feeling you get when you know you need to go shopping for a new couch or La-Z-Boy but you would rather get a shoddy root canal than enter a furniture store? Well, multiply that by a BAJILLION, and you'll have some idea what it's like shopping in the Philippines.
I'm sorry. Ok, you know what? I'm NOT sorry. I recently made up my mind to minimize the qualifying statements I make and just stick to my guns. So, here goes. I am NOT sorry and this sh*t is ridiculous.
Perhaps a more specific comparison is in order? Imagine, if you will, walking into your favorite Target on a sleepy Saturday morning. No one has really gotten out and about yet so it's pretty much just you and the people in line at the Starbucks in the front of the store. You have no particular agenda though you do want to remember to get hairspray and deodorant. Or wait...let's go with slightly more embarrassing....tampons and dandruff shampoo. You grab a cart not a basket because you just want to stroll. You don't need the weight of a basket on your arm...keeping you from browsing with reckless and relaxing abandon. With your gingerbread latte in hand and the world of Target in front of you, off you go!
Yes. More than anything in the whole wide world.
{Scene setter for below: Please don't delude yourself...this did not happen at an open air market or a low-end mall/store. I'd expect this type of behavior at a market or bizarre. Easiest way to imagine the following is to pretend it happened in a hybrid Nordstrom/Target. And go......} Suddenly, your dream turns into a nightmare. Before you've even picked up your (sad joke of a) basket, a security "guard" tells you to put your newly purchased hot coffee in the trash -- "No drinks" he says. Apparently, this does not apply to the rich local lady with her brood of children and helpers and any number of assorted sippy cups and McDonalds fountain drinks. You glare at him but throw your coffee away anyway. Two steps in, you're accosted by salesmen with perfume. Five of them. Immediately in your face. In your workout clothes with sweat still drying, perhaps you look like a solid mark...this lady NEEDS perfume. On the other hand, YOU ARE IN YOUR WORKOUT CLOTHES! WHO THE HELL NEEDS PERFUME IN THEIR WORKOUT CLOTHES?!?!? This is where you begin to rely heavily on the cover of your iPod. It's not even that loud but you pretend you can't hear anyone. Wish it worked the same with eye contact.
Onward you go...you are determined. Perfume boys be damned! Two feet later at a small display, you are greeted by someone who clearly cannot see the lines of personal space surrounding you and though she's practically IN your ear, she ignores the iPod and says hello anyway. Oddly, there's no offer to help. She just stands there....waiting. "I'm good," you say, "I don't need any help right now." She smiles but doesn't leave. So you do.
But you are not leaving this store yet. You are so tired of being forced to buy things online. You will succeed in this mission.....for hairspray...and nail polish remover. Whatever the cost, you WILL succeed.
The real shit thing here is, they have some good products at this place. You want to browse and somewhere deep inside, you need to browse. So you try. You wander over to the haircare area, excited to see the beach hair spray that you've been buying on line all this time. Who knew?! But then, she's back. And you don't know if it's a new she or an old she though, given the one to one shelf/salesperson ratio, you suspect it's a new she. She's behind you. You feel her there. You initially try to ignore her...hoping she'll go away...for her own good. The frustration is starting to bubble now and you're honestly afraid of what you might say to this poor unsuspecting saleslady. But why the hell does she follow you??! "Hi," you say, "I don't need any help. You can go back to what you were doing." She smiles but doesn't leave. You keep walking. She stays right behind you. "Stop following me," you mutter under your breath but definitely at a volume she can hear. She takes one step back, stops following you but doesn't actually leave. Now she is pretending not to watch you but you can feel her eyes on you. At this point, you think you might be going a little crazy. What started as a stroll with no agenda is morphing into something you can't escape fast enough. Dreams of casual shopping are dashed and you begin to hasten through what would have been...should have been....a relaxing experience. You rush to nail polish aisle, doing your best to stave off more aggressively friendly and ever-present salespeople. You pick out two colors that, let's face it, will look hideous on you. Then it happens, you see your very favorite brand of makeup and it seems as if, for the moment at least, NO ONE is around. You shuffle over, keeping your head low and your podcast level high. You have time to touch one.damn.eyebrow.pencil and she's on you. "Hi ma'am!"...smiles, awkward smiles. "Hi," deep sigh, "I don't need anything. I'd let you know if I did. You can go." SHE MOTHERGRUBBING STAYS! You practically yell, "Fine! I'd have bought something if you would have left me alone!" You don't stay to watch her smile wither into well...a less awkward smile. They never stop smiling; it's off putting. You just remembered you still need tampons and shampoo but you can't imagine the hovering that would ensue so you bury that dream deep....real deep. As you sprint to the cash register, just wanting it all to be over, you can't help but glance over to several missed aisles. You are tempted to keep looking around and then you see them, lurking behind the aisle of your favorite B.B. Cream and you think to yourself, "I am gonna buy the shit out of Amazon when I get home." The end. P.S. As a result of above, I am determined to come up with some funny ways to handle salespeople here. I don't want to be mean. It sucks to be mean and I'm really no good at it but sometimes I do get frustrated..especially when I try to be nice at first but people don't listen. They are not going to change. For whatever reason, this is the way they do business so I have to figure out new ways to handle it. I can't just let them follow me though...it's too much to bear. Any ideas?! Found this little illustration at funnyjunk.com -- what do you think?
I don't know how to write this without sounding like an intolerant fool. All I can hope for is some modicum of understanding that I am doing my best to tell the truth and represent my DAILY experiences accurately. So, here goes...
It is my firm belief that the pedestrians in Manila are somehow related to squirrels. Maybe not like brother/sister but perhaps a fourth cousin twice removed by marriage situation.
'sup?
Now, if you're an educated person, you know that, technically speaking, squirrels are rodents but that is NOT what I'm trying to say so you can just cease and desist with the scoffing and eye rolling. I'm simply (and feebly) attempting to provide an analogy of my drive to and from work every day with the primary purpose of venting but also informing. Ok Ok - this isn't REALLY meant to be educational...ya got me. That's what is so wonderful about having a blog with 2.5 readers....very few people will hate me tomorrow so I can really just say what I want. I have a pretty soft heart when it comes to animals, as most people do. When I was a teenager, I can vividly remember my mom picking me up from the Sunday matinee and driving me home through the quiet roads of my home town. It was one of those rare chilly Texas afternoons when people tend toward indoor entertainment -- so there were no children at play and not many cars on the road. This absence of traffic (both pedestrian and vehicle) led my mom to be perhaps slightly more careless than she would have normally been. She wasn't going all Jeff Gordon on our city streets but maybe she was driving just a little bit more careless and chatting in a tad more carefree fashion. Anyway, we both looked up and noticed a squirrel crossing the road and I swear to bejeebus, that thing looked right back at us and I had a moment where I thought, "Thank goodness, he knows he's doing something stupid and has decided to go back from whence he came (read: the other side of the damn street)." But you know where this is going right? He did not go back. He made what appeared to be a series of ill fated but also somehow thought-out (as much as a squirrel thinks things through) turns in the road before landing himself firmly under my mom's right rear tire. THUMP! Tails were twitching. Brakes were screeching (too late!). And mom was sucking air through her teeth in the most regretful way. She was also begging me not to look in the rear view mirror. Although honestly, I'm not sure what she was thinking by asking me not to look. Was she sparing me the tragedy of seeing a rodent cute little animal fighting for its last breath or did she somehow think I would blame her for his PISS POOR DECISION MAKING?
Which brings me to the pedestrians here in Manila.
1. Crosswalks cannot be trusted. I get it. 2. Cars do what they want regardless of when and where you decide to cross the street. -- That sucks, I know. I REALLY know. I have more than a few times reached out and smacked a car that nearly ran over my dog while we were walking in a CROSSWALK to get to the park. 3. You have to get to work....no matter what. Good.For.You.
Look at me! I'm important...I need to hurry up and get to my outsourced data entry position where I will sit and mostly check facebook all day.
But here's the thing, it will not help your situation to decide to cross the street and then only make it half way. As you stand in the middle of one of the busiest streets in Metro Manila, I'm sorry to say, destiny is not on your side. You are now stuck on the yellow lines of a road in a place where lanes do not matter. Please do not then prescribe to the misguided notion that eye contact or arm waving (in the typical Phil fashion) will help your case. You've made your bed....helping you figure out how to un-f*ck yourself is not my problem. You must decide, all by your lonesome, what to do next and guess what? The WORST possible thing you can do is go all squirrel on us by deciding to do something then changing your mind 17 times. This happened while I was driving to work the other day. It was gridlock but kinda fast paced gridlock, if that makes sense, and this guy tried to cross at the WRONG time. He was stuck in between me and the car in front of me. Initially, I tried to let him pass but HE WOULD NOT GO. I waited for a bit and then started to move forward at which time..... AT WHICH MOTHER GRUBBING TIME.... he decides it's time to go so what happens? I graze him with my front bumper.
Are you shocked??!?! No, of course not! Funny thing is, I've gotten into lots of shouting matches with drivers here (mostly with mopeds and motorcycles) who have NO situational or personal-space awareness but this guy didn't even flinch. This tells me, in his little squirrel heart, he knew he made the wrong decision.
So there you go. Just felt like sharing a little bit of my world with you.
I wish I could go into all of the gory details because it would be an easier way to get to the point but the Internet is too damn available to too damn many people who might get their feelers hurt so I'll just say this: I am sick and tired of having to play nice with bitchy women. Bitchy might not be the right word. Maybe it's jealous, insecure, judgmental, passive aggressive, two-faced....or some combination of all of the above. Usually before I write about an issue, I will take a gander at what others have published. I'm fine restating what's already been said in a different way (it's hard to have an original thought in this day and age) but I tend to want to read supporting and counter arguments ... just to out of curiosity. When I did that for this post, I came across this "gem" (she says, in a drawl that is dripping with sarcasm): Top Ten Things that Make a Woman Threatening to Other Women. Fundamentally, the points made are pretty accurate but the suggestions the author makes to help your situation when you're the "offending" woman are just plain ludicrous. As if you should shelf your high heels, play dumb, be less beautiful, and not spend your own hard earned money....just to get other women to give you the time of day. Horse shit. I will admit that I have been intimidated by another woman's beauty or intelligence in the past but I have ALWAYS recognized that the fault is mine and unless the person is unkind, I will find away to get over my insecurities. Otherwise, look at all of the relationships I would lose out on. And ultimately, we are all different and beautiful in our own way so what does it really matter? But if I have a moment of insecurity, others have LIFETIMES. Years of practice scowling at the pretty young girl in the office - "well....we all know how SHE climbed the corporate ladder don't we?!" Or maybe they point out that the intelligent woman is a snob....."listen to that uppity bitch!" After enduring decades of judgment on sight - I.am.tired. I am perfectly willing to accept that there is such a thing as a first impression but I am also aware that WE ARE ADULTS. We should know by now that there is more to a person than what is on the surface...that if someone speaks her mind or offers an opinion, she's not attempting to threaten your livelihood or overshadow your own voice....she simply has her own voice. So sluts, smarties, bitches, and babes - let's all just get over ourselves and be friends. And if we can't be friends, ya think we could just live and let live instead of sabotaging each others' happiness? Life would be so so so much sweeter that way.
I think I'll start with the rant since it will explain why I am unable to use Picasa Web Albums OR Google Chrome to edit my photos the way I would like. Actually, I'm so fed up with trying to get the systems to work, I don't even want to get too far in the weeds. Suffice it to say, Picasa works only to view my photos now (unless you count "enhancing" as an advanced photo editing tool and I definitely do not). When I tried to edit the photos I wanted to publish on this post, it said that I needed to download Google Chrome (argh). I say argh but I did it...and still...no dice. Shortly after, I read a MILLION complaints about how the whole Google Chrome "thing" destroyed a lot of people's ability to edit their photos. Needless to say, there are a whole bunch of people out there who use Picasa and Google+ far more than I ever did who are PISSED. All I wanted was validation that I wasn't crazy ... that the shit just did not work anymore. And it doesn't. If you know of anyone who knows differently, please do tell. If you are a Google Plus or Chrome Rep, first poo poo on you. Second, if you can fix this, I take it all back...just please, for the love of all things photo edit, help us! On to what will most likely be a disappointing post..... So, I am knee deep in Halloween Party prep and I really think our decorations would make even Rob Zombie proud!
See how this photo is super cool? That's because 1. it's not mine and 2. Google Chrome/Picasa were NOT used to edit said picture.
I fully intend to do some tutorials on how to make some of this stuff because (and I don't mean to brag) some of it turned out AWESOME! But, right now, I just don't have any time at all. I can't even really figure out how I'm gonna pull this off at the moment....but I will....I will. One thing that sucks about being in Manila during my FAVORITE time of year is the town's (and probably country's) total lack of Halloween gear. There are a few things at the local department store, mind you, but there is no Spirit Halloween or Party City equivalent and that totally sucks! (I am gonna need a pass to use the word "sucks" as many times as I want during this post, k?) Point is, even though I shipped a lot of the Halloween decorations we had, I didn't ship everything and even if I had...well...it's just never enough. (Having said that, NO IDEA how the giant furry spider and two headed zombie baby didn't make the cut. WTF Lindsey?!?!) So, I have taken to "makin' stuff" - as Grandma Squidbilly might say. No suitable trophies for best costumes? I got this! No tombstones? No problem! No invitations? Hallmark ain't got nothin' on me! If it sounds like I'm being too boastful well, suck it! I'm exhausted! I have been breathing spray paint and various types of glue products for 2 weeks and it's not even October yet. I think I'm allowed a little gloating. I was thinking, in addition to my house looking like a bodyfarm, they might send out the men in white coats if they were to look at my browsing history. [That is my way of admitting that I am not this creative all by my lonesome. There are LOADS of people who are as demented as I am and it has been a blast reading/watching all of their how-tos.] But who has time to worry about mental health professionals at a time like this? Anyhoo - here's a sneak peak at some of the stuff I've been working on. I don't guess there will be any spoilers unless, that is, you plan on flying 18 hours to attend this soiree. In which case, book that flight and we'll make you up a coffin....er...bed.
I'd show you the inside of the invite but, well, you're probably not invited....and I don't need a bunch of blog stalkers showing up at our front door. Skelly on the right is a copy of the original drawing I did, left is the actual invitation and the envelope is just a simple manila envelope that I added a little creepy stencil to. The theme is a Halloween/Dia de los muertos combo costume party - thus the sugar skull. :)
The beginnings of a fruit loop/raisin bran coffin/trophy
outside of best couple trophy - haven't added the final layer of "aging" or shellac but you get the idea
And the inside. (Damn you Picasa and Chrome....damn you!!)
What's in the box??!?! Doll babies....that have no idea what they're in for.
This is only the first step in making a creepy doll. LOTS more to go but the damn spray paint is taking FOREVER to dry. More to come...
I decided to buy and paint some masks both for decoration and so we'd have some extra costumes for anyone that dares to show up costume-less. This is the bare mask. Still a little creepy no?
I found some guy's website that showed how to make a version of this mask. He called him "skin face" but I think "vein face" is more appropriate. Anyway, I think he needs more gore and some darker paint, don't you?
I really like this sugar skull. Simple to make but I think they're so striking. I have made a few other little trinkets to go on a dia de los muertos altar - hopefully it will all turnout!
And this? Well...I think you'll just have to wait.
I'd like to share something with you that you might not already know about the Philippines. It's something that happens every year and it starts in September. You know how most of us complain that the Christmas decorations go up and the Christmas carols are blasted earlier and earlier every year in the States? Well, stop complaining! You ain't got nothin' on the Philippines! It's the start of the "ber" months here in the Philippines which means (shudder/gasp/eyeroll) they are ALREADY starting to celebrate Christmas. Not the "holidays" folks...Christmas! You know, that holiday that we're still three months away from? Yep...THAT one. Obviously, the "ber" months are September, October, November, December but they don't stop there. Nope - the Philippines observes the longest Christmas season in the world...THE WORLD!!! I know we complain when we see our neighbor's lights up until February but in the Phils, they are literally STILL celebrating until the third Sunday in January which coincides with the Feast of the Santo Nino de Cebu. Now, before you go thinking I'm a Grinch, just hold it right there! I love Christmas as much the next person. I just don't think it needs to start before Halloween! They say that the Filipinos focus on more on the faith side of celebrations but I am gonna have to call their bluff a little bit on that one, having seen pictures of Christmas lights shaped like an elephant and parades that look more like Mardi Gras than Christmas.
What does it mean?!?!?!?!?
I have spotted Christmas trees in the mall and they're already playing Christmas songs on the radio but I haven't noticed any lights yet. That could just be because I'm not walking in the right places. If there's one positive I draw from all this early celebration, it's that a little light in downtown Manila couldn't hurt anything. There are plenty of streetlights and the constant glow from 24 hour businesses but Manila isn't what I'd call "pretty". So, even though I'm loathe to admit it, I think Christmas lights could only improve this town's face value. I will update this post when I've had the chance to take some of my own photos.
Welcome to another installment of Lost in Translation. Today on "Lost", we find the author of Simple Pleasures not enjoying ANY simple pleasures whatsoever. Meanwhile, somewhere in Manila, a crowd of 17 year old delivery boys are laughing their fool heads off. And these....are the days...of my life.....
Saturday is a typical water delivery day for us. We call or text sometime during the week and they show up Saturday (after lunch) with our water. I did that. They confirmed. I thought we were all good. Saturday came and went without any sign of our water refills. (NOTE: You will understand why I italicized "after lunch" later.)
Late Saturday evening
Me: Where is my water?
Water peeps: Mam we currently out of stock of wilkins no delivery from plant. Hopefully by monday or tuesday. we have stock. thanks.
Me: Out of all water or do you have other brands?
Water peeps: Yes we do
Me: So, NO water? Or just no wilkins?
Water peeps: Yes mam no water. Im sorry, by monday we have a delivery of of viva coming.
Me: What is the price?
Water peeps: 135.
Me: Ok, please deliver 7 bottles of viva asap.
Water peeps: Ok.
Me: Um...when will you deliver?
Water peeps: After lunch.
It was at this point that I started to have visions of the "two weeks" scenes from Money Pit...
Monday Afternoon (enter tropical storm Maring) Me: Where is my water? Me: It was supposed to be here after lunch today? This is the customer at 123 IAmGoingCrazy Lane. Water Peeps: Sori mam. Our office closed 2day becoz of flooding. Our staff didnt come in due to no available transportation. Me: Tomorrow then? Water Peeps: Ok Me: U should let customers know. I could have gotten some at grocery just now but didn't because I thought it would be delivered.
Water peeps: Mam our house are flooded. I hope u understand why i cant let you know that no delivery today. I live at xxxxx. No electricity, my celphne are lowbat. Great - now I feel like an asshole. Except, WTF?!?! I am just trying to get water. Not like it's important for survival or sustenance or anything. I should really just keep my trap shut and start boiling water from the tap right? Oh hells no... Tuesday Morning Me: I understand its difficult but I was just trying to figure out when to expect delivery. Plz don't take it personally. For the record, I didn't even bother to ask about delivery on Tuesday. The rain here has been constant the last couple of days. Monday and Tuesday were total washouts and I'm sure Wednesday would have been also were it not already a holiday. At this point, I was just hoping they'd decide to work the holiday....and that the rain would effing let up. Wednesday Afternoon Me: Is there any chance we will get water soon? 1228 Today Water peeps: Pls wait mam our delivery was in 123 IAmGoingCrazy Lane already Me: Wait until when? U delivered water today?!? When will we get ours?
Water peeps: Yes 2day mam this afternoon. After lunch. Me: Ok great! Thank you! 1232 (btw - LOOK AT ME!!! I am still trying to be gracious!) Me: Is the water still coming? ---627 pm today And I know this will shock you but after two hours of waiting for a response.....nada. Good thing we're not thirsty. Strike that. Good thing we have wine and beer. Plenty of water in those two beverage staples.
The moral of this story is, dammit I DO care and I DO sympathize but that doesn't mean I don't want some tiny wittle bittle shred of customer service. Just TELL me you're not coming. I could have bought a GD case of water from the S&R and the problem would have been solved. I would have happily (ok, that might be a stretch) waited until after you got your shit together and the storm passed for my water because I would have had a water cushion. Ha - that sounds funny no? A water cushion. You didn't know we were living in Wet 'n Wild did ya?
For what it's worth to anyone who might be confused or gives a damn, it's not as easy as you might think to find a replacement water delivery "company". And I now know that "company" is not at all an accurate way of describing a kid on a bike, peddling from god knows where to deliver our water. But you get the idea. It's just not that easy to find someone to get off their poop shoots and deliver water on the spot. So here I sit with a 1/2 a bottle of water, rain that is sputtering out, and patience so fried you could serve it up at the Texas State Fair. This is neither a tragedy or a crisis. If push comes to shove, I'll just send Z down to the market to pick some up. But that is....BESIDE THE DAMN POINT!
After this exchange I guess I shouldn't be surprised but you know what I am allowed to feel? Annoyed. And boy am I. On Friday, the painters came. I thought they were coming with colors to pick from and would offer a quote. I was partially right. Apparently, they were just coming to introduce themselves, give us a quote, and tell us what to pick up from the hardware store. I guess that's why the labor is so cheap - it does NOT come with its own supplies. After reciting the list of items we'd need to pick up from the store, we CONFIRMED (please read that again....CONFIRMED) the painters would arrive ready to work Monday morning after 0900. I told the main guy (*we'll call him Pablo the Painter) that if we were for some reason unable to acquire the materials before Monday, I would send him a text and let him know. (On a side note, you should be aware that Pablo the Painter is only the "main guy" because his English is the best of the group. He is not really a painter at all. He's someone's driver. His brother is the painter by trade. But anyway...I digress.) It seemed all was right with the world. We were a little aggravated to have to go get the paint and supplies ourselves but for getting two whole rooms painted for about $27, we couldn't really complain. So anyway, here's what went down (and remember, this is all via text message because that's how EVERYONE here communicates): 455p (Sunday), Pablo the Painter: Good afternoon mam are the painters ready for tomorrow to come mam?
601p (Sunday) Me: We have the stuff so yes. Not before 9am please. 1030a (Monday) Me: Do you know what time they will arrive?
crickets again .... frustration rising....visions of what I COULD have gotten accomplished this morning floating through my head.
1119a Me: I have some things to do this afternoon. Will they be here soon?
1120a Pablo the Painter: Yes mam
yay!! it's still technically morning so my anger fades and I start thinking about where I'm going to hang things when they're done.
1129a Pablo the Painter: Maybe tomorrow mam they will come. they are waiting order to come today i text you last night mam. W.T.F?!?!?!?! Anger returns, amplified....I am at DefCon 5 - full scale bitch alert.
1131a Me: And I replied last night that we were ready. Why are you just now telling me they can't come today?
1133a Pablo the Painter: I did not recieve your text mam just their names only mam.(he's referencing a text I sent confirming their names for the front desk if you care; which I'm certain you don't)
1134a Me: 9 am tomorrow or we will just find someone else ok?
1136a Pablo the Painter: Okay i'm sorry i will them mam.
They say English is one of the official languages of the Philippines but, with all due respect, I'm not so sure. Before you go thinking that I'm being a snob or that I believe everyone should understand me (and I them) even though I'm in a foreign country, NOT SO. I acknowledge on a very regular basis that the Filipinos' mastery of English is far far better than my fluency in Tagalog (which doesn't exist...not even in the slightest).
But we were told that it would be unnecessary to learn the language because English is so common. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean conversations go quite as you might hope. Here is the text exchange between myself and the painter who is coming to give us a quote for painting some of our walls (you know, hypothetically).
Date of Conversation: evening of Wednesday 17 July
Me: Hi, my friend gave me your number. Can you come by our apt and give a quote on painting some walls? (immediate response)Painter: Ok mam (immediate response)Me: We are at (address). Any time next Friday after 9 am would be great. (several hours later)Painter: Sorry for late reply i was busy driving my boss also on that condo at 30th floor. I was on duty the whole day. I can meet you after my duty. Painter: I will come on Friday. Me: Great. See you then. Me: Next friday...not the 19th. (realizing already that I probably needed to clarify) Painter: Next friday mam this week. So, I know what you're thinking. Any fool would have seen that last text and realized the chances were pretty good he was going to show up this Friday not NEXT Friday but we were out at dinner and by the time I put it all together it was too late in the evening to text him back. And then I forgot. Until.... ... ... ...
....is morning (NOT....you will note...NEXT Friday): Painter: Good morning we are here now at your building. Me: Next friday...the 26th. I am leaving for work now. Sorry. Painter: Ok mam
In the Philippines, there are a lot of (ahem, arbitrary) rules. Some are straight up nonsense. Others are fabulous but, alas, never enforced. And then some rules exist just for certain people - if you're rich or a local Filipino with some stature in the the community, rules don't necessarily apply.
The most obvious area in which the rules (also loosely referred to as laws) are applied on an irregular basis (if that)? Traffic enforcement. It is INSANE what people get away with on the streets yet there are random laws that ARE enforced such as, certain drivers with license plates starting in certain numbers or letters are not allowed to drive on Wednesdays. Wha?!? This of course, does NOT apply to diplomats or people in nice cars and even if it is supposed to, I have never seen a traffic enforcement officer chase anyone down. The most they do is try to wave you over and I gotta be honest, if it were me, I'd just press on the gas too. Then there's the VAT and other shopping related er....nightmares for lack of a better word. Diplomats are VAT (value added tax) exempt here in the Philippines which sounds great but 9 times out of 10, it's not worth the hassle to get the VAT taken off your bill. I'd have to look it up but I gotta think that the VAT exemption has been around for a loooooong time but I have only been to ONE establishment that seemed to process the exemption on a regular basis. All others look at me as if I have 4 eyes, 3 boobs, and a big booger on my upper lip when I ask them to take off the VAT. It's 12% though....TWELVE PERCENT! Do you know how many shoes I could buy with the 12% I'd save if I made sure the VAT was taken off every bill? In the Philippines....a lot of damn shoes. It took us two months to get our VAT exemption card. You'd think after all that waiting, the clouds would part and everyone would just understand. You're part of the club....you have "the card". Hear the angels singing? Nah, me neither. They don't sing. They tell you to copy and laminate your VAT card and you certainly learn that the hard way if you don't. Picture this, I am at the ONLY check out counter in a huge store that will let you purchase CDs and movies. There is one cashier. When I approach the counter, no one else is getting in line so I think, give the ol' VAT a try. I completely forgot at this store you have to "register" the first time you use your VAT - they need a copy of it for their records or some such thing. So I show them my card and they give me the ubiquitous, "wait for a while" ma'am. Fifteen minutes later, a woman appears with what I can only describe as the jackpot of archaeology. Honestly, it looked like a thousand year old bible and when she opened it, there it was. EVERY person who had registered at this store for the VAT exemption well....ever. Handwritten of course. "Do you have a copy of your card ma'am?" Um....no. "Do you have a copier," I said. At this point, she tries to take my VAT card and the ONLY ID I have with me. I may not be an intellectual but I know better than to let a stranger run off with my IDs in the middle of the most confusing department store I've ever encountered.
This is where I (stupidly) assume they have a copier in the store and that is why she wants to take my cards. I tell her she can't have them but I will go with her to make copies. She turns to stone as if she is somehow glued in place....the 4 eyes, 3 boobs, big booger look comes out but I know not why. At this point, there are about 12 people in line behind me because, don't forget, this is the ONLY counter you can purchase the movies and CDs at (though there are about a thousand other cashier areas throughout the store). So now I am starting to feel bad. Like the spoiled expat who wants her tax free items. But in my defense, I had already asked the cashier three times if she could void my transaction and help the other people. That said, I was starting to sweat with irritation and guilt.
They tend to wait you out here and I don't know if it is some sort of ploy to see if they can wear you down or if they truly desperately want you to have what you asked for. In either case, they told me they couldn't void the damn transaction but after the VAT looked like a lost cause, miraculously, the void button started working. So here's the long story short part. You need a copy of your VAT and your ID at the store NO MATTER WHAT. I didn't have that. Nothing would have changed if I'd given her my cards because they have NO DAMN COPIER. So if there was no way that I was going to get the VAT exemption, why my dears, didn't she just effing say so!?!?! And just so you know, I did not get my 12% off that day - - but I did age about 5 years in that 40 minute window.
Sadly, I'm sure this is just installment one in the "Rules were made to be broken" report. TO BE CONT....
I am shamelessly reposting this from my facebook to here even though the only people that will probably read it, already have....on facebook.
Here's the link that inspired this particular rant. It's not so much the article but some of the schmos that commented. Even though a lot of them are right, it doesn't diminish my desire to smack them about the face with a soggy banana.
"I
don't usually do this but today, I can't help it. To be honest, I
don't know how to feel. My instinct is to lash out in defense of equal
rights (much as I lashed out at my husband when he said this was
nonsense last night). First, I'm sorry to him for getting so
immediately angry. There's something about this argument that is so
distasteful - I can't quite put my finger on it. I *think* what I
believe is this: there are situations where a woman's presence in a
special forces situation could be hugely beneficial and I think said
woman should be afforded the same type of training so that she is
prepared to face the same dangers. That said, I also think that if a
female is to hold the same exact position as Navy Seal or Army Ranger,
she MUST be able to adhere to the same physical standards - standards
that are currently (for most women) impossible to uphold due to our
physical makeup.
So, I'm conflicted. I get the counterargument to this
decision and I agree with a lot of it. BUT and it's a big BUT, I
completely disagree with the vitriol behind a lot of the comments people
are leaving in response to this decision. War is a disgusting,
dangerous and divisive endeavor - and one that women have been a part of
in some form or fashion throughout history. For some to claim that we
are living in some la-la land where only men are disfigured or killed in
battle is ludicrous. Look at how many women have fought and died for
our country in the last 10 years. There should be thoughtful
consideration when making these decisions and any acceptance of ANYONE
into a special forces unit should be something that is dealt with on a
case by case basis and if that person does not qualify, they're out.
The debate will rage on and I, no doubt, will be one of the many who
waffle. When it comes to allowing women on the front lines however, my
vote is 100% yes. Just because we have periods or frequent UTIs
doesn't mean we can't protect our country - in fact, I'd argue that all
the shit we go through as women makes us stronger in a lot of ways. I'm
not so off the reservation that I don't realize that our emotional
makeup can also be significantly different than a man's but not every
woman is built of the same stuff. There are men who are clearly not cut
out for combat either but that doesn't mean we should sideline them as a
rule. The special forces issue will continue to be just that...an
issue.
All this little girl can do is speak from experience
and the only experience I have that is similar is when I applied for
several police departments. The only one that even came close to being
challenging physically was the Austin Police Dept. I understand that
they've changed the testing to "accommodate" female recruits but I can
happily inform you that when I tested, I completed the only physical
test they offered - and I did so faster than 80% of the other recruits.
That was just one test though and I'm sure that I couldn't have faced
and overcome every challenge that my male colleagues would have handled with
relative ease. But there are things I/We do better...physically and
emotionally so I think there's a need for inclusion....I just can't
figure out how it would work.
So here I am - taking no real
stance. I'd be a horrible president. I'd kinda like people to just
stop saying such mean shit about women though - is that too much to
ask??"
NOW - What do you ladies and germs think? Gimme all ya got...I can take it. Well, I might cry but I will get really angry and throw a barbell at you first.
Here's the thing. Do NOT ask yes or no questions in the Philippines. It will get you nowhere. In fact, if you could channel your inner child and just pretend to be playing "opposite day" every day, that would be for the best. "Egg white omelet with no cheese and very little oil" OBVIOUSLY means "Gimme the whole egg and nothing but the egg, extra cheese and lay that grease on super thick!" In case you didn't know, now ya know.
I guess that's not the best yes/no example but surely you get my drift. If given the opportunity, and sometimes when it is DIRE that someone be honest as opposed to just aiming to please, the Filipino folks will almost always default to "yes" (or whatever it is that they think you want to hear). For instance, never say, "Is this water filtered?" Silly human! Silly silly American fool. You must state explicitly and perhaps in a written format, "I would like filtered water only." In fact, you're better off just asking for a bottle of water and calling it a day. Chances are, if you ask for filtered water, you may very well get a tall glass of filtered water but those ice cubes floating harmlessly about in your pretty little glass? NOT FILTERED ICE CUBBIES (or is that CUBIES? if I'm going to make up a word, I should at least take an honest stab at the right way to spell it)! So just forget. Assume the worst, realize you're not being insulting by asking specifically and then reconfirming...again...and again.
The taxi drivers here are pretty nice but a head nod indicating they are familiar with the area or the address you've provided is NOT enough my fair complected friend. It's an interesting dilemma. Why bother even taking a cab if you're the one who has to figure out, turn by turn, how to get there? I have two damn cars but sometimes going 4 blocks in them and trying to find parking isn't worth the hassle so dammit, I am cabbin it. There's no doubt in my mind that $2 is a decent investment when it eliminates my having to deal with the ridiculous lack of traffic enforcement in this town. But anyway, what was my point? Oh - there is nothing more disconcerting then getting in a cab, explaining where you're going, having the cabbie nod in understanding, and then getting to the moment of truth, the big turn of all turns and the cabbie turns around and says, "Right or left ma'am?" Well how the bloody hell should I know? You stopped following my cute little google maps directions 5 turns ago and now we're stuck between a shanty town and a hard place. Thanks. So, I just smile and say, "yes". Let him figure it out!
So I guess it's either this:
Or this:
(That's the "minute burger", by the way. I'm guessing there's nothing minute or very burger like about it at all.)
[Here's where I offer my apologies to our country hosts. I am sorry that I am a whiny little American and I hope that my posts do not offend anyone who hails from this wonderful country. I like it here...I really do. I much prefer it to SEVERAL alternatives and I am looking forward to getting to know the Philippines. I PROMISE I will write an equal number of rave reviews...just give me time. I am on my third sinus infection and my third week of living in a dungeon. It's not your fault. I'm not being a very good neighbor or guest. Can we blame my dog or husband somehow?? Sorry Cassie/Husbear...it's a small price to pay for all the love I give right?? RIGHT?!?!]
A friend of mine recently sent me a text with the following partial lyrics to the Kenny and Dolly classic, Islands in the Stream:
"Baby, when I met you there was peace unknown
I set out to get you with a fine tooth comb
I was soft inside, there was somethin going on"
What.the.fizzzuck???
Who sets out to find someone with a fine tooth comb? Do they have lice? Tangles? And why is he soft inside? WHAT exactly is going on? More importantly, why do we blissfully sing the lyrics to such songs and never question the thought process? Someone wrote that shit! Like, on paper...and set it to music...and then mystery of all mysteries, MADE KABILLIONS of dollars. Yes, I love the song. Yes, I will continue to sing it at the top of my lungs whenever I hear it but NO I do not understand.
So, that got me to thinkin (as I sometimes do during jobless stretches or periods of intense heat)....what other song lyrics make the human race look like idiots for putting them in the Top 40? I know I have zippy readership but I'm imploring...begging like a fat kid during Eid...PLEASE give me some of your thoughts because I know I'll forget some. My goal is to compile (without googling**) the Top 20 weirdest song lyrics of our time. I think I can come up with about 10 (cheating a bit by using some historical input provided by husbear) but I really want to hear whatchoo got?!? (ok ok - I didn't make it to 10 but I'm tired and I really wanted to post this shiznit tonight!)
Here's mine (in an as-yet undetermined order because I can't possibly rack and stack without the input of the masses...er...the three people I'm hoping will respond):
1. Spice Girls, "Wannabe" - I count 45 occasions where a version of the word "want" occurs but even more notable? The reference to a "zigazig" and then the subsequent release, "ah". What does it mean?!?!?!
"Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah"
2. Lionel Richie, "Easy"- Now, I don't know how well this fits into the whacked out lyrics category but my lord, how often have we all been perplexed at that weird moment he just yells "EW!" (or is it, "OOH!"?) in the middle of an otherwise chill song? Did he crap his white Lionel Richie pants or what?
2 and a half. Lionel Richie (yeah, you read that right), "Say you, Say me"- In this case, I'm pretty sure I'm stretching the limits of my own category but when that song hits the bridge, I feel like I've landed on another planet. It's a romantic little dittie but just when you think it's reaching it's quiet crescendo, it SEXPLODES. Don't believe me? Check out this you tube vid around 2 min 50 sec in. Thank me later.
And by the way, will someone please name this movie? I have seen it and I thought it was pretty fab (at least, back in the dizay) but husbear says he doesn't think "people his age" will know the movie. C'mon people...prove him wrong! 3. Kenny and Dolly, "Islands in the Stream"- see above 4. Pearl Jam, "Yellow Ledbetter"- Best I can tell, no one has ever figured out what the hell Eddie Vedder is saying in this damn song but we still all loved this little B Side gem. Here's a compilation of what I remember with some gaps filled in by the world wide interwebs. I'm pretty sure none of us are right and it's just a sick sad joke the band played on our grungy asses. (And no, mom, I still don't forgive you for not letting me go see them when they came to town!! Maybe he'd have told me the secret meaning behind the song!? Scarred...deeply scarred).
"Unsealed on a porch a letter sat.
Then you said, "I wanna leave it again."
Once I saw her on a beach of weathered sand.
And on the sand I wanna leave it again. Yeah.
On a weekend I wanna wish it all away, yeah.
And they called and I said that "I want what I said" and then I call out again.
And the reason oughta' leave her calm, I know.
I said "I know what I was the boxer or the bag."
Ah yeah, can you see them out on the porch? Yeah, but they don't wave.
I see them round the front way. Yeah.
And I know, and I know I don't want to stay.
Make me cry..."
**Thanks to husbear for reminding me of this classically misheard tune.
5. Tricky Daddy, Sugar (Gimme Some)- I think this may have to be up there in terms of the most ridiculous. There's a lot to build on here but I think, to save time, I'll skip to the sugary sweet center of this uber hip hop wonder:
"Sweetie you look so incredible
So delicious and so damn edible
All I need is some honey or syrup
With a lil' butter to rub down all your curves
And no need for the lemonade
Just a twist of lime and some grape Kool-Aid
Can I call you Caramel?
Cuz I'm bout to go coo-coo to taste your Coco Puffs
One bowl ought to fill me up
But that milk gotta be cold enough
So supper time that'll hold me up
I might choke myself if I don't slow it up, but Honey, you look like a honeydew melon
Or strawberry with the whipped cream filling
Or the top part of the peach cobbler
But uh, the fruit platter ought to do me better"
What the hell is so great about the fruit platter? Is there dip? I will give ol' Trick Daddy props on one point however....nothing is worse than warm milk on the Coco Puffs but perhaps I'm missing the true spirit of this jam??
6. Tracy Byrd, "Watermelon Crawl" - And then there are some songs that you can only understand when you come from a certain, er, region of the States. I happen to pick up what this particular song is layin' down buuuuuut, I can totally understand why other people hear this on the radio and vow to never tune to a country western station...ever...again.
"When the band started playin the watermelon queen
Said let me show you somethin' that you ain't ever seen
She grabbed me by the arm said come on lets go
She dipped down, spun around, and do-ce-doed
She rocked back on her heels dropped down to her knees
She crawled across the floor and jumped back to her feet
She wiggled and she giggled and beat all you ever saw
She said this is how you do the watermelon crawl"
Yeah, that image belongs to someone so don't go stealin it. Seriously, stop it! Crawl Art
7. REO Speedwagon, "Keep on Loving You" (shouts out to my sis! dis is yo jammmmm!) - So I may or may not have played this on my tape recorder via my "party line" to a boy that broke up with me in the 3rd grade. Cause, you know, nothing says 'I'm SO over you' like REO Speedwagon's cheesy soft core rock ballad, "Keep on Loving You." But my little 8 year old love pangs have little to do with the following stupendulous lyrics:
"You should've seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was somethin missin
You should've known by the tone of my voice, maybe
But you didn't listen
You played dead
But you never bled
Instead you lay still in the grass
All coiled up and hissin"
8. LFO, "Summer Girls"- Careful reading the following. I can offer no reassurances that you will maintain your current level of brain cells by the time you reach the end. But, for fun, you should really read the whole thing out loud....and think about what it took to put that crap on paper and set it to "music".
"Cherry Pez,cold crush,rock star boogie
Used to hate school so I had to play hookie,
Always been hip to the B-boY Style
Known to act wild and make girls smile, Love New Edition and the Candy Girl
Remind me of you because you rock my world
You come from Georgia where the peaches grow
They drink lemonade and speak real slow
You love hip hop and rock n roll
Dad took off when you were 4 years old There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby when you're near
You love fun dip and cherry Coke,
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
In the summertime girls got it going on,
Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like,
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike
Bugaloo shrimp and pogo sticks
My mind takes me back there oh so quick Let you off the hook like my man Mr. Limpet
Think about that summer and I bug,cause I miss it Like the color purple,macaroni and cheese,
Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees
Call you up but whats the use I like Kevin Bacon,but I hate Footloose
Came in the door I said it before,I think I'm over you
but I'm really not sure
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch"
What the hell do these jugnuts have against Footloose any damn way?
So that's all I have for now. Gimme what you got or else I will find you and zigazig your coco puffs with a fine tooth comb.
